Nearly FMLs

By Anonymous - 04/01/2017 06:45 - United States - Danville

Today, my fiancé and I ended our engagement due to him texting another girl. normally, this wouldn't be a problem but with the massive flirting and other inappropriate suggestions we ended it. he said it was all "staged" to see if I trusted him.

I agree, your life sucks 368

You deserved it 18

By ScrewedChicken - 04/01/2017 06:05

Today, I was cleaning up around my house and found my wife's calendar. Turns out there's a "Joseph" in her life. Whats more, is that she is going to "Get Down" with him on Saturday. My name isn't "Joseph", and I'm definitely not "Getting down" with her on Saturday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 332

You deserved it 20

By Anonymous - 03/01/2017 23:44

Today, I was sent home from work early because they overstaffed my shift. I was really excited to spend some time with my fiancé. I got home and he was having a nap. No matter what I did, he stayed out like a light for 3 hours until my usual end time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 122

You deserved it 906

By gatewaytoprostitution - 04/01/2017 01:11 - Australia - Melbourne

Today, my ex boyfriend offered me $200 to film a porno with him. Money is so tight at the moment that I actually found myself considering accepting his offer. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 131

You deserved it 13

By Anonymous - 03/01/2017 08:15 - United States - Ashburn

Today is my 3rd day in the hospital with pneumonia in both lungs, aka "double pneumonia." Last week two docs on two separate days said I just had a cold and to just suck it up and refused to give me antibiotics that could have prevented the pneumonia. FML

I agree, your life sucks 157

You deserved it 6

By Anonymous - 03/01/2017 04:29 - United States - Seattle

Today, I paid $250 for a tv mount and professional install. The tv now glitches and turns on and off by itself every two minutes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 127

You deserved it 6

By bennyb1218 - 02/01/2017 22:35 - United States

Today, there was this really cute guy walking past my store, as he looked in the window I had tripped and fallen over nothing. He kept walking and laughed at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 526

You deserved it 71

By VivaMelina - 02/01/2017 22:24

Today, my 5-y/o daughter called a group of teenagers "F*cking arseholes" for knocking her bike over. Where did she learn such a phrase? Mommy's British comedies. FML

I agree, your life sucks 453

You deserved it 100

By Anon - 02/01/2017 21:35 - United States - Lompoc

Today, I drove 500 miles to see my ex, whom I'm still friends with. He blew me off, laughed, and told me not to kill myself. I've been depressed and thinking about it for years. That's why I wanted to talk to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 387

You deserved it 46

By wtj15 - 02/01/2017 21:10 - United States - Clarkston

Today, after reading messages between my girlfriend and her best friend I found out that I'm really the only person in my generation that likes intimacy in sexual relations. Explains why she hates me being so affectionate all the time. Now I don't know how to act around her during those times. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 381

You deserved it 46

By crazyinlove - 02/01/2017 19:47 - United States - Fort Worth

Today, me and my husband found out we are going to be parents again. My husband's side chick and cousins think I'm trying to trap him... Yup after three years and one baby later I'm trying to trap him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 429

You deserved it 43

By a monster calls me spoiled - 02/01/2017 19:45 - United States - King George

Today, like every day for the past week, I've been trying to avoid watching trailers for the movie of a book I'm reading, so nothing about the plot is spoiled. Apparently I've been trying a little too hard, cause in my dream last night I accidentally watched a commercial for it and got spoiled. FML

I agree, your life sucks 334

You deserved it 45

By numbat97 - 02/01/2017 19:03 - Australia - Perth

Today, both my Mother and my Grandma went through my rubbish bin in my room. Mum does it regularly to make sure I'm not throwing out anything "useful", and Grandma did it because she lost her car keys and thought I might have thrown them out.. FML

I agree, your life sucks 294

You deserved it 25

By Haertlturtle86 - 02/01/2017 18:56 - United States - Portland

Today, my girlfriend thought it would be funny to give me a pregnancy scare. Little did I know, her friends thought it would be funny and talked her into it. Nothing like having super high anxiety while flying back to Colorado. FML

I agree, your life sucks 363

You deserved it 21

By penguin - 02/01/2017 18:56 - Canada - Ottawa

Today, we had a bunch of family come over. I also ended up getting my period for the first time, already embarrassed enough, my sister runs around the house screaming, "she's not a little girl anymore!" If I wasn't embarrassed before, I sure am now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 370

You deserved it 21

By Chapman - 02/01/2017 18:05 - Iceland - Reykjav?k

Today, its been four days since I had two wisdom teeth removed. I decided to do it so close to the new year because of school and I was told it was easy. Today is also the fourth day that I can't open my mouth or eaten because my face is so swollen. School tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 263

You deserved it 23

By unemployed not so fast - 02/01/2017 17:55 - United States - Saint Cloud

Today, I'm trying to enjoy my first day of unemployment after quitting a high-stress/low-pay job. I just got a text from my ex-boss asking if I could come in for a few hours to show my successors how to do something. I worked 60 hours last week creating thorough how-to guides for everything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 6 353

You deserved it 610

By Anonymous - 02/01/2017 17:30 - Australia - Darlinghurst

Today, I was working a coffee stand in the middle of a very busy and loud food court, I had been screaming orders, so when an elderly lady came to get her coffee instead of saying something nice I screamed "Have a nice day" in her face, I don't think she'll be needing a coffee to wake her up.

I agree, your life sucks 261

You deserved it 37

By jgrahl - 02/01/2017 17:19 - United States - Dayton

Today, I sent a friend request to a single woman I know. I checked later. She disabled friend requests and didn't accept mine. This happens more often than you know. FML

I agree, your life sucks 231

You deserved it 32

By Ijustdraw - 02/01/2017 17:06 - United States

Today, I got a hole in my fingertip because a client thought it was OK to yank her hand up when she noticed the fake nail had glued us together. When I finally peeled us apart the client had the nerve to ask me if that didn't hurt. Well let's say a cotton full of Acetone or alcohol burns a lot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 215

You deserved it 23

By Pepsi poorhouse - 02/01/2017 16:30

Today I had to take my husband to the ER, because he had a piece of turkey stuck in his throat from New Year's eve dinner. After going for x-rays, a nurse suggested he try drinkinga soda. The turkey became dislodged after 2 sips. I paid a $150 copay for my husband to drink a mini-pepsi. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 264

You deserved it 29

By Anonymous - 02/01/2017 16:20

Today I learned in being evicted in 12 days. I work full time and I'm sick. FML

I agree, your life sucks 232

You deserved it 9

By FBI1236 - 02/01/2017 16:10 - Pakistan - Karachi

Today, I finally stood up to myself and beat the crap out of a bully at school as my father told me to do so. Me and the kid were called to the principal's office along with our parents and my father's smirk faded until he saw that the kid's mom was his boss. And now I am being grounded by my dad.

I agree, your life sucks 359

You deserved it 30

By power_less - 02/01/2017 15:10

Today, like every other evening, I am sitting at home in the dark. So that my stalker neighbor doesn't notice that I am at home.

I agree, your life sucks 265

You deserved it 17

By Anonymous - 02/01/2017 14:24

Today, my girlfriend let me know that she was dumping me. How? By bringing her new boyfriend to my New Years party. I introduced them yesterday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 250

You deserved it 10

By Laphog - 02/01/2017 13:57 - United States - Palatine

Today, I found out that my high school crush became a Pornstar. While going through my old yearbook, I read over her message , which ended with her number and "wanting to do fun stuff" over the summer. Hind sight is 20/20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 232

You deserved it 27

By yeboi - 02/01/2017 13:23 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, I waited for my bus for 2 hours thinking there was school today, we don't have school for another week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 217

You deserved it 47

By whynotanothernight? - 02/01/2017 10:21 - United States - Carthage

Today, I decided to crash at my aunts house, what I did not know was I would get woken up three different times from my cousin moaning, having sex with three different guys. One after another. FML

I agree, your life sucks 276

You deserved it 15

By nørway - 02/01/2017 10:21 - Norway - Kolbotn

Today, I had my two best mates over for drinking. Apparently, they had invited my ex-girlfriend over as well, whom I'm still madly in love with. I fell asleep in my old room, they ended up having a threesome. On my bed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 262

You deserved it 20

By hair or ears? - 01/01/2017 16:52 - United States - Tooele

Today, I went to get my ears pierced. While the lady who did mine was twisting my hair up, she told me her life story of how she wants to be a pro hairstylist. She then spent 45 minutes playing with my hair. By the time she was done, it was time for them to close. I never got my ears pierced. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 074

You deserved it 966

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Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was laying with my cat when someone set off a firework next to my window. Now I have stitches and a bed covered in blood. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 594

You deserved it 188

Today, I begged my parents not to take me to a restaurant for my birthday, but sure enough, they took me to one, along with my siblings, aunts, uncles, you name it. Ordering with them is a nightmare, so after a whole half-hour the waiter still hadn’t gotten everyone’s complicated orders written down. FML

I agree, your life sucks 862

You deserved it 130

Today, I was no longer being considered for the counselor position at a prestigious university because of a social media check. It wasn’t anything on my profile, it was comments I'd made on public posts, laced with profanity and insults towards other commenters. There goes my Christmas. FML

I agree, your life sucks 191

You deserved it 2 581

Today, I walked in on my mom and her friends comparing the differences in their nipples. FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 473

You deserved it 4 239

Today, my brother finally informed me that our shower head has an option to make the water only come out of the detachable part. My left leg's been in a cast for 4 months, and the whole time I've had to shower sitting backwards with my leg sticking out the door. He knew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 574

You deserved it 7 070

Today, I was in the library when police arrested me for threatening people. The librarian even told them I did nothing wrong, and that the actual girl they wanted had already left. They took me in anyway. My dad sided with the police and let me “think about what I did” in jail overnight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 924

You deserved it 89