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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, I went to the blood bank to donate plasma. All went well until the machine went to return my red blood cells. It turns out the nurse sliced my vein and the blood built up in my tissues. I now have a massive swollen arm and bruising, and look like a junkie. FML

#12851581
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30653) - you deserved it (2515)

On 09/01/2010 at 7:08am - misc - by blinkanimgone - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I went to pay my grandma a visit. She called the cops because she didn't recognize me and thought I was a robber. FML

#12850855
61 comments

I agree, your life sucks (32198) - you deserved it (3311)

On 09/01/2010 at 4:27am - misc - by Michelle (woman) - Netherlands (Noord-Brabant)

Today, I was going to meet my friend at a concert. I got there before her, so I went in to check out the local bands that were playing before the headliner. When she got there, I went just outside the building to give her a ticket. The security guards wouldn't let me back in. She went in anyway. FML

#12850151
63 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27054) - you deserved it (6796)

On 09/01/2010 at 3:05am - misc - by deserted - Sent from mobile version

Today, I walked in on my mom's boyfriend jacking off. The worst part was that he didn't stop. FML

#12849732
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (40865) - you deserved it (4171)

On 09/01/2010 at 2:16am - intimacy - by Jill Shanks - United States

Today, I found out that Whoopi Goldberg was NOT Oprah Winfrey's stage name. I was then laughed at for ages by my co-workers. FML

#12848184
40 comments

I agree, your life sucks (7406) - you deserved it (55153)

On 09/01/2010 at 12:30am - misc - by MisterMisinformed - Canada (British Columbia)

Today, Burger King gave me a moldy bun. I noticed 1/5 of the way through the sandwich. My compensation for ingesting mold? A coupon for half-off a Whopper. FML

#12847836
123 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28938) - you deserved it (4749)

On 09/01/2010 at 12:13am - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I have discovered things not to do while drunk. Like shaving my legs. FML

#12846178
84 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8635) - you deserved it (39337)

On 08/31/2010 at 10:46pm - health - by WIno - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was life guarding at a community pool and noticed a toddler go under water. I quickly jumped in and suddenly got a charlie horse which caused me to stall. When I looked up, I saw an old woman saving him, and got a shoe thrown at my head. I was fired. FML

#12843819
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29033) - you deserved it (9634)

On 08/31/2010 at 8:35pm - kids - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, my roommate woke me up during afternoon nap to tell me that I need to move out. His reason: "Our political differences will likely escalate to violence." FML

#12842541
53 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27020) - you deserved it (3147)

On 08/31/2010 at 7:13pm - misc - by NowHomeless (man) - United States (Kansas)

Today, I was out having a beer with a few friends. After getting a pint, I slipped in a puddle of beer, fell on top of a stranger on the sofa, and knocked my beer upside down on my head. Then, completely soaked, I realized I'd also knocked over the table, spilling its content on a poor girl across it. FML

#12842003
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25810) - you deserved it (8519)

On 08/31/2010 at 6:33pm - misc - by nemi (woman) - Norway (Oslo)

Today, I was forced to spend an extra $318 for another plane ticket to Dallas. The ticket wasn't for my daughter, my mom, or my sister, but for the quarter of my butt that apparently needs its own seat. FML

#12841369
357 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21813) - you deserved it (68275)

On 08/31/2010 at 5:40pm - money - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Ohio)

Today, after my husband's phone buzzed like crazy all morning, I decided to pick it up and see what all the fuss was about. He had three new picture messages from his "boss", naked and strapped to a chair with the caption, "Are you still coming over tonight?" We've been married for nine years and have two children. FML

#12838933
213 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62791) - you deserved it (4405)

On 08/31/2010 at 2:07pm - intimacy - by ashlee (woman) - United States (Washington)

Today, it's my nephew's second birthday. He was sitting on my lap, so I started tickling him. He laughed and squirmed so much, he smashed his mouth on my desk. Two bloody hours at the hospital later, he has no two front teeth. FML

#12838070
107 comments

I agree, your life sucks (28255) - you deserved it (9588)

On 08/31/2010 at 12:32pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)



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