Nearly FMLs

By PartyLosers - 01/01/2017 05:27 - Canada - Stoney Creek

Today, we had a New Year's Eve party at our new house. We invited 30 people. One person showed up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 432

You deserved it 986

By Darthstormer - 01/01/2017 03:02

Today, I had my daughters for New Year's Eve, since my ex-wife and her boyfriend were laid up with bad colds. According to Facebook, however, they were having a great evening out at the bar toasting in the New Year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 371

You deserved it 1 783

By pegsue89 - 01/01/2017 02:45 - United States

Today, it's New Year's Eve, and I'm waiting at the pharmacy for antibiotics for a sinus infection. A week ago, on Christmas Eve, I was in the exact same spot waiting for antibiotics for strep throat. Could I please have one holiday without being sick? FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 290

You deserved it 872

By Anonymous - 31/12/2016 20:11 - United States - Louisville

Today, I was making love with my husband and when I had an orgasm I shit myself. I will never live this down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 926

You deserved it 118

By TheGayTaco - 31/12/2016 20:03 - United States - Houston

Today, after coming down with MASSIVE diarrhea, I pulled up my pants and my wallet fell into the toilet. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 753

You deserved it 76

By OrchidKitten - 31/12/2016 19:04 - United States - Fulton

Today, my sister totaled her car after speeding down slush covered roads while it was snowing badly. She was more upset over the rental car being a Ford than having to get her car fixed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 551

You deserved it 63

By 19, atleast I am not doing any drugs - 31/12/2016 19:00 - India - Delhi

Today, My dad decided that he won't buy me any new books because he thinks I just sit around read books all day and don't participate in outdoor activities. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 535

You deserved it 78

By Car is trying to kill me - 31/12/2016 18:56 - United States - Brunswick

Today, my fiance attempted to fix my rotors after my brakes began acting up while I was driving on the highway the other day...my car is now currently stuck in his mom's garage with the brakes locked up and brake fluid on her floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 474

You deserved it 45

By HardlyHartley - 31/12/2016 18:47

Today, after getting locks for my mini fridge and closet, my roommate decided to glue the keyhole of the locks because "if she can't use my things, then neither can I." FML

I agree, your life sucks 675

You deserved it 34

By Saicere - 31/12/2016 18:40

Today marks six days until I turn 25, and is also New Year's Eve. I moved to a new country a while ago, so had been planning to get drunk in skype with old friends back home. I got ID'd. The legal drinking age here is 18, I'm 5'10", and the girl who ID'd me looked and sounded 12. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 452

You deserved it 91

By Hollerz88 - 31/12/2016 18:01 - United States - Gainesville

Today, I am very excited to have a date for a NYs kiss for the first time. Too bad my lips are chapped and crusty and I think I might be developing a cold sore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 52

By b1uejay - 31/12/2016 15:57 - United States - Mansfield

Today, I managed to piss off my dad without even being home. How? Although I've applied for nearly 10 scholarships, I haven't applied to enough to please him, so I'm lazy. Also, I didn't clean the house. I did every chore except two. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 447

You deserved it 45

By Anonymous - 31/12/2016 14:37 - United States - Lewiston

Today, My bestfriend is having a new years party, everyone in my family and all our friends can go but I cant because he invited my ex girlfriend hoping to get lucky. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 36

By Stone blood new year - 31/12/2016 14:36 - United States

Today, I'm recovering from another kidney stone and now my body thinks I'm not in enough pain so my period thought it'd show up today too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 451

You deserved it 28

By Zaramia - 31/12/2016 13:36 - Canada - Ajax

Today, I was sitting in the living room when my mom comes and smacks my shoulder. Her hand started hurting so she then made me kiss her hand and apologize for hurting her hand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 399

You deserved it 22

By ChapinWolf - 31/12/2016 07:12 - Canada - Edmonton

Today, my bank card and information was stolen and many random online purchases were made. trying to cheer myself up, i went to the movies. only to get into my first car accident. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 32

By Overwhelmingly Embarrassed - 31/12/2016 07:05

Today I was at my friend's house. I go the use the bathroom (number two) and find out her toilet isn't flushing. I close the lid and call her in to help. She pulls the plug and gets it to work, only to lift the lid and find it overflowing with brown, chunky water. I was mortified. FML

I agree, your life sucks 381

You deserved it 20

By google - 31/12/2016 06:34 - United Kingdom - Manchester

Today, I had to google my nan's obituary to find out when the funeral is. Both of my sisters knew days ago, but my parents didn't tell me. None of them understand why I am upset... fml

I agree, your life sucks 398

You deserved it 21

By anwrootbeer420 - 30/12/2016 22:10 - United States - Dayton

Today, I'm fighting a losing battle against my dog to keep my dwindling underwear supply wearable. After being extremely careful to only leave my panties in the hamper, wash machine, or dresser, things reached a new low when my dog chewed up the panties my fiancé had just taken off me minutes earlier while we had sex. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36

You deserved it 8

By AccidentProne - 30/12/2016 07:21

Today I was trying to apply to modeling agencies to make a few extra dollars and tonight I realized via email that I accidentally sent my headshot and resume to a porn site. Who knew when they said "models wanted" they meant pornstars? I have never even watched porn in my life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 538

You deserved it 125

By anon - 30/12/2016 06:36 - United States - Loon Lake

Today, it's my birthday. I was screamed at, told off and ignored for most of the day. My present before the day was over? My rent is going up 25% and my landlord thought it would make a good Happy Birthday to me and was mad at me for not being "happier" about it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 520

You deserved it 37

By stripperless - 30/12/2016 01:49

Today I found out that my deceased SO didnt just leave me pregnant he also knocked up one of his favorite prostitutes and now she is demanding money FML

I agree, your life sucks 700

You deserved it 52

By Aurora25 - 29/12/2016 22:29 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I had a shower, as you do. I tried this new shower gel that I got for Christmas and washed my lady bits.. Now I'm sitting on a bag of ice for the rest of the night fml

I agree, your life sucks 622

You deserved it 91

By Work_Was_Right_There - 29/12/2016 19:48 - United States - Monroe

Today, while driving to work, I was stopped at a red light. I was picking out some boogers to clean up. A cop pulled up next to me and started laughing his ass off. He then decided to pull me over and give me a ticket for distracted driving. FML

I agree, your life sucks 449

You deserved it 64

By mydadisfrankgallagher - 29/12/2016 17:59 - United States - Pittsburgh

Today, I found out that a check had come in for a lawsuit for my mom passing. I was promised half from my father who mistreated her his whole life. My dad has been lying about it coming, and went on a drinking binge and gave me $50. FML

I agree, your life sucks 589

You deserved it 32

By Anonymous - 29/12/2016 16:24

Today, I was fired for giving a young girl who dropped her meal a replacement I said I would pay for. According to my boss, I'm paid to make money, and he doesn't care if I pay for it, he doesn't want to "encourage" this with the money he gives me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 568

You deserved it 48

By Godihatethiswoman - 29/12/2016 15:17

Today, I told my partner that it probably wasn't a good idea for me to visit his ailing grandfather because I had a terrible cold, and the 3yo nephew who gave it to me shouldn't either. His bitchy mother was behind me, caught the last part, and hates me even more. Only 5 more days with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 598

You deserved it 48

By CreeptacularBait - 29/12/2016 15:12

Today, I found out, I might end up paralyzed. How? A dog. I almost got killed by an excited dog jumping for joy to go outside and pee. FML

I agree, your life sucks 591

You deserved it 48

By CreeptacularBait - 29/12/2016 15:01

Today, after being begged for over a year, I finally let my husband in "the back door". I haven't been able to stop sharting since, he thinks it's hilarious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 446

You deserved it 56

By rapunzel - 29/12/2016 14:42 - United States - Springfield

Today, my mom found my abortion receipt while going through my room... She has taken me to pro life rallies for over a decade. FML

I agree, your life sucks 440

You deserved it 94

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The Top

Today, my daughters announced they had big news. They had a whole presentation saying they wanted our entire family to go vegan. When I told them, as gently as I could, that that was never happening, they burst into tears, screaming, "The planet is burning! Meat is killing us all!" They're 11 and 9. FML

I agree, your life sucks 950

You deserved it 457

Today, I am sat in a house with a husband and three teenage boys who are all grumpy and pretending it’s not because the government just stopped them from watching porn without showing their ID first. FML

I agree, your life sucks 364

You deserved it 96

Today, I was at the bar with a date. My date made a joke about me being a slow drinker, so I tried to impress her by chugging the rest of my glass. She was impressed with how fast I chugged my beer, until it came back up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 913

You deserved it 41 927

Today, my mom tells my sister that she is worried about her because she has a headache and feels like she might be getting a slight cold. I have had the flu for two weeks and have a 103 degree fever. I ask, "What about me?" Her response? "Stay away from your sister." FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 288

You deserved it 2 936

Today, while babysitting, one of the boys fell on an exposed pipe and broke it. It spewed water five feet into the air, spread water across four rooms, and completely soaked another of the boys. Their parents had only left fifteen minutes before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 694

You deserved it 3 225

Today, I was out eating lunch with my parents when my mom complained that I eat too quickly and don't thoroughly chew my food. My dad exclaimed, "That's because she swallows!" FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 711

You deserved it 5 901