Sex, Weird, Awkward and Intimacy: Escape route

Escape route

By crap - 26/03/2009 08:37 - Thailand

Today, I went out with this girl I really liked and she came back to my place. Things were heating up and we ended up having sex. I was on top and really into it but in the middle of it she held up her wrist and said, "Hh, look at the time, I gotta get home." She wasn't wearing a watch. FML

I agree, your life sucks 92 637

You deserved it 17 864

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Same thing different taste

New moves

By Glassjaw - 01/08/2009 07:23 - United States

Today, my girlfriend and I had gotten tipsy and found ourselves in the bedroom. We started to fool around and she leaned over to put her watch on the nightstand. I tried to undo her bra, which surprised her, because she elbowed me in the nose so hard that I ended up passing out from the pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 133

You deserved it 7 993

By dfhgblsf - 05/04/2009 19:15 - United States

Today, I was having sex with a girl I had just met. After about 5 minutes in, she said she had to go to the bathroom. So we stopped and she went to the bathroom. After waiting around 10 min, I decided to check if she was ok. The window was open. She was gone. FML

I agree, your life sucks 108 613

You deserved it 36 579

Countdown

By unsatisfying - 28/10/2010 05:05 - Australia

Today, my wife checked the time while we were having sex. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 514

You deserved it 15 564

By Anonymous - 04/09/2011 16:21 - United States

Today, I finally got intimate with the girl I like. As I started lifting her shirt, she stuck her hand down my pants and grabbed my junk. She immediately stopped what she was doing, snickered, and calmly said, "Take me home." FML

I agree, your life sucks 54 268

You deserved it 6 377

Careless Whisper?

By InsultToInjury - 28/12/2018 04:00

Today, I had a one night stand. After her laying there without moving for ages, she impatiently asked if I'd finished. Once she got bored and told me to just finish myself off, her song playlist began playing "Never Gonna Dance Again". Very romantic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 095

You deserved it 1 241

By notmyday - 25/02/2009 23:26 - United States

Today, we were fooling around and I was just about to orgasm when she looked at my clock and said, "I have to go, 'Lost' is on in 20 minutes." FML

I agree, your life sucks 70 050

You deserved it 8 959

Ostentatious

By dgordo3 - 09/02/2009 01:01 - United States

Today, on my way home from watching a movie with a girl, I began having an erection because I thought I could kiss her goodnight. She dropped me off at home, and with my full blown erection, I walked in front of her car with the headlights on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 14 420

You deserved it 46 454

By Anonymous - 16/09/2009 05:19 - United States

Today, while my girlfriend and I were getting it on, she suddenly stopped and yelled "STOP!". I stopped, scared I'd hurt her. She then yelled "HAMMER TIME!" and started to dance. We never finished. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 273

You deserved it 5 624

The wrong kind of banging

By BRELLA - 03/02/2009 19:58 - United States

Today, I finally got the chance to sleep with a girl from home who I'd wanted for a long time. She has low blood pressure problems though, and when things got hot, she passed out while she was on top of me, fell and hit her head on the night stand. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 093

You deserved it 3 948

By depressed - 22/02/2010 07:23 - United States

Today, a girl I have been wanting for years told me she was drunk and needed me to take her home. On the way home she was very frisky and flirty, and I kept telling her to wait till we got to her place. When we finally arrived, she passed out on me and I was stuck there watching her sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 816

You deserved it 26 454

Tucatz 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 16:51

You may need to work on your technique a little.

Bassorandy 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 16:53

She MUST have meant her biological clock, right? Women don't need watches for those kinds of things. Come on buddy, think on the bright side.

Comments

Tucatz 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 16:51

You may need to work on your technique a little.

cellerbeck 4

Monday 2 August 2010 21:57

how small?

Bassorandy 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 16:53

She MUST have meant her biological clock, right? Women don't need watches for those kinds of things. Come on buddy, think on the bright side.

ilovefatcats 12

Saturday 3 April 2010 4:50

… fail at śéx sad so very sad

toch040 0

Saturday 3 July 2010 0:44

please don't talk like that you are taking up the whole comments board

Fuck34 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 16:54

****!

lifesabit 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 16:55

Lol Looks like she wasn't into it.... I'm not sure whether it is a FML or YDI..... think I'll put both....

lesb_lv 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 16:55

LOL u bored her :D

jesseheath 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 16:56

ive never met a girl that mean. i mean.. come on.. she could have atleast faked it.

muso 0

Monday 25 April 2011 18:50

I agree !

ksackal91 0

Tuesday 3 January 2012 19:20

No, she shouldn't have faked it. He would have never of known that he wasnt any good and it would have wasted her time. However, she should have just told him the way she liked it and gave him some pointers for next time.

loganberrybat 11

Thursday 5 April 2012 14:25

Why should she have to fake it?! If he's crap then that's his problem. Sex isn't just for the guy's pleasure, it's supposed to please the woman too. Men are so selfish

paprika_pilipili_fml 14

Sunday 2 December 2012 17:51

I totally agree with you. :)

LoZelda123 20

Wednesday 6 July 2016 22:24

faking it does not help anyone -_- the girl is not happy and the guy will get an ego until he receives a reality check, because the truth comes out eventually

amirn86 0

Thursday 26 March 2009 17:00

Damn that is HARSH I gotta go ahead and second #1. There are a lot of websites to help you with that sort of thing lol

Jaywin 3

Thursday 26 March 2009 17:02

Harsh but this totally reminded me of an episode of 30 Rock where some blind girl pretends to look at her wrist to escape a date with Kenneth after touching his face.