Today, my boyfriend finally got me to orgasm, for the first time in my life, after trying for months. He started laughing when I climaxed. I asked why. Apparently I look like an Down's Syndrome child when I climax. FML

by Embarrassed / 02/03/2011 at 7:28pm / Intimacy

Today, the midwest blizzard hit my town, burying the roads in snow. All the local stores are closed. I'm not only currently on my period, but I'm out of pads and toilet paper. FML

by Anonymous / 02/03/2011 at 3:59pm / United States (Oklahoma) / Health

Today, while waiting for a job interview, a woman sat down next to me and asked if I was here for the job too. Thinking she was also an applicant, I tried to demoralise her, and said the job was going to be a complete joke. With that, she stood up and said, "Do you still want to go into my office?" She was the interviewer. FML

by parker1993 / 02/03/2011 at 1:53pm / United States / Work

robc32ca's comment : you are pathetic

See all the comments

Today, I went on a date with a guy, who decided to rudely text message his friend the whole time. When I got home, I realized he'd been texting the girl he was going to hookup with after our date; she happens to be my roommate. FML

by Username / 02/03/2011 at 1:27pm / United States / Intimacy

Today, I trying to scrape the ice off my car, but wasn't having much luck. Frustrated, I kicked a clump off from the bumper. The clump didn't budge, but the entire front quarter panel fell off. FML

by ColdMN / 02/03/2011 at 12:02pm / United States / Transportation

Today, my phone decided to delete all my numbers. I posted on Facebook that people should message or text me if they felt like I should have their number. I didn't get a single reply. FML

by Kere / 02/03/2011 at 11:42am / Sweden (Hallands Lan) / Miscellaneous

Today, I parked three streets away despite the ungodly cold. I did this because in the past, on my street, I have had my car keyed, my tires slashed, and my side view mirror ripped off. When I went back out to my car, I found that someone had broken off my windshield wipers. FML

by vikingunicorn / 02/03/2011 at 7:52am / Canada (Nova Scotia) / Transportation

Today, while in my doctor's packed waiting room, an elderly woman insisted I take her seat. I thanked her, but politely declined. She began to yell, saying I was "ungrateful", until I sat down. She then left, laughing, as I discovered that she peed in the chair. Apparently, she does this often. FML

by Summer_Jane / 02/03/2011 at 5:40am / United States (Oklahoma) / Health

This FML has been commented on by its original poster.

Today, I was sitting on the toilet with a really bad and noisy stomach upset. Then I hear a knock on the bathroom door. My boyfriend had decided to make a surprise visit. FML

by Kay / 02/03/2011 at 12:33am / Health

Today, my husband decided it would be funny to shout "Woohoo!" in Michael Jackson's voice while having an orgasm. FML

by anonymous / 02/03/2011 at 12:17am / Intimacy

Today, I spent nearly an hour thawing out my car and driving to work in this stupid freezing rain, only to find out that I'm now unemployed due to budget cuts. FML

by anonymous / 02/03/2011 at 12:05am / United States (Ohio) / Work

Today, I accidentally drank my sister's science project. Her science project consisted of taking a glass of orange juice and putting maggots in it to see if they would live. I thought it was just pulp. FML

by Username / 02/02/2011 at 11:46pm / Miscellaneous

Today, I went to shovel the massive amount of snow that was on our car. After spending time in the cold wind, I finally finished, realizing it wasn't my car. It was an identical car. FML

by hehe / 02/02/2011 at 6:57pm / Transportation