Today, I was pulled over by a cop. He asked for my license and registration so I reached for my center console. I was then greeted with a gun to my ear because my coffee cup supposedly looked like a gun. I stepped out of my car to apologize and I was hit with a big stick. FML

by phant776 / 05/13/2011 at 12:02am / United States (California) / Transportation

Atomicsoap's comment : Coffee cups are scary, don't blame the cop

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Today, I saw my dad chugging a beer in the garage. Why is that so bad? He was hosting an AA meeting in the basement. FML

by Eric / 05/12/2011 at 10:19pm / Health

Today, my girlfriend sent out a mass text to everyone on her contact list. She's getting married in a month. I didn't propose to her. FML

by Whosthegroom / 05/12/2011 at 9:09pm / United States (Indiana) / Love

Today, my boyfriend turned down a shower with me because he didn't want to get his hair wet. FML

by Georgia / 05/12/2011 at 9:02pm / Intimacy

Today, my boyfriend came home from a camping trip and broke up with me. All because when he was watching the lake he was near, ripples formed. Apparently, this means God was telling him I'm impure and unable to be "saved by Christ" and therefore, a waste of his time. I dated this lunatic. FML

by dammitvasquez / 05/12/2011 at 7:34pm / Canada / Love

Today, on the school bus, I rapped on a window in an attempt to get my friend's attention. A guy sitting behind me took this as an opportunity to shove my face into the window, breaking my nose. FML

by Anonymous / 05/12/2011 at 5:45pm / United States (Indiana) / Health

Today, I finally came to terms with the fact that my girlfriend considers me a glorified ATM. FML

by ClearOne / 05/12/2011 at 3:25pm / United States (New York) / Love

BigBoiToys's comment : Ditch the bitch. That simple

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Today, as a prank, a friend and I tied a 10 dollar bill to a fishing line, and yanked it away from people as they reached for it. It was going really well until one of our victims pulled a knife and chased us around the block. FML

by Jackassed / 05/12/2011 at 1:53pm / United States (New York) / Miscellaneous

Today, as I was filling out divorce paperwork, I realized that my son has had the same girlfriend through both of my marriages. He's 17. FML

by Username / 05/12/2011 at 7:09am / Love

spazticechidna's comment : Good for him for being able to stay in better relationships then you.

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Today, I got a paper cut from a 'get well soon' card. FML

by Anonymous / 05/12/2011 at 3:54am / Health

Today, I called a possible employer I had an interview with about a week ago to see if I had got the job that I have already been trained for. Her response? "Are you sure I interviewed you?" FML

by Username / 05/12/2011 at 2:17am / Work

Today, I had a full on "conversation" with my cat about her laying off the catnip. I really need to get out more. FML

by Anonymous / 05/12/2011 at 12:41am / Animals

Today, my doctor told me I should consider a breast reduction. I'm a man. FML

by anonymous / 05/11/2011 at 10:20pm / Health