Sex, Pregnancy and Awkward: Surprise!

Surprise!

By Michelle - 17/10/2023 23:00 - United States - Stormville

Today, the guy I was dating for over a year would only perform oral on me and never sex. I couldn’t figure out why. We grinded a few times. I got pregnant but couldn’t figure out how, because I didn’t have sex. Apparently his penis, hard, is the size of my pinkie. We were having sex, I just never felt it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 710

You deserved it 281

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Same thing different taste

Taste test

By Anonymous - 08/06/2020 23:04

Today, I went to give my boyfriend head, and his dick tasted like condoms. I'm 5 months pregnant, we obviously don't use condoms. He got scared when I stopped and told him, then he got mad at me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 631

You deserved it 264

By air - 13/07/2009 09:17 - United States

Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend that I couldn't believe this happened he said, "I'm not going to lie, I didn't always pull out fast." FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 660

You deserved it 89 183

By Lovejunkie - 01/03/2010 07:30 - United States

Today, after finalizing my divorce, I decided to go out with a guy I had been ogling for months, after much anticipation and a few rounds of drinks at the bar, I was ready to roll. Much to my disappointment, his penis was so small the condom wouldn't stay on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 696

You deserved it 8 645

By ReallyBro - 21/03/2012 07:27 - United States - Keller

Today, after a year of coaxing, I got my boyfriend of 18 months to agree to have sex with me. He decided his first course of action was to try to shove his flaccid penis into my unlubricated vagina. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 489

You deserved it 11 354

Sounds like a catch

By Anonymous - 02/11/2020 02:01

Today, I accidentally got pregnant by my boyfriend of three years and now I’m 4 months pregnant, single and we don’t even talk anymore. The best part is that he doesn’t believe I’m pregnant, nor that it’s his. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 142

You deserved it 433

By Anonymous - 29/08/2013 18:12 - United States - Mount Clemens

Today, my girlfriend freaked out, thinking she might be pregnant due to her period being late. I found myself reminding her that one actually has to have had sex recently to become pregnant. We've been living together, sexless, for over a year. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 758

You deserved it 6 542

Body issues

By Anonymous - 01/12/2021 10:59

Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 449

You deserved it 314

Anticlimax

By Anonymous - 04/07/2022 14:00

Today, after talking to a guy for a month, he finally came over and I totally thought sex with him was going to be amazing. Unfortunately, I did all the work and I didn’t even cum, but he did, then he had the nerves to ask me how it was. FML

I agree, your life sucks 967

You deserved it 396

Bodyshaming sausages

By Anonymous - 05/01/2024 19:00

Today, I knew micropenises existed, I just never expected I’d see one in person after spending weeks building my anticipation of losing my virginity, getting naked in front of him, then being presented with half a cocktail sausage. Even if we had sex I think I’d still be a virgin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 218

Wrap it up

By Anonymous - 03/09/2023 14:00

Today, the one time, THE ONE TIME, we ran out of condoms and had sex anyway, my girlfriend got pregnant, even though she’s on the pill. I didn’t even orgasm inside her, I had to do a Google search to learn that live sperm can emerge and go inside her even before I orgasm. We are so screwed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 228

You deserved it 716

Razz12901 11

Wednesday 18 October 2023 8:10

so your saying in a whole year you never seen or touch his junk?? if you had then you would've known way before now, so the blames on you.

whatshername?! 39

Wednesday 18 October 2023 5:47

Did you never see or touch his penis?

Comments

whatshername?! 39

Wednesday 18 October 2023 5:47

Did you never see or touch his penis?

dasin 18

Wednesday 18 October 2023 6:15

no pica or it didnt happen

RichardPencil 30

Wednesday 18 October 2023 6:55

A pencil dick, huh? I thought those things didn't exist.

Gubbon 17

Wednesday 18 October 2023 10:27

Evidently they do

Razz12901 11

Wednesday 18 October 2023 8:10

so your saying in a whole year you never seen or touch his junk?? if you had then you would've known way before now, so the blames on you.

Gubbon 17

Wednesday 18 October 2023 10:26

You "grinded"? And didn't realize he had orgasms? And you did it all unprotected? FYL for his size, but YDI just as much for the rest.

RichardPencil 30

Thursday 19 October 2023 15:42

"Grinded?" Shouldn't that be "ground?"

Keywords

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The Top

Today, I was going to have sex with my Hispanic boyfriend. I wanted to turn him on, so I asked my friend how to say, "Fuck me" in Spanish. She claimed it was "Pollo frito". I then had sex, constantly saying "Pollo frito" for an hour. I later realized I was saying "Fried chicken." FML

I agree, your life sucks 66 488

You deserved it 183 652

Today, I'm once again stuck on the side of the road. I was borrowing my housemate's old car and it broke down. This comes only days after my own broke down (and will take 3 weeks to repair). None of this is helping my sudden temper and mood swings that have come as a side-effect of discontinuing my anti-depressants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 352

You deserved it 127

The Top

Today, I was hit in the face by the placenta of a cow that had just given birth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 993

You deserved it 5 705

Today, I had to suffer through a four hour flight beside my ex. Yesterday, I proposed, on the last day of our vacation. She said no. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 620

You deserved it 3 053

Today, I went to the living room where my mother was so I could ask her about something. I found her lying pantsless on the couch trying to cut her pubic hair with a pair of scissors. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 237

You deserved it 2 131

Today, I tried to trim my dog's nails. After about a half hour of barking, biting, and general freaking out, I gave up and decided to pay someone else to do it. I'm a vet, and do this for a living. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 517

You deserved it 6 431

Today, while having a serious talk with my father, he said, "Son, you're only alive because of a faulty, off-brand condom." FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 055

You deserved it 3 747

Today, while dog sitting my neighbor's Great Dane, I decided to order pizza. As soon as I received it, the dog stood in the hallway staring at me. As soon as I moved, he ran full force and knocked me into the door, causing me to fall and drop the pizza, which he promptly devoured in front of me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 721

You deserved it 3 606