Nearly FMLs

By nataleaf - 22/12/2016 18:38 - United States - Oklahoma City

Today, I set up two of my friends on a date, and they asked me to tag along so their mom's don't get suspicious. My guy friend brought his new boyfriend and my girl friend showed up 20 minutes late wearing pajamas. So much for being a matchmaker. FML

I agree, your life sucks 374

You deserved it 50

By Anonymous - 22/12/2016 17:37 - United States - Orange Park

Today, I was talking to a guy who had just moved in next to me. He was pretty good looking, and we were really getting into our conversation. Before I went back in my house, he turned around and said, "You have big boobs for a dude!" I'm a girl. FML

I agree, your life sucks 437

You deserved it 38

By calidodge - 22/12/2016 16:45

Today, I went to meet a guy for drinks. He recently separated from his girlfriend and I thought this would be in the bag. As soon as he shows up he tells me they got back together and he only came because he felt bad for me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 382

You deserved it 46

By Lana - 22/12/2016 15:58

Today I found out that, even though we're not the only couple in the company, my coworkers don't like me because one of the owners and I fell in love. I work my ass off even more to prove I don't get special treatment. Which only leads to ranking up even faster, and them liking me less... FML

I agree, your life sucks 379

You deserved it 35

By Anon - 22/12/2016 09:10 - Philippines - Pasay City

Today, my parents got into a huge fight about who was taking the Chinese takeout home. The fight escalated to my mom saying that my father does nothing useful, and my dad telling my mom to fuck off. They are now finalizing their plans for divorce. FML

I agree, your life sucks 299

You deserved it 19

By JHPugh - 22/12/2016 09:09 - United States - Bloomington

Today, while driving my 96 year old great, great aunt on a 14 hour drive, she had explosive diarrhea. No worries, it's only 7 hours back home in freezing weather, or 7 to our destination. FML

I agree, your life sucks 272

You deserved it 18

By MyArmBuuurns - 22/12/2016 08:07 - United States - Fort Wayne

Today, and for the last three days, I've been suffering from a two inch burn on the inside of left arm. I got it at work, while washing oven racks. The night it happened, my coworkers told me 'it wasn't bad' and 'It could be worse.' It has since then blistered, stung, and scabbed over. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 231

You deserved it 22

By nevertrytofallasleepagain - 22/12/2016 07:55 - Germany - Halle

Today, I woke up with Confetti all over my self because my sister thought it would be fun to use the confetti cracker she bought. Yes that thing going off sounded like a gun shot in my ear and yes it's still in my hair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 22

By recently single - 22/12/2016 07:51 - United States - Portland

Today, I found out my boyfriend was going to propose on Christmas. I also found out about his two other girl "friends", ones pregnant, and the other one was trying to become pregnant. FML

I agree, your life sucks 282

You deserved it 15

By Hikari - 22/12/2016 06:57

Today, I was sitting with my 7 year old cousin. He looks my legs, then says, "your legs are hairy. You should shave them." FML

I agree, your life sucks 260

You deserved it 46

By well shit - 22/12/2016 06:16 - United States - Albuquerque

Today, my father said the only thing he didn't support/believe in within the LGBTQ+ community were bisexuals... He doesn't know I'm bi... FML

I agree, your life sucks 412

You deserved it 58

By ain't that a kick in the head - 21/12/2016 22:51 - United States - Palatka

Today, I discovered that just two weeks after dropping $126 on getting a cavity filled, the tooth has developed an abscess. Guess what I'm removing tomorrow? FML

I agree, your life sucks 421

You deserved it 27

By ghostninja4593 - 21/12/2016 22:32 - United States - Council Bluffs

Today, I consumed more blood than nutrients. I had my tonsils out Friday and I haven't been able to eat or drink today. Except my own blood that flows at it's own will.

I agree, your life sucks 413

You deserved it 27

By Colossalbeard - 21/12/2016 22:13

Today, I was having sexy time with my date. Decided to go down on her while both of us were drunk and passed out. Woke up the next day with my mouth filled with her pubic hair stuck in my teeth. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 403

You deserved it 77

By willachawn01 - 21/12/2016 20:41 - Canada - Mississauga

Today, I learned that my mom's cat's name, Casey, is actually spelled KC. it's short for Kitty Cat. fml

I agree, your life sucks 330

You deserved it 111

By Rapidson - 21/12/2016 19:10

Today my wife was telling me about a conversation she had with a coworker of hers. She told me she said " Yea my husband may not look like much, but he treats me and the kids good". I looked at her with a sad look on my face she said "what", and could not figure out why my feelings were hurt FML

I agree, your life sucks 459

You deserved it 34

By RSterlison - 21/12/2016 19:04 - United States - Federal Way

Today, my dog was farting like crazy. It was only 3 minutes later she went to her cage and pooped everywhere. After cleaning it up she went outside and did nothing. She came in, farting again, and pooped again. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 376

You deserved it 31

By Depressedmomma - 21/12/2016 18:36

Today, i got an app on my phone to help with my 2 year old daughters vocabulary. Its going through the alphabet, got to 'T', "t is for truck", she mimicked, and unfortunatly it comes out "fuck". So now i have a 2 year old running around saying fuck and refuses to say anything else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 328

You deserved it 35

By iamnotapizzapleasestopasking - 21/12/2016 15:46

Today I went to the dentist office, the dentist was wondering if everything was all right. My teeth have started growing outwards as I starting a month ago grew addicted to sucking my thumb. FML

I agree, your life sucks 327

You deserved it 123

By JasonThorn - 21/12/2016 15:24

Today, I went old school and submitted a personal ad in the local lonely hearts paper. I didn't receive any responses and felt I had nothing to offer. Later, I found that there were responses, and my asshat brother intercepted and responded to them, getting a lady penpal who thought he was me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 292

You deserved it 21

By Two - 21/12/2016 13:08

Today I was playing a game I've been steadily chipping away at until the last level, an unbelievable challenge. At last, I had the perfect run, and was mere steps away from the final exit. Then Windows minimized my game to tell me to register. I took a hit, and died. Now I have to start over. FML

I agree, your life sucks 284

You deserved it 45

By CaptainEyePatch - 21/12/2016 10:09

Today I got a nasty cut on my eyeball, and went straight to the the ER. The pain is unimaginable. When I try to get my prescription, I only got half my order. My tylenol codeine was okayed by insurance but the eyedrops required 2 verbal confirmations. It makes sense protecting me from those. FML

I agree, your life sucks 406

You deserved it 23

By Foozball31 - 20/12/2016 22:45

Today I learned that the girl I was going to surprise after a year of being away overseas has a boyfriend that she forgot to mention to me. I already bought my plane ticket. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 521

You deserved it 55

By NoFury - 20/12/2016 20:27

Today I found out my boyfriend of two years only started dating me because him and my sister liked each other, but she wouldn't break up with her boyfriend. He did it to hurt her, and only kept our relationship going to make his ex mad. He tried getting her into bed today, it's my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 512

You deserved it 29

By Oops_Im_Blushing - 20/12/2016 20:13

Today, one of my clients bit me. The first thing my boss said to me after she heard was "Why did you let him bite you?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 435

You deserved it 32

By amileah13 - 20/12/2016 19:47 - United States

Today, my mom decided to cancel Christmas because she didn't feel appreciated enough. Me, being the one to always appreciate her, had to be the one to call my siblings to tell them that Christmas wasn't happening. Now, no one is talking to me and I feel horrible. I'm just the messenger. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 467

You deserved it 36

By passed - 20/12/2016 18:03 - Canada

Today, I found out my mother is choosing to spend the holidays with my ex boyfriends family. Her relationship with his dad is the reason we broke up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 442

You deserved it 16

By Moskaaa7 - 20/12/2016 17:33

Today, I went to the toilet at my internship and I noticed that I'd started my period. I wasn't prepared. FML

I agree, your life sucks 477

You deserved it 118

By brokeaf - 20/12/2016 17:25 - United States

Today, I'm so broke that I resorted to only washing my armpits and crotch area in the shower in order to save soap. FML

I agree, your life sucks 421

You deserved it 44

By Found Jesus...Thanks. - 20/12/2016 16:30 - United States - Muskego

Today, my husband and I made passionate love in the living room. Not a minute after finishing, Jehovah's Witnesses knocked on the door. My husband answered. FML

I agree, your life sucks 417

You deserved it 48

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The Top

Today, I hadn't been out in two weeks, and I was looking forward to going to the beach with my friends. Instead, I rear-ended someone at a roundabout and had to go home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 386

You deserved it 23 691

Today, I came into work feeling good about myself and my upcoming plans. I left before noon with a box of my belongings and uncertainty about my future, having been suddenly laid off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 941

You deserved it 305

Today, working in retail, I noticed a customer looking for an item, so I walked up to them and asked, "Is there something I can help you find?" He replied, "Did I ask for your fucking help?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 891

You deserved it 205

Today, I have tried so many times to do romantic gestures for my girlfriend, but each time she tells me to stop being silly or to just act normal or to stop annoying her. I guess we’ll just sit on the sofa on our phones ignoring each other then. FML

I agree, your life sucks 498

You deserved it 124

Today, half of my motivation to stop drinking is so that my tolerance will go down, because I currently can't actually afford enough alcohol to get even tipsy anymore. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 496

You deserved it 12 800

Today, my dad's face flushed when I introduced him to my new boyfriend. I live in a small town, and it turns out my dad recognized him. He's the secret child from an affair two decades ago. He's my half-brother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 223

You deserved it 330