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Today, I was having sex with a girl I had just met. After about 5 minutes in, she said she had to go to the bathroom. So we stopped and she went to the bathroom. After waiting around 10 min, I decided to check if she was ok. The window was open. She was gone. FML

#818670
168 comments

I agree, your life sucks (102621) - you deserved it (34967)

On 04/05/2009 at 3:15pm - intimacy - by dfhgblsf (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I had a substitute teacher for my dance class. I noticed at one point, he took out a camera. The principal came in, everyone was going crazy, and the teacher was dragged out of the classroom. He was taking videos and pictures of us dancing. Turns out he was a registered sex offender. FML

#1163738
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (102396) - you deserved it (4700)

On 04/20/2009 at 7:05pm - intimacy - by seriously (woman) - Canada (Nova Scotia)

Today, my mom and I were watching this movie in which some girls start making out. My mother calls them "sinners" and that they will "burn in hell twice". Then she says "God doesn't like gays". I'm a lesbian. I picked out this movie as a way of coming out. FML

#1734899
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (102341) - you deserved it (16179)

On 05/07/2009 at 9:39pm - love - by HidenSeek (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was at work and a very obese woman came in to get a pedicure. When she took her shoes off I noticed an odd black substance on her feet. I started scrubbing it off and wondered out loud, "What IS this stuff??" As a chunk of it fell onto my lip, she replied, "Girl, that's just the fungus." FML

#259526
171 comments

I agree, your life sucks (102287) - you deserved it (6360)

On 03/10/2009 at 7:55am - work - by SalonGirl (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I was ringing an old man up in the local grocery store when I had realized all he was buying was 3 bottles of vodka and a box of condoms. While I was loading the bags into his cart he laid his hand on my shoulder and told me "I'd take you home with me but chances are I would be arrested". FML

#711978
95 comments

I agree, your life sucks (102172) - you deserved it (5320)

On 03/30/2009 at 9:13pm - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Maine)

Today, I knew my girlfriend was having a bad day. I went to bring her frozen yogurt at work because she loves it. When I was in the elevator, I overheard her colleague saying that the reason she was upset was because she had been cheating on her boyfriend with her new intern. FML

#142506
91 comments

I agree, your life sucks (101963) - you deserved it (4037)

On 02/26/2009 at 12:01pm - love - by froyo (man) - United States

Today, me and my boyfriend came back to my house after a night on the town. Thinking the house was empty, we had sex. Just as it was getting good my phone rings. It was a text from my mom, "Quiet down. Even your father can tell you're faking." FML

#415809
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (101918) - you deserved it (45893)

On 03/17/2009 at 4:40pm - intimacy - by MrAwsum (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I gave a campus tour to a group of high school seniors. As I was showing off the dorms, one student asks, "Are these beds sturdy enough for threesomes?" Before I could respond, another kid shouts, "How would he know, I bet the only action he gets in bed is from his left hand." She's correct. FML

#553783
142 comments

I agree, your life sucks (101470) - you deserved it (10839)

On 03/23/2009 at 2:52pm - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I asked my boyfriend of almost ten months who his top five women to have it off with would be. I was third. My mom was second. FML

#710815
181 comments

I agree, your life sucks (101442) - you deserved it (16991)

On 03/30/2009 at 8:39pm - misc - by lucky (woman) - United States (Ohio)

Today, I found out that Yale had actually accepted me seventeen years ago. My mother apparently burned my acceptance package and letters because she didn't want me to upstage her UChicago degree. FML

Today, my 11 year old brother walked in on me sitting on my boyfriend's ass and giving him a back massage. He tilted his head a little and then said "Aren't you guys doing it wrong? Isn't he supposed to be on top?" My boyfriend laughed and gave him a high-five. FML

#560138
284 comments

I agree, your life sucks (101393) - you deserved it (31174)

On 03/23/2009 at 7:12pm - intimacy - by SLA (woman) - United States (Maryland)

Today, I went to the dentist. He asked me to lean my head closer to him so he could get a better look at my teeth. He was hard. FML

#481871
114 comments

I agree, your life sucks (100965) - you deserved it (5655)

On 03/20/2009 at 12:33am - misc - by rmb131 (woman) - Canada (Alberta)

Today, my ex husband is marrying my sister. FML

#16279756
283 comments

I agree, your life sucks (100789) - you deserved it (6761)

On 05/21/2011 at 11:31am - love - by uetlqdja - United States (Texas)



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