Submit your FML story

  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, it was the first day of my job at a kindergarten. A boy fell over in the playground, so I ran over to see if he was OK. He got up and had a huge red mark on the side of his face. Shocked, I yelled "Oh my god, your face!" Turns out it's a very large port-wine birthmark and now he won't stop crying. FML

#5119886
74 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36987) - you deserved it (13383)

On 09/08/2009 at 12:42am - kids - by GhettoBeast (woman) - New Zealand (Auckland)

Today, while my girlfriend and I were getting it on, she looked up at me and said, "You look a lot like your brother." FML

#5119297
29 comments

I agree, your life sucks (21185) - you deserved it (2106)

On 09/08/2009 at 12:16am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (California)

Today, I found out my mom was getting remarried, to my dad. He's been in prison for five years because he pushed her out a window. FML

#5116471
97 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54271) - you deserved it (2160)

On 09/07/2009 at 10:28pm - misc - by kennedygeeee (woman) - United States (Georgia)

Today, I got jumped by five dudes who took my phone. On it I had naked pictures of myself. An hour later they sent the pictures to all of my contacts. FML

#5113950
115 comments

I agree, your life sucks (20438) - you deserved it (42311)

On 09/07/2009 at 8:52pm - misc - by c-mack (man) - United States (Maryland)

Today, at work, I accidentally got ink on my white dress shirt - right by my left nipple. Absentmindedly, I licked my finger and tried rubbing the stain out. When I looked up, the Vice President was staring at me in disbelief. FML

#5110537
78 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34300) - you deserved it (5920)

On 09/07/2009 at 6:19pm - work - by CMANIA (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, my boyfriend of 4 years proposed to me. I said yes and he gave me an engagement ring. He immediately went to call his mom to tell her the happy news. After the phone call, he asked if he could return the ring because his mom needed money. FML

#5110290
183 comments

I agree, your life sucks (51273) - you deserved it (3424)

On 09/07/2009 at 6:08pm - love - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Mississippi)

Today, I ran into my parents bedroom after I heard my name and what sounded like painful screams. When I opened the door my parents were on top of each other laughing hysterically. They needed me to find the key to the handcuffs. FML

#5109294
122 comments

I agree, your life sucks (54543) - you deserved it (2924)

On 09/07/2009 at 5:20pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (California)

Today, I finally figured out why my 5 year old daughter washes her hair everyday. It's because she doesn't want to have "yucky greasy" hair like her mommy. FML

#5108353
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (13893) - you deserved it (42397)

On 09/07/2009 at 4:25pm - kids - by greasyhair (woman) - United States (New York)

Today, I was walking on a busy street. I saw this beautiful blonde walking across the street and a car was coming. I wanted to be like in the movies where the guy pushes the girl out of the way so she doesn't get hit. I accidentally pushed her the wrong way. Right into the car. FML

#5107087
143 comments

I agree, your life sucks (11628) - you deserved it (70490)

On 09/07/2009 at 3:21pm - misc - by ilovefootball (man) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I was arguing with my dad. I called him a geriatric fool. He replied with, "Well at least I know who my biological father is." I have no idea if he's joking. FML

#5107055
81 comments

I agree, your life sucks (49910) - you deserved it (7229)

On 09/07/2009 at 3:19pm - kids - by Waheyyy (man) - United Kingdom

Today, I met my boyfriend's mother for the first time. She greeted us holding a baby, and I told her how cute her son was. She told me that it was her grandson. Turns out my boyfriend is the father. We're 16. FML

#5106151
148 comments

I agree, your life sucks (52594) - you deserved it (3922)

On 09/07/2009 at 2:22pm - misc - by Notyourstepmom - United States (Nevada)

Today, I told my parents that all I wanted for my 18th birthday was to go to a restaurant in NYC for a nice dinner. My parents denied me saying that it would cost too much money. I come home today to see my parents had bought a huge plasma screen TV for $800. We already have 3 tv's. FML

#5106041
141 comments

I agree, your life sucks (41643) - you deserved it (3805)

On 09/07/2009 at 2:16pm - money - by AH (woman) - United States (New Jersey)

Today, I decided I would finally get up and weed our front yard. After a long couple of hours, I was hot and sweaty and decided to jump in the pool, with all my clothes on, just for fun. Right as I was in the air doing a cannon ball, my BlackBerry started to ring from my pocket... FML

#5105234
100 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14003) - you deserved it (51314)

On 09/07/2009 at 1:32pm - money - by ByeByeBlackberry (man) - United States (Illinois)



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