Nearly FMLs

By unfortunatestudent - 10/11/2016 03:33

Today, my water bottle leaked in my backpack, wetting my school reading book. To dry it, I left the book outside for a couple hours and then took a nap. Little did I know it had started raining, and my book is now soaking even more than before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 726

You deserved it 380

By Boundaries - 09/11/2016 22:24

Today, while demonstrating how to seduce a man, my room mate got so enthusiastic that she ended up stealing my first kiss. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 598

You deserved it 237

By talkaboutdevbehavior - 09/11/2016 19:24

Today, I had to submit a group project video for a large part of my grade. All of my group members insisted on doing the project on snapchat. This is going to be displayed in front of everyone. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 313

You deserved it 111

By Jeff - 09/11/2016 18:43

Today, a coworker of mine randomly sack tapped me. I was caught way off guard and it took me a second to regain myself. She explained saying she thought I was expecting it and that I should be prepared for the next one. Fml

I agree, your life sucks 1 310

You deserved it 120

By mycountryisdumb - 09/11/2016 06:54 - United States - Anchorage

Today, my country elected a man who thinks global warming is a hoax. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 986

You deserved it 4 155

By kaymo2 - 07/11/2016 18:33 - United Kingdom - Barry

Today, I had a complaint against how I packed a woman's shopping bag. As the way I did it was "very dangerous" and she "can't possibly carry it properly". She had three items. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 831

You deserved it 256

By TouretteSyndrome - 07/11/2016 05:08

Today I unwrapped my burrito and instead of throwing away the foil around it, I threw away the burrito. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 019

You deserved it 658

By RIPfurbaby - 07/11/2016 03:10

Today, while using the self checkout at the grocery store, the machine printed out a coupon for cat food. I had to put my cat to sleep 3 weeks ago. FMl

I agree, your life sucks 1 692

You deserved it 303

By lefir1 - 06/11/2016 21:55 - United States - Honolulu

Today, my husband and I took a shower together. He had more fun playing with the soap bubbles than me... FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 518

You deserved it 243

By Plaveoci - 06/11/2016 16:05

Today my new boyfriend dropped me because I told him I was at the last Grateful Dead concert in Chicago. He said THOSE KINDS OF PEOPLE are the same ones who go see Rocky Horror 100 times. I told him that I've only done that about five times. He said "This isn't working out" and hung up. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 320

You deserved it 198

By Lillll - 06/11/2016 14:10

Today, and for the past four months, my husband has been pushing the name Patrick for our baby. Not because he likes the name but because our last name is Star. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 740

You deserved it 269

By hashtag67 - 05/11/2016 07:47

Today, I am so used to the rats on my university campus, I don't even flinch when I see one. Or another one. Or a dead one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 427

You deserved it 200

By dimlylitclown - 05/11/2016 07:37 - United Kingdom - Barnsley

Today, I locked myself out for the second time in a week. This wouldn't be so bad if not for the fact that the spare key is currently in my house because I hadn't gotten around to returning it to the key holder yet. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 159

You deserved it 327

By Jimoffy - 05/11/2016 04:00 - United States - Forest Hills

Today, I had to get a root canal but the dentist had to step aside to calm down an angry patient. He was halfway done with my operation when the anesthesia wore off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 467

You deserved it 101

By mathisbad - 04/11/2016 04:47 - Canada - Gatineau

Today, I was on Facebook and my step mother wrote "Happy 25th anniversary sweetie" talking to my dad. I thought it was cute, until I did the math... My parents divorced when I was 5, I am 28... 2 years are overlapping FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 755

You deserved it 233

By boobfart - 04/11/2016 01:59 - Canada - Waterloo

Today, my girlfriend and I were having sex when my chest pressed against her cleavage and made a fart noise. We had to stop because she kept laughing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 457

You deserved it 417

By clusterfuck94 - 04/11/2016 00:19 - United States - Eubank

Today, after having the side of my glasses broken and repaired with duct tape for over a week. I came home from work only to have the other side break as well. Not having any duct tape at home I am not sporting a fetching pair of scotch and duct tape glasses. And I can't afford a new pair right now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 221

You deserved it 136

By WolfPack279 - 04/11/2016 00:14 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I had to drive my girlfriend to work as her mother was borrowing her car for the week. We had a horrible fight and she ended up getting out of the car, keying the side of my car, then getting back in, expecting me to still drive her the rest of the way. Me being from Minnesota, I did. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 376

You deserved it 228

By MagnusDeus - 03/11/2016 00:55 - United States - West Jordan

Today, after paying $1,300 to get my car fixed in order to register, it was towed for having expired registration. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 454

You deserved it 182

By ShittyHalloween - 03/11/2016 00:11 - United States - San Mateo

Today, my sister and I discovered someone from our Halloween party defecated onto our sheets, then stuffed it into my sister's closet. The house still reeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 409

You deserved it 113

By notpayedenoughforthis - 02/11/2016 21:39

Today as a teacher I've been asked to take over a colleague who had to leave for an emergency. The kids were already in the classroom when I entered and had managed to destroy plants, desks, and a camera before my arrival. Apparently it's my fault, now I'm the powerless teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 263

You deserved it 95

By crabcakes_are_smelly - 02/11/2016 18:26 - Pakistan

Today, my parrot said his first words and they were I love you so I called my entire family over after dinner so they could bear witness. I lovingly asked him, "say I love you" a couple of times and then he screamed NO in the most aggressive tone anyone has ever spoken to me with. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 429

You deserved it 173

By AkaiKitsune - 02/11/2016 15:59 - Canada - Victoria

Today, the little stick on the firework that is meant to be planted in the ground to keep it upright broke. The firework, instead of going up and exploding into the sky, veered into a parked car via the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 050

You deserved it 135

By noob - 02/11/2016 15:48

Today, at our daily update meeting, my boss announced that the person I started a project with in April and who bailed on said project a month later, would be heading up the same project again, only in a bigger role. He bailed on the project, but now gets to just come back and take over, FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 095

You deserved it 79

By kms666 - 02/11/2016 03:10

Today, my boyfriend of a year and I tried to have sex for the first time. Every time I suggested it in the past, it wasn't "the right time". Apparently the right time is at a halloween party at my house when my dad is home and my best friend is on the floor doing algebra homework. It was 5 mins. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 378

You deserved it 214

By IHateChildren - 02/11/2016 00:38 - United States - Phoenix

Today, I quit my job being a nanny to some truly psycho children. Their mother refused to believe I didn't want to watch her children anymore, even after showing her the multiple bite marks that required stitches. She than said that she would sue me if I asked for my last paycheck. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 502

You deserved it 94

By smell ya later - 01/11/2016 21:13 - United States - University

Today, a guy in my class decided to take his shoes off at the beginning of class. It's a 2 hour class and I could smell feet 3 rows over for the entire 2 hours. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 053

You deserved it 81

By Anonymous - 01/11/2016 17:58

Today, like every year, my parents have already begun putting up the holiday decorations and are forcing me to help them. I have several online essays I need to complete for college in a month, but if I don't help my parents, they'll ground me and take away my computer for being "selfish". FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 151

You deserved it 97

By zipperface - 01/11/2016 14:21 - United States - Muskego

Today, I planned to go as a zipper skull face for Halloween. The glue wasn't setting so my husband applied the entire tube and proceeded to blow dry my face. After it started drying, my face starting burning so I ripped the zipper off. My face is a complete rash and I'm still scraping glue off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 908

You deserved it 142

By Anonymous - 01/11/2016 06:25 - United States

Today, after having surgery and told not to have sex for two weeks, I've been begging my boyfriend to allow me to give him a blowjob, trying to be nice. He doesn't want to because he can't reciprocate. Not only has not having sex drove me insane, so is not being able to touch my boyfriend. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 139

You deserved it 2 001

FML on Facebook

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The Top

Today, I arrived at my parents house for dinner. When I got there, I noticed that they had gay pride flags hanging from the porch, and gay rights bumper stickers plastered to their cars. There was also a huge "We accept you, Nick" banner hanging from the garage. I'M NOT GAY! FML

I agree, your life sucks 93 284

You deserved it 6 405

Today, I volunteered to babysit my niece. How hard can it be to entertain a toddler for a few hours? Turns out, very hard. Within minutes, she'd turned the living room into a war zone, with crayon graffiti and a trail of sticky handprints leading to who knows where. By the time her parents got back, I was ready to sign up for a lifetime supply of earplugs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 208

You deserved it 435

Today, I asked my mother why she had me in the first place, as we never get along. She replied because my father wanted me. So, I called my father to ask him the same question, he said he only wanted to have me to keep my mother around, and that didn't work, so I was a waste. FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 978

You deserved it 4 552

Today, my mother dragged me to the mall to get me out of the house and to get me to stop using my phone. She then spent the whole trip talking on her phone instead of actually interacting with me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 971

You deserved it 2 370

Today, I thought about my boyfriend and all the things we used to do together years ago. Today, I also spent the day doing my now husband's laundry and watching him sit on the couch with his hand inside his underwear. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 403

You deserved it 6 166

Today, my friends and I noticed that people, no matter what stereotype, pretty much all have the same type of friends: the mean one, the funny one, etc., and started naming off the people in our group who fit into those personalities. We got to the token fat one, everyone looked at me and stopped talking. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 040

You deserved it 10 388