Nearly FMLs

By FML - 09/12/2016 16:58 - United States - Birmingham

Today, my fiancé had the best sex of his life. I didn't have sex today. FML

I agree, your life sucks 523

You deserved it 38

By Ugh - 09/12/2016 16:53

Today I had a pretty small fever but had no thermometers so when I called in for work I lied and said I have a 107 degree fever, they said I should be hospitalized and I laughed it off and told them I misread it. Guess who has to work later tonight FML

I agree, your life sucks 306

You deserved it 177

By idiot - 09/12/2016 16:11 - United States - New York

Today, I was invited to walk to Dunkin Donuts with the guy I like. I was really excited until his girlfriend walked over and asked if they were leaving for their mini date yet. I walked behind them the whole time while they kept making out in front of me.

I agree, your life sucks 439

You deserved it 40

By KingKralj - 09/12/2016 00:34 - United States - San Ramon

Today, my bike brakes failed as I was going downhill. I ended up running a light and hit a car at least 23 mph. FML

I agree, your life sucks 584

You deserved it 60

By SchoolsAwkward - 08/12/2016 22:03 - United States - Laurel

Today, While at a resort, my friends and I decided to go to the indoor pool. I was surprised when I saw one of my senior students as a life guard. I ended up hitting my head on the ladder and sank to the bottom of the pool. I then opened my eyes to see my student giving me mouth to mouth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 540

You deserved it 49

By Shoeless - 08/12/2016 21:59

Today, while on a ride at a water park, someone stole my thongs. The ground is hot enough to burn the soles of my feet and it's almost an hour via public transport back to the hotel. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 457

You deserved it 38

By squizzlebee - 08/12/2016 20:09 - United Kingdom - York

Today, as always, my favourite foods are pizza, cheesecake and chocolate. Today is also the day I've discovered I have an intolerance to dairy products. FML

I agree, your life sucks 445

You deserved it 52

By Anonymous - 08/12/2016 19:47 - Singapore - Singapore

Today, I can't seem to get a job after going for more than 20 interviews over the last two months. I've got a bachelor's degree with honors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 481

You deserved it 68

By Awkward - 08/12/2016 19:45

Today my fiancee and I were having sex, it was lovely and we both were really into it. I decided to tell him I love him. Well, he didn't say anything but his penis decided it didn't want to stay hard any more.. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 39

By PotentiallyUnemployed - 08/12/2016 14:48 - United States

Today, I was complaining to a coworker about how my manager had changed my schedule without telling me. I dropped some f-bombs and was pretty heated about it. Then I looked down and realized my phone had recorded it and sent it as a voice message. To my manager. FML

I agree, your life sucks 431

You deserved it 144

By hellpop - 08/12/2016 11:44 - United Kingdom - Swansea

Today, my stepdad joked about my "terrible, selective memory" while at a restaurant. I was diagnosed with transient global amnesia two weeks ago. I started crying and everyone stared, including him. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 462

You deserved it 28

By The anti scrub - 08/12/2016 11:20

Today, after asking my manager how his day was going he explained that he stopped drinking and was on a good streak on not smoking. Not even 10 minutes later I overheard him asking a co-worker for a cigarette because "these day shift transfers" are really pissing him off. I'm the only day shift transfer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 29

By Anonymous - 08/12/2016 04:39

Today, I tried inviting my new pregnant coworker to a crepery and I was excited that I could be able to hang out with another pregnant woman like myself. She says "Ah, ok. My aunt is in town, I'll go with her." Can't tell if I was rejected or she is oblivious it was an invite. FML

I agree, your life sucks 528

You deserved it 69

By Deadmau5 - 07/12/2016 13:23

Today while walking to the shop under the blistering African sun, I stepped on something that stuck to my shoe. Believing it was bubblegum, I stopped to scrape it off on the gravel. It was not gum, it was a dead mouse. FML

I agree, your life sucks 604

You deserved it 75

By Anonymous - 02/12/2016 17:05

Today, my crush got together with a dude on my 18th birthday party after I tried my best to win her over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 218

You deserved it 379

By muppetsrule - 02/12/2016 02:28 - China - Shenzhen

Today, my meeting for feedback and to see of I got my promotion was moved again. For a company meeting about the benefits of moving up in the company. This is the third time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 030

You deserved it 178

By The_life - 29/11/2016 12:14 - Australia - Fraser

Today, I asked my date if he was ready for formal. He quickly looks at me and says 'I haven't gotten a suit yet, we've been pretty unstable the past few days, I didn't want to waste my money'. The formal is in 3 days and we've been dating for 2 years. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 493

You deserved it 263

By bad friend - 28/11/2016 18:53 - United Kingdom - Chichester

Today, I was sneaking around my flat mates room looking to see what he got me for Christmas. He was joking that he got me coal... I saw a hidden bag of coal. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 153

You deserved it 517

By they were 60% off ok - 28/11/2016 14:04 - United States - Charlottesville

Today, I made the poor decision to wear three-inch platform heels to class. I had to step over someone to get to my seat, and a combination of not being used to the shoes and pure clumsiness caused me to uncomfortably ram my knees into his legs and then step on his foot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 357

By Anonymous - 25/11/2016 07:33 - United Kingdom - Glasgow

Today, I had agreed to watch my Mum's dog while she was away in Paris. The same dog who has woken me and my partner up with his whining after only 7 hours of sleep. My mum hasn't even left yet, she's still asleep... in MY bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 377

You deserved it 379

By Rooster - 23/11/2016 17:31

Today, while on holiday at my grandparents' farm, I met a really nice girl nearby and hit it off. Then the cockerel decided to interrupt and chased her away. Cockblocked by a cock. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 491

You deserved it 236

By datechnerd - 19/11/2016 06:40 - United States - Charles City

Today, my second day training for close at the gas station. My trainer quit 3 hours into the shift and left before the store managers got there. This same person complained to coworkers that I didn't have enough training at the beginning of the shift. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 691

You deserved it 386

By sdougie001 - 18/11/2016 22:33

Today I got into a car accident, because I was distracted by a car accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 667

You deserved it 1 082

By isabellam0426 - 15/11/2016 06:55 - United States - Katy

Today, someone asked me what happened to my face. I said someone punched my face because I was too embarrassed to admit that it was a nasty pimple trying to heal. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 825

You deserved it 474

By littlestfish - 15/11/2016 03:00

Today, while hooking up with someone I've been casually seeing for the past month, he stopped, got out of bed, grabbed a vial of cocaine out of his jacket pocket, and proceeded to do a line in my bathroom before returning to bed. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 907

You deserved it 264

By Csm4401 - 14/11/2016 08:29 - United States - Hilo

Today, my new phone came in the mail. I installed all my apps and updates, then put my phone down to charge. Later I find out that the OS update that I downloaded made my phone unusable due to a hardware problem in a select few devices. I needed that phone for upcoming trip out of the country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 644

You deserved it 231

By Anonymous - 14/11/2016 02:28 - United States - Strongsville

Today, I realized how fat I officially am. My seatbelt is completely hidden under a layer of fat. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 555

You deserved it 502

By lccc_ - 12/11/2016 12:11 - United States - San Diego

Today, I was walking up the stairs to my boyfriend's house when a little kid I've never seen in my life hugged my leg and bit me hard enough to break the skin and cause a huge bruise. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 777

You deserved it 181

By ChevyLovzYou2 - 10/11/2016 23:12 - United States - Mansfield

Today, while joking with my boyfriend I said, "My God" in another language. I first thought he misheard me when he gave me a puzzled look...nope he just, "Didn't think I was smart enough to speak another language." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 848

You deserved it 225

By Anonymous - 10/11/2016 19:04 - United Kingdom - Chelmsford

Today, I had to convince someone that having a temperature didn't mean that you "liked the sun". They're 14. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 1 396

You deserved it 139

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, while I was out shopping, a fairly hideous-looking woman stormed up to me and accused me of ogling her, saying, "As if I'd ever date you!" Less than a minute later, she'd somehow managed to bully me into falsely admitting to it and apologizing. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 201

You deserved it 14 792

Today, my husband picked a fight with me because I have more pictures of our child on my desk at work than I do of him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 909

You deserved it 1 463

Today, I went to the pub to have a drink and feel better. I had a chat with an old drunk Irishman and he told me that he reads people and he is very certain that I’m a sad person. I am indeed a sad person. FML

I agree, your life sucks 942

You deserved it 155

Today, my husband took me to an airsoft shop so he could try a new pistol. We went on the range to shoot it, but while he was loading it went off and shot me. I was only wearing my leggings, so I felt the full power of that BB as it traveled at 200 feet per second at my clitoris. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 990

You deserved it 510

Today, my fiancé and I met his mother for lunch to discuss wedding plans. When we got there, I went to the bathroom to wash my hands. I heard a woman talking on her cell phone in the stall about her son's "disgusting, slutty girlfriend." The toilet flushed and my future mother-in-law walked out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 826

You deserved it 3 544

Today, I noticed my daughter’s sullen mood and asked if there was anything I could do to help. With tears in her eyes, she snapped, “Yeah, you can go back in time and keep that appointment you’d made at planned parenthood!” I never had such an appointment and her older brother is a mean asshole. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 562

You deserved it 158