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Céline's illustrated FML

Hi gang! It’s a day of national pride over near the FML offices. There's a time for everything, and even if the desire to piss about to release the tension is huge, we mustn’t forget that we can “laugh about anything, but not with everyone” (thanks Pierre Desproges). Then again, for other people, it’s Black Friday. People are having fistfights over TVs and BetaMax video recorders. In this sort of situation, the race is on to get the first joke in, much like when a celebrity passes away. Not so for the illustrated FML section. We have more class than that, although I'm always complaining that the girl who works in my local bakery still seems insensitive to my thinly-veiled unrequited love. So what does all this mean? "Rip it up and start again" said the Orange Juice song. So let’s try doing so with an untypically saucy illustration, because pleasure is the key.

CÉLINE'S ILLUSTRATED FML

"Is this a real question? Well… Mikado then. Those are really addictive. The big challenge? Getting all the chocolate off without breaking the biscuit stick."

Selfportrait C comme line by Céline
 


This week it’s C comme Line who’s along for the ride. This lady is rather mysterious because I do not know her age either. I say “either” with regards to our friend Mselle Risa from last week. So, we will imagine that she’s an old lady of 86 years young who loves pottery and bowling.

Her info:
Age: "Nice try!"
Location : Lyon, France
Site : Her blog
Her illustrated FML: The one that whacks


C comme Line is obviously a pseudonym. Her name is actually Céline. So I'll mix the two and call her C. for the remainder of the article. Just because it reminds me of my favourite drug (Coca Cola, of course).

Who is C., what does she do? "I'm A / A lion-tamer in a circus B / Art director - graphic designer / illustrator C / Oceanographer." Something tells me that the first one isn’t entirely true, unless like me she considers cats to be wild animals, and that changing their litter tray is a way to subjugate them by confiscating their droppings. Maybe not.

What do you like about what you do?  "The ability to reinvent everything with a pencil. Welcome to my life! What do I miss? Let’s see? A new drawing tablet, I’m thinking about starting a financing project on kisskissbanbang!" It's Christmas soon, don’t forget. Just ask nicely. No me though.

What’s your current news and stuff? "I have a lot of projects on the go, so I must answer your questionnaire in timely fashion.” OK OK! Let’s make it snappy! Your plans then? "There are so many... Start a stationery line, update my website, learn to play the guitar, find a publisher, clone myself in order to actually do all these projects..." I can give you guitar lessons if you like, especially if your goal is to learn the guitar solo from "Boredom" by the Buzzcocks (you must listen to the song to understand the pseudo-joke) but otherwise it’s better to ask someone a little more serious.

Your career so far? "After kindergarten, armed with a thinnish pencil... Oh, is that too far back? I had a fairly simple education path, applied arts and graphic communication school, entering the working world via communication agencies, and I founded a company, I had an agency for 12 wonderful years (hinting at my age there…) and we sold up. New professional life, 2.0." We’re beginning to have the idea of her age. When I asked her who her heroes were, C. said first that was "Carrie Bradshaw for her shoes!” This suggests that we must’ve watched the same TV shows. "No, there were so many wonderful encounters, I would not know who to start with.” It’s often said that we should never meet our heroes, it’s always a bit risky.

And what made you want to draw, if there was someone or something? "I've always drawn, so I will say that my story is less original than “I hit my head sliding off the toilet, I had this vision and the idea came to me... ". My first inspiration was from books I think, they made my imagination wander, an imagination that is just waiting to be translated into images." So I understand a little more about the initiative to illustrated one of our little stories. Are there illustrators that you like in particular? "There are so many! You must see the list of links on my site, it’ll be quicker. I love the critters by the late HR Giger (I’m a huge fan of Alien)."

Tell us what you love in life, your passions, your hobbies, your vices, your little pleasures of everyday life. “I’m once again addicted to coffee, that's a vice but also my pleasure in the morning. I hate TV but am a knowledgeable film buff. I love traveling to scribble and take pictures. I collect Converse sneakers and I gladly travel to London when the opportunity arises." Hmmm, Carrie Bradshaw, but hates TV? I feel the debate "TV sucks but I love shows like Breaking Bad" around the corner. I will serve myself a Diet Coke and stroke my cat to calm down. Not that I'm judging anyone, I'm probably imagining all this. Which is what happens most of the time.

If you had to tell your own FML, the most FML-esque thing that has happened to you, what would it be? "I'm thinking, I'm thinking... No, nothing comes to mind right away. Oh yes! I found myself in the underground parking lot of my building without my keys, that I’d left in the elevator, itself unattainable without keys. Unable to call anyone whatsoever because I didn’t have my phone. I was forced to stick a shoe in a door, anyway, long story short... Well written, it could have been a damn good FML." Okay, told like this, it’s fine. A similar thing happened to me when staying with friends in London, the day I was leaving on the Eurostar, I said to myself, "Here, I'll take out their trash, it’s a nice thing to do on my way out." The building’s garbage cans were in the basement parking lot, which could only be unlocked with a magnetic key, so the door through which I passed was locked, I thought I was going miss the train. Fortunately, there was construction on the other side of the building, and I was able to escape through a hole. In January I’m going back there, I will pay attention to the doors this time. So, I validate your FML for having lived it too!

And finally, do you have any advice for new artists? ""Hang in there, you're gonna need it!" Noooooo... You need to find your style, your world or blossom, be hard-working, observe the world as it’s very important, and you to have to accept that things change and evolve all the time." Illustration is like life. I evolve all the time too. For example, I’ve stopped cutting my toenails in the living room. Now I do it out of the window. Social progress, it's beautiful.

There, that's it for this week, and for November. Céline, thank you for coming to spew your hatred of migrants... sorry, to have done such a sensual illustration for us (the hyper racist illustration is for next week). I leave you with another song by the Buzzcocks that summarises too my love life in general, and a cat playing the Theremin. Until December, be cute, be grandiose, and dance as if all was well. And be excellent to each other, everything will be alright. I’m about 73% sure.

How about you then? Think you have talent and want to participate in an upcoming illustrated FML? Send us an email on contact@fmylife.com, not forgetting to give us the address of your blog, or just some of your works.

#1559 - Illustrated FML - On 11/27/2015 at 10:30am by Alan - 4 comments

FML Pics : The top 4 pics

They say that a picture is worth a boring bunch of words thrown at you by a corporate robot. That's true. Corporate robots are the worst. Anyway, the FML Pics app is still being downloaded all over the world! We've even got users in the southern hemisphere, and rumour has it that the singer Adele used it on her latest album (probably not true though). Everyone can empathise with the crapness of the situations, a lot of us have blown a gasket in a supermarket parking lot; a lot of us have put our feet through a pane of glass while off our faces on PCP. Or maybe that's just us.

As previously, the FML app has been adding to its catalogue of pics. People have been taking more and more pictures with the app, editing them, adding the FML logo, text, writing captions, voting and commenting on each other's pics… Just like the FML app, but with pictures.

Last time, we had a hit parade of our favourite user submissions so far. We've created what we called the FML Pics Top 4 Best Pics! We mentioned that a Top 4 was weird. So, this time, it's still a Top 4. Because FML is weird and wonderful, and we don't give two hoots what people think. So here's this month's Top 4, featuring the actual FML Pics user's caption underneath each photo.

 

#4: So that's why they don't pay tax

"Look how well my IKEA bed was made. Flimsy cardboard."

 

#3: Scratch cards, not smash cards.

"Smashed the lottery case at work while putting away items."
 

#2: The Built to Spill remix album

"Bought a new seal joint, forgot to fit it, switched it on anyway."

 

#1: The saddest of them all

"Was feeling single as fuck so I decided to hold hands with mannequins
and take pictures.
"

 

So, what can you do now? Get the FML Pics app for your iPhone or iPad by clicking on the icon below of course, and then join in the fun. It's free of course, it's easy to use and we're here for any questions you may have about it. Oh, and no point using pictures from imgur or anywhere else. It's for your own pictures, not other people's.


DOWNLOAD FML PIC
S

We'll be posting more Top 4 pics in due time, so get snapping, you may be featured soon!

#1558 - About FMyLife - On 11/24/2015 at 5:26am by Alan - 11 comments

Mselle Risa's illustrated FML

Let's not kid ourselves, there’s not a great vibe at the moment, globally. It's now the weekend after last weekend, the shitty weekend, the weekend when the wheels came off in Paris. Life goes on though. If we stopped publishing, if we stopped having fun, if we hid ourselves, if we were constantly afraid, if we cried non-stop, it would mean that the idiots would’ve have won. That’s not going to happen, folks. So, here we are again with a brand new illustrated FML. Usually, FMLs is the day to day crap that makes you laugh, something that you can imagine living yourself. We will try to forget about the unimaginable, just so we can present the artist of the week. "Talking about something else doesn’t mean we stop thinking about it, MOFO" - Sophie Marie Larrouy. Come on, let’s do this.

MSELLE RISA'S ILLUSTRATED FML

"Strangely, I prefer chips to cookies, but if I had to choose a brand, I'd pick the classic chocolate ones from Lu."

Autoportrait Mselle par Risa
 


This week Raïsa is with us for the ride. This young lady is rather mysterious because I don’t know how old she is. Or she just forgot to tell me. We'll call her by her nickname, Mselle Risa.

Her info:
Age: No idea
Location: Internet
Website: Her blog
Her illustrated FML: The short one


Mselle Risa contacted us some time ago with a well enthusiastic email. At the time, we were wary about agreeing because we were not sure how she would go about interpreting an FML, but we had been wrong to even doubt her talent for interpretation. Her illustrated VDM is rather clever and cute. And that's what we need right now, cute things. Kittens, candy and hugs. Speaking of which, this morning I was on the verge of offering to hug the girl who works in the bakery opposite my building (the one for which I have a boundless, unconditional love, albeit a secret one) due to the world being a shithole, and that we have to seize all opportunities to share moments of tenderness. Then I realised it was 7:15 a.m., I still probably stank of the previous night’s cheap wine, and she certainly doesn’t share this attraction, or desire to share tender moments. So I took my sandwich and I scuttled off without saying anything. Anyway, I digress.

Who is Mselle Risa? What is she up to ? “At the moment, I’ve decided to work while waiting to retake my accountancy degree. I've always loved to draw, but due to lack of time, I started to neglect my passion. This year is THE year I stop finding excuses. Before I was a little piece shit, drowned in piss-flavoured sorrow due to my degree failure. But now I am reborn ... I would say, I feel "Let it goooooo, let it gooooo“ (big up Elsa). Ok, I’ll get my coat." I said that if I heard a reference to that song one more time, I scream a scream of hatred and despair. I just did, I shouted, “WHAT IS LOVE? BABY DON’T HURT ME” out my window. But seriously? "No seriously. That's why I decided to create my blog and my Facebook page. A big step for me. In short, to answer your question, I can manage things and do whatever what I want. Take more time to draw, practise so I don’t lose my touch." Practise makes perfect. Or is that plastic surgery? Nah, have you seen those people?

What do you like about what you do? "Knowing that for once, this is my own little universe. Having this sense of control. "I've got the power", as my friend Jim Carrey would say.” Wait, what? Jim Carrey? What a younger person’s mistake. I’m an old fart, I'll educate you. It comes from "The Power" by Snap. What a great song, so many memories of not scoring with girls with that playing in the background. "What I do, what I create, it all belongs to me and I cherish this power. I draw for me. How cool is that? You know, that moment when you have an idea, you get to transcribe it perfectly on paper. And finally, for a moment you giggle like a fool while drawing? That’s what I love. From the moment my own drawings make me laugh, I know I’ll be able to communicate that to at least one other person." The pleasure of making people laugh, I know that desire and heady rush. It’s a personal pleasure, too, although I prefer to do it via words and Facebook statuses for the moment! And what you need to complete your happiness? "Oh god, a drawing tablet! Thanks to Christmas and the generosity of others, which I hope will be huuuuge and my own money of course, my goal will be achieved. At the moment I'm working by scanning my stuff, but it would be a real plus to have a small tablet. I already idealise it in its bassinet. Yes, I said bassinet." I hope you get it. And while we’re on the subject, I would like as a gift a whole bunch of money. Lots of money to go on vacation. And buy me a giant cat tree thing.

What’s your news then? “I’m just starting to find a good rhythm for my illustrations. I have to feed my baby blog. So for my news, I will say my blog. There may not be many items, but everything is homemade with love, all sprinkled with humour." And your projects, apart from your blog fed with love and humour? “Publish a comic book. 5 years ago, a crazy idea, which should have remained a joke amongst other people, took shape on paper. When I'm done and I feel ready to share, I'd really like to publish it. This is one of my main goals, if not my dream. Although, it’s a dream, it doesn’t mean that I’ll succeed... I know that drawing isn’t my profession, I’m not an illustrator, I have no training as such, but it does not undermine my resolve. And also, maybe nobody will engage with the story. But never mind, I must do it, even if it comes out when I’m 100. Yes, I also plan to live a long life." I don’t recommend it. My grandmother is 97 years old and she complains about it. She bored, and will say so to anyone who will listen. So I guess we might as well eat badly and booze away.

 

 

What made you want to draw, at the outset? "My big brother. I was 6 years old when my brother amused himself by copying Dragon Ball Z, to draw Goku. The girls in Nicky Larson. Me, like a sheep, did the same. It started like that. And so on for all the cartoons I saw." This seems to be the right school for learning how to draw for a lot of illustrators.

Your little pleasures in life? "I love cooking and eating. A perfect combination. Those who know me know that I love snacking. Watching TV shows and reading books. Making origami objects. But drawing remains my ultimate hobby!"

How about a personal FML if you have one? "One winter morning, (I say this because it was still dark), I left the bus to trundle to class. My eye was caught by a beautiful cat by a hedge near a store. There was nobody around, so I jumped at the chance to see him. While stroking him, I felt sorry for him, it felt from his rough fur that he’d lived for a long time in the street. Then our eyes met, and I noticed that his were all lifeless, and I realised that the cat was dead! You can imagine my scream." Ewww! That’s awful ! Yes, OK, I'm a crazy cat lady. Poor cat.

And finally, do you have any advice for new artists? “You must give yourselves the means to succeed. Nothing is impossible, only limits that you impose on yourself. If you know that your artistic background is weak, draws as much as you can, to acquire a solid foundation."

There, that's it for this week. Thank you Mselle Risa for your illustrated FML, it was a pleasure to have you amongst us. Next week, it’ll the turn of a horse that paints with its tail but only if a dog is looking at him and barking. It will be fun, I promis. I leave you with a band that was little known until recently, who did an excellent cover of an excellent song by an excellent band from the ’80s. See you next week, be excellent to each other, and everything will be alright. I think. 

How about you then? Think you have talent and want to participate in an upcoming illustrated FML? Send us an email on contact@fmylife.com, not forgetting to give us the address of your blog, or just some of your works.

#1557 - Illustrated FML - On 11/20/2015 at 10:50am by Alan - 1 comments

The real FML

There are days, like today, when saying "Fuck my life" isn't enough. It loses all meaning when compared to something truly awful. Everyday crap takes a back seat, and the traumatic can't be avoided.

As you may or may not know, FML was created and is run in France, a country which was hit by terrible attacks yesterday evening. We actually know people who were hurt by the bullets. This means that we can't bring ourselves to laugh at anything, for now. All our thoughts go to the people, any people, who were affected by this tragedy. The fucked up lives are theirs for now, and we're taking a step back to reflect on the state of things around us.

No FMLs will be posted today.

We stand united. Don't let the bastards get you down. We'll smile again tomorrow, maybe.

 


Peace for Paris (@jean_jullien)

#1555 - About FMyLife - On 11/14/2015 at 4:19am by FML - 135 comments

Bramblelady's illustrated FML

It's Friday, it's time to partay with the illuminatay! It is finally time to kick off my high heels and tear off my dress suit, but first we’re going to the weekly meeting where we’ll be introduced to the FML artist of the week. Everything will go according to plan, and everyone will be in a great mood, partly due to the fact that we’ll be stuffing our faces with Pringles and Jack Daniel’s. I mention these two brands specifically, hoping that this deliberate and free publicity will get me the honour of receiving a delivery of a whole range of their delicious products. It would be really nice of them. Anyway, let’s get on with the show!

BRAMBLELADY'S ILLUSTRATED FML

"As soon as I go outside, I'm always imagining the worst disasters that could happen to me, the slightest little insult, a kidnapping, or a spontaneous combustion."

Self-portrait Bramblelady by Elise
 


This week, we’re back in the fabulous world of Manga. This time, we’re guided by a young girl, whose youth makes me grumpy.

Her info:
Age: 16
Location: "In Annonay. Which means nothing to you, so Lyon, France."
Website: Her blog
Her illustrated FML: The one about the pregnancy


Bramblelady is as I said an illustrator from the younger end of the age spectrum. But her talent is already beyond her years, and wide enough for anyone, as you can see. She comes from the Lyon region in France, and she had contacted us via a simple email a few weeks ago, and here we are in the future, discovering who she is, what she likes, and why she does what she does. Because that's the goal of this part of FML, discovering the artists and allowing them to express their pain, their doubts, their pleasures. We are here to get acquainted, much like dogs sniffing their asses at the dog park, but in a little more civilised fashion.

So who is she? What does she want ? "I'm in my final year of high school, and in fear of the baccalaureate at the end of the year (the french high school diploma), because I’m scared of failing it... But don’t go thinking I’m a pessimist, I’m a very optimistic person!” With such a positive attitude, you must love your life? "I love to draw, but mostly creating small comics; what I enjoy most without a doubt is seeing someone laugh or smile looking at what I’ve created. I like humour and I think that in this sometimes sad world, we could all do with some from time to time, more than we think.” I totally agree. You can tell a society has got a morale problem by checking the amount of successful comedy shows there are. Well, unfortunately, at the moment, people are going out in droves to see absolute shit like Dane Cook and Larry the Cable Guy, so things must be bad out there.

You're still young, so your school days must be quick enough to describe I suppose? "As I said, I’m in my final year of high school. Next year I want to integrate an art school or perhaps go to Belgium to go to a comics school." It's a great idea, you must pursue this path. We must follow our dreams, unless our dreams are the same as Charles Manson’s.

Do you have a news to tell us about? "Not much. Work, work and more work. After all, in the my year at high school, it's no wonder. I always try to find moments to draw, but I never take much time to fully apply myself and I sometimes find myself with a great idea but a... less than great end product." Sometimes, the funniest cartoons aren’t the most technically proficient, but it’s the idea behind that gets the laughs and which matters the most. The story does everything, and if the two can be combined, it’s even better! In any case, we hope she makes it.

Do you have any other projects, besides the diploma at the end of the year? "Unfortunately, way too many. Designing a cartoon from start to finish, doing sculptures, paintings, animations... I don’t know where to start!" I wouldn’t be worried, it’s rather a good thing to have a whole bunch of projects. The opposite would be sad. Empty, a low point, a desert. Enjoy yourself!

Is there someone, someone or something that made you want to draw? "As a child, I admired my mother, who draws exceptionally well, I wanted to draw as well as she did! Both on my father's side and my mother's side artists were present, which pushed me into this path. And I don’t regret it."

Tell us what you love in life, your passions, your hobbies, your vices, your little pleasures of everyday life? "After a long day in the rain and collapsing from all the work, I like to go back home, make myself a hot chocolate, wrap myself in a blanket and spend hours scrolling through Tumblr, watching a good series, drawing for a while or playing my 3DS. A hermit's life in short. But I never get bored of it! " That's understandable, I'm a bit like that. After a long day moderating FMLs and dealing with its users, I like to open up a bottle of wine, empty it down my gullet and lie down in a warm gutter. Speaking of work, you have to be comfortable to work properly. Where do you like to be? "In my bed. It's a little weird, but before you ask, yes, I have an office like everyone else. I was climbing the ladder with my pencil case, some sheets of paper, a book as a support and my headphones, I get right nice and comfortable in my bed and I start. The inspiration for my drawings and comics often comes to me before going to bed very late and this is where all my ideas come together. But it's true that losing pencils and pens under the duvet turns this moment of relaxation into a real headache."

Any artists that have blogs you can tell us about, how we can find them and give them a little shout out? "I love piratesourcil for his outlandish comics and unexpected twists, the rest of my favourite artists are on DeviantArt and they are too many to name!" DeviantArt, this endless rabbit hole! We care leave our readers to go to your page and then find out for themselves.

A personal FML at your young age, is that even possible? "Today, a girl who I befriended during an activity invited me to take one of her two headphones to listening to music with her. She started the music all happy, then frowned at me with disdain and said, "Damn, you took the one that works.” Hey, you know what, that one could actually have been posted on FML if you’d submitted it. What a shitty person that girl was. I’m sure she was listening to shitty music as well.

And finally, do you have any advice for new artists? "Above all draw what you want. That may seem like quite corny advice but I know it’s not easy to draw while being watched by others, so draw what you really want to express, draw what your imagination brings you, draw everything and anything, our delusions, our desires, our ideas... The important thing is to draw primarily what makes us happy." This is very good advice. That's why I only drew swastikas and tits.

OK, that’ll do for now. Thanks Elise/Bramblelady for participation and patience, because I'm annoying with all my requests for corrections, and I must also thank my parents, my agent, my lawyers, Cole Porter for the songs… Next week we’ll be welcoming a blind Moroccan artist who paints with his toe. Perhaps. I leave you with a damn good song and cat cuddles, because it's the weekend! Hugs.

And how about you then? Think you have talent and want to participate in an upcoming illustrated VDM? Send us an email on contact@viedemerde.fr not forgetting to give us the address of your blog, or just some of your works.

#1554 - Illustrated FML - On 11/12/2015 at 8:57am by Alan - 3 comments