Nearly FMLs

By Fuckoff06636 - 11/10/2016 22:36 - United States - Issaquah

Today, my mom decided it's ok to call 911 because I broke the curfew. In the afternoon,and by two minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 000

You deserved it 191

By Raina8008 - 11/10/2016 12:30 - United States

Today, while driving a big box truck for my job I noticed it needed gas, so I stopped to fill up. First the corporate gas card didn't work and I had to use my own money and then 10 minutes later it puttered and died on the highway. I swear I pushed the diesel button but somehow I put in regular. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 729

You deserved it 426

By PantsOnFire - 11/10/2016 10:24 - Canada - Barrie

Today, I found out the hard way that I'm allergic to aloe vera when I used a wipe with aloe vera on it after using the bathroom. I was out of benadryl and all the pharmacies were closed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 520

You deserved it 113

By chapped - 11/10/2016 05:43 - United States - Roseville

Today, I found out my boyfriend is violently allergic to my favorite brand of chapstick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 484

You deserved it 183

By ricky - 08/10/2016 06:21 - United States - Miami

Today, I learned more aBout my girlfriend in 12 hours than I have in 2 years by catfishing her on a dating site.FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 003

You deserved it 440

By Brandon1000 - 07/10/2016 18:26 - United States - Parsippany

Today, my sculpting teacher yelled at me for not properly putting away my clay sculpture, causing it to dry out and crack. He was the one who took it out to show someone, and forgot to put it away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 176

You deserved it 220

By OhhaiYumi - 06/10/2016 15:44 - United States

Today, I was woken up by a gushing shot of stomach acid that not only choked me, but also burned the heck out of my mouth and sinuses. I'm 3 months pregnant, only 6 more months to go. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 965

You deserved it 341

By travelingrae - 06/10/2016 13:48 - Bosnia and Herzegovina - Sarajevo

Today, a long-time client who is a ditz decided to "help" me by paying her USD invoice in CAD without doing the conversion. She doesn't get why that is a problem. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 421

You deserved it 120

By theFickleFinger - 06/10/2016 12:13 - United States

Today, like everyday, my dog waits until I'm bending over to pick up her poop before she starts kicking grass and dirt so she can kick it into my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 531

You deserved it 170

By heavysleeper - 06/10/2016 04:01 - United States - Franklin Square

Today, after being warned about my constant tardiness to work, I set two alarm clocks plus the alarm on my phone so I could be on time. I ended up sleeping through all the alarms and woke up an hour late, with a voicemail telling me I was fired. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 933

You deserved it 800

By Cramped - 06/10/2016 03:57 - United States

Today, my boyfriend's brother and 2 children moved in with us. So now we have 9 people living in a 2 bedroom house instead of the recent 6. Great. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 705

You deserved it 159

By jacob2580 - 04/10/2016 15:53 - United States - Houston

Today, after spending hours painstakingly fitting every bit of information from my psychology class onto a cheat sheet and filling it up completely front and back with the smallest handwriting I could muster. I was told I was mistaken and don't get to use a cheat sheet for this class. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 678

You deserved it 421

By Gassed Out - 04/10/2016 11:57 - United Kingdom - Middlesbrough

Today, my adorable new kitten woke me up with a cute meow right into my ear, since she was so cute, I decided to pet her, only to get my fingers bitten, and her to fart and leave me with a stench that can only be described as Satan's asshole after a particularly bad curry. I retched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 796

You deserved it 198

By Traeeee - 03/10/2016 20:22 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, the case I ordered online for my new phone came in the mail, I decided to test it by casually dropping it. My phone is now shattered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 239

You deserved it 1 842

By milliepede - 03/10/2016 15:48

Today, I finally finished paying off the £4k of debt my ex left me in when he gallivanted off to start his new life with the girl he'd been cheating on me with. Today is also the day my tv fell off the wall and my oven stopped turning on. A successful 6 hours of financial stability. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 914

You deserved it 152

By obewonstrangeone - 03/10/2016 00:30 - United States - Kent

Today, my boyfriend took 'don't give me a hickey' to mean 'give me a hickey in the middle of my collar bone. I have nine interviews this week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 762

You deserved it 278

By nominaski - 29/09/2016 23:15 - United States - Tacoma

Today, I've been told once again that I'm "a lazy, spoiled brat" because I don't have a job. I'm sixteen, and I live in a town where I have to be at least eighteen to be even interviewed for the currently available jobs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 521

You deserved it 388

By Jack - 29/09/2016 22:51 - United States - Fairfield

Today, I walked out of school expecting my dad to pick me up, little did I know since I had not texted him directly he was freaking out asking all my friends families were I was and then they had a search party going. I was at the front of the school the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 956

You deserved it 182

By Anonymous - 29/09/2016 22:50 - United States - Burke

Today, I introduced my new boyfriend to my brother. Now they're best friends and he talks to my brother more than he talks to me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 884

You deserved it 221

By It'sAbstract! - 29/09/2016 15:34 - United States - Milford

Today, I realized how bad of an artist I am when I brought home a painting from school. My mom picked up the painting and said "Oh wow! It's a dog, right?" Nope! It was a snowboard. She now has it framed on the wall as a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 549

You deserved it 183

By NotSoGreatGatsby - 29/09/2016 12:45 - United States

Today, I discovered that dogs can menstruate. Today, I also spent an hour scrubbing a 3-foot-long bloodstain out of my mattress that set in while I was sleeping last night. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 519

You deserved it 282

By ashley_cooper1 - 28/09/2016 15:01 - Canada - Gatineau

Today, I finally went to talk to my neighbour upstairs. He is always throwing his cigarette buts on my balcony, so I nicely went to speak to him and gave them a big can to put them in. Once I handed the can to him, he threw it in my face and said "Get Lost". My face hurts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 086

You deserved it 206

By pissed off driver - 28/09/2016 08:01 - United States - Fpo

Today, while driving down the high way my tire exploded and tore off my rear bumper; I just replaced all my tires a week ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 944

You deserved it 217

By UseABasket - 28/09/2016 05:03 - Australia - Geelong

Today, one of my coworkers was told to empty the clothes dryer and put in more tea towels. I know this because I found a load of dry tea towels all over the floor in front of the dryer, and I had to re-wash them all. Worst part is, I don't know which one of my coworkers is the idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 421

You deserved it 117

By Jaekay - 28/09/2016 04:10 - United States - Los Angeles

Today my manager tried to force me to sign an employee contract (I've worked here a year) that she herself refused to sign. If I sign it, they have grounds to fire me because it says no tattoos despite what I was told when I was hired. She says they'll fire me if I don't sign. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 795

You deserved it 132

By I'm not even attractive tho? - 27/09/2016 22:31 - United States - Pottstown

Today, I visited a new tattoo parlor, as my previous artist made me uncomfortable with his drunken, perverted texts. I found an artist I like, and made an appointment with him. And came home to find pervy messages from him on my Instagram. My expensive downpayment is non-refundable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 505

You deserved it 127

By Anonymous - 27/09/2016 13:42 - United States - Mesquite

Today, I found out my girlfriend was waiting to break up with me until I'm done with doing her essay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 561

You deserved it 188

By Kooitera - 27/09/2016 08:28 - Australia - Brisbane

Today I visited the local park with my husband. Trying to be sweet, I gave him a small kiss. He responded with "you kiss like a hooker", before loudly exclaiming "I don't have your drugs!", and promptly taking off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 769

You deserved it 211

By NotMadeOfHonout - 27/09/2016 06:49 - United Kingdom

Today, my best friend of 12 years told me she couldn't attend my wedding. What was so important to make her miss my big day? She had paid a non refundable deposit on a hotel room for that day. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 492

You deserved it 133

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, while at work, I was asked to see my boss. I was informed that the company would be laying off 20 people, and that I was one of them. I was told I could finish off the week, then was sent back to work. Twenty minutes later, my boss walked around and handed us all Christmas party invitations. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 833

You deserved it 2 470

Today, I was woken up early because the baby wallaby I am hand-rearing wanted food. She achieved this by peeing all over my pillow, and subsequently in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 185

You deserved it 491

Today, I told my mom I wanted to try out for the track team. Her exact words were "good luck, fatty". FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 793

You deserved it 6 715

Today, my boyfriend lied about having herpes, and used it as an excuse to dump me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 237

You deserved it 3 338

Today, my girlfriend told me she wanted get to know my mom, so they went off and had a chat. After an hour, I noticed my girlfriend was gone and my mom was waiting for me. Apparently I've been dumped through my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 592

You deserved it 2 884

Today, my long-term boyfriend took me to my favorite restaurant. After the main course, he knelt down and finally proposed to me. I was so happy, I almost cried. Until an old woman came over and said I was way too old for him. I'm three years younger than my fiancé. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 972

You deserved it 2 719