Today, I found out that my neighbors' 9 year old son has been the one taking a shit on my doorstep everyday. Why? Because Cartman from South Park said that if you keep doing it, the person in the house will move. FML
by IhateThem / 05/14/2011 at 1:07am / United States / Miscellaneous
by Anonymous / 05/13/2011 at 8:17pm / United States (Florida) / Geek
Today, while tanning on a family cruise, I woke up to a crowd of people staring at me in disgust. Apparently, I'd fallen asleep, developed a boner, and started french-kissing the air. I had to sit through both the surveillance tapes and a grand bollocking from security in the aftermath. FML
by f*cks_sake / 05/13/2011 at 7:07pm / United States (Ohio) / Intimacy
meowcat_1's comment : That's not weird at all...
by Uhmm... / 05/13/2011 at 7:06pm / Canada (Quebec) / Intimacy
Fx13mz's comment : I bet he wore them better than you.
by Alex / 05/13/2011 at 5:10pm / United States (Pennsylvania) / Miscellaneous
by samadams42 / 05/13/2011 at 3:18pm / United States (New Hampshire) / Health
Today, my husband and I went to the state fair. The entire time, he complained about all the money we were losing because of the high prices of both rides and food. Towards the end of the night, we counted the cash we had left and found we were $50 short. Apparently, it fell out of his pocket. FML
by Catie / 05/13/2011 at 2:47pm / United States (Florida) / Money
Today, while making love to my wife, I let slip her sister's name. I don't think it would calm her down much if I told the truth: I was actually thinking of an ex girlfriend who shares the same name. FML
by scalmon / 05/13/2011 at 1:08pm / United States (Massachusetts) / Intimacy
MsSoulReaper's comment : That's pretty fucked up. Try not to think of your ex during sex, she's your ex for a reason!
by crazycat / 05/13/2011 at 12:23pm / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Animals
Today, I was brushing my teeth. As a bent down to spit my mouthful of toothpaste into the sink, my cat decided it would be a good time to stick his head right where I was spitting. I spit a huge glob of toothpaste on his head. He then shook it off all over me and the walls. FML
by toothpastecat / 05/13/2011 at 11:41am / Canada (British Columbia) / Animals
Today, I was wondering why I was getting strange looks all day at work. When I got to a mirror after my shift, I noticed a booger hanging out of my nose, which was visible only when I smiled. My job involves greeting people all day with a huge smile. FML
Today, I was driving along when the car in front of me ran over an animal. I only realised this when a chunk of flesh and blood landed on my windscreen. I put my wipers on to get rid of it but instead it got stuck underneath the wipers and smeared all over the screen. FML
by Username / 05/13/2011 at 4:13am / Transportation