Intimacy: Memory loss

Memory loss

By UGH - This FML is from back in 2009 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had to return a shirt to Target. My mom offered to do it for me on her way to work, so I gave her the shirt and receipt. Later, I remembered that on the same receipt I had purchased condoms, lube, and whipped cream. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 274

You deserved it 81 063

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Previous FML Next FML

Same thing different taste

By totallyembarassed - 07/07/2012 04:08 - United States - Charlotte

Today, when I went to pay for my groceries, I accidentally handed the cashier a condom instead of my $20. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 993

You deserved it 28 756

By the_captain - 23/06/2009 00:21 - United States

Today, I was cashiering at Target when an old woman came into my checkout line. Her items? Variety pack of pleasuring condoms, a bottle of KY sensual lube, and two colorful thongs. As I'm scanning these, she leans in and whispers, "I love toys." FML

I agree, your life sucks 55 688

You deserved it 3 501

I'm a mess

By Anonymous - 02/10/2020 23:01

Today, I went in to return a pack of socks. The cashier told me I couldn't return them. Then, I thought that she hadn't given the unreturnable socks back to me, even though she had, so I ended up getting all hormonal and angry over their return policy. When I got home, my mom got on my case too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 348

You deserved it 1 306

By condiments - 22/02/2010 21:13 - United States

Today, I went shopping with my mother, when someone snuck a pack of condoms into our cart while our backs were turned. When we got to the register, my mom, whose wealth makes me ineligible for financial aid, noticed the condoms and she announced that she wasn't paying for the college I got accepted to next year because she doesn't want a promiscuous daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 136

You deserved it 3 061

By danskinnow - 05/10/2009 02:01 - United States

Today, I went to a store to buy a man's thong because my girlfriend wanted me to. When I went in I also grabbed some lingerie for her. Thinking I was being clever I wrapped it up in a t-shirt so no one would notice and went to checkout. The cashier then called for a price check on the thong. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 114

You deserved it 34 687

By HYRTE - 06/09/2017 04:30

Today, I returned a shirt for my mom. When the cashier asked why, I just said my mom didn't like the way it looked. After an awkward pause, I noticed the cashier was wearing the same shirt. She was not amused. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 026

You deserved it 367

By suckerrrrr - 29/05/2009 05:44 - United States

Today, I bought a top with some other things. I went to the restroom and had diarrhea, but there was no toilet paper in the stall. I had to use the receipt from the store. I then realized the clerk hadn't put the top in the bag. I needed that receipt to get the top. FML

I agree, your life sucks 51 220

You deserved it 14 587

Where's my stuff?

By freezingtodeath - 04/12/2010 00:11 - United States

Today, I went into Target's dressing rooms to try some pants on, leaving my full cart outside. An employee thought it had been left there, and took it to put the stuff back. My coat, hat, gloves were in it. I had to walk home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 702

You deserved it 22 960

By geena - 27/10/2012 06:42 - United States - Washington

Today, while at work being a waitress, I gave my customer his credit card receipt to sign. Instead of giving him a pen, I pulled a tampon out of my apron pocket and handed it to him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 067

You deserved it 7 979

By useless pos - 01/03/2013 00:48 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I went out to buy a bottle of wine and some condoms. As the cashier scanned the condoms, she snickered and muttered, "Yeah right." She was right; I really was just desperate to look like I have a sex life. I got so upset that I left my items and walked out with tears in my eyes. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 274

You deserved it 12 351

adelaide_evening 0

Thursday 9 April 2009 2:15

Tell her it was a science experiment where you filled a lubed condom up with whipped cream and saw how long it took for it to explode in a microwave.

Jaxro 6

Thursday 9 April 2009 2:16

Hahahaha, I wonder what there person at the check out was like when you had all those rung up. :P

Comments

Dax212saysFML 0

Thursday 9 April 2009 2:15

lol

NzxtZ06 0

Sunday 30 May 2010 4:12

you ate condoms with whipped cream?

baconbag 0

Friday 22 October 2010 0:12

They sell lube at Target?

sk8rchick97 0

Tuesday 12 July 2011 9:02

who buys that stuff from target?

adelaide_evening 0

Thursday 9 April 2009 2:15

Tell her it was a science experiment where you filled a lubed condom up with whipped cream and saw how long it took for it to explode in a microwave.

mostlybroken12 0

Monday 13 September 2010 3:40

win!

alexh15 13

Saturday 28 January 2012 22:28

That actually sounds plausible! :)

kelseythompson 27

Thursday 2 May 2013 0:47

I would be pissed as a parent if my kid was exploding cream filled condoms in the microwave

teamkakashi 18

Saturday 12 September 2015 21:40

Depends on the age really

Jaxro 6

Thursday 9 April 2009 2:16

Hahahaha, I wonder what there person at the check out was like when you had all those rung up. :P

iloveespresso 0

Sunday 19 July 2009 17:31

#3 i thought the same thing. if i was the cashier id say, "so you like it that way?" and theyd be .. :S

connorgrant98 24

Monday 1 December 2014 6:50

They don't care

Berkies 0

Thursday 9 April 2009 2:18

Ouch man

zach5432 3

Monday 13 September 2010 22:12

the op is a girl

seitz96 0

Thursday 9 April 2009 2:20

Tell her dad had me get a few things after school

smiles1234456 0

Thursday 9 April 2009 2:20

LOL #2 but i voted YDI.. how stupid could you be?

duckpsy 2

Thursday 9 April 2009 2:21

hahah #2. do that if she questions you.

medina55 0

Thursday 9 April 2009 2:21

since when does target sell condoms and lube??? and just hope that your mom doesn't notice those items on the receipt

butterflygal69 4

Monday 2 January 2012 14:50

Really when was the last time u went to Target?

nco1414 7

Monday 3 September 2012 0:42

Target has always sold that stuff..

wrecklesswfire 1

Thursday 4 April 2024 5:45

every target I’ve been to sells all that and more

wow_ugh_fmylife 0

Thursday 9 April 2009 2:23

haha woww FYL for sure! but, seriously, how could you not realize that??

lifeiscrazyyy 0

Thursday 9 April 2009 2:24

woooow! sucks!

Keywords

Gamers Annoying Video games Birthday Money Kids Cute Health Love Weird Awkward Abuse Relatable Social Media Scams Education Parents School Anger issues Teenagers Family Miscellaneous Relationship advice Capitalism Public freakouts Mental health Grieving Geek Music Poopoo peepee

The Top

Today, I was driving to visit my parents for the first time in two years. After spending about $4000 to make sure my car wouldn't break down on the journey, around the halfway point, the front tire popped and the engine blew out. I'm about 5 states away from both my parents and my home. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 732

You deserved it 489

Today, I went looking for a childhood doll - I remembered that my mum kept her in her bedside cabinet. I could see the doll at the back, but there was stuff in the way, so I reached in and took some of it out, only to find I was holding one of my mum's toys… a big black rubber cock. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 226

You deserved it 6 962

The Top

Today, at dinner, I accidentally let it slip that I'd taken a small sip of alcohol a few years ago and hated it. My extremely strict parents are now trying to get me into rehab. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 890

You deserved it 7 329

Today, while tidying up my grandmother's fridge, I got to play expiration-date-bingo. The winner was some type of concentrated apple sauce supposed to be used for salad dressings. It expired in 1986. FML

I agree, your life sucks 821

You deserved it 65

Today, I found out my mother had remarried, and that I was getting a stepfather and stepbrother. However I found out about it 30 minutes before we left to pick them up from the airport, and also found out that I'm losing my bedroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 44 586

You deserved it 2 999

Today, three weeks after my girlfriend told me she was pregnant, she admitted it was a lie. Turned out it was just a test to see if I'd break up with her or not. I didn't, but I did just break the bank buying all the things we'd need for an actual kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 18 509

You deserved it 1 984

Today, I threw a party while my parents were gone. I forgot that our alarm automatically turns on at 11 pm, so when people opened the door, it went off. I couldn't find the number for the alarm company, so the cops showed up. Everyone started cheering because they thought they were strippers. FML

I agree, your life sucks 13 875

You deserved it 55 842

Today, I was told that I was no longer being considered for the Prison Officer job I have been interviewed for, because a social media check showed I had liked a picture of drugs, so my character is inappropriate. I thought it was a picture of candy. I've never even tried weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 974

You deserved it 2 220

Memory loss

Same thing different taste

I'm a mess

Where's my stuff?

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