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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, it was my boyfriend's parents' anniversary so I thought I'd do something to impress them. I made them chocolate-covered strawberries. But for some reason they gave me really dirty looks when they saw it. Turns out his mother is allergic to strawberries and his father is allergic to chocolate. FML

#12916563
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36795) - you deserved it (5077)

On 09/05/2010 at 11:49am - misc - by wakinginvegas87 - United States (California)

Today, I woke up from a dream in which I had a penis. Apparently I talk in my sleep, because my boyfriend kept staring at my crotch. FML

#12915850
159 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33098) - you deserved it (4845)

On 09/05/2010 at 10:20am - intimacy - by urgg (woman) - United States

Today, after having a fight with my boyfriend, we had what I thought to be the best make-up sex, because he seemed so happy and upbeat. Turns out he misunderstood. He was happy because he thought it was break-up sex. FML

#12914621
104 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33834) - you deserved it (6132)

On 09/05/2010 at 6:56am - intimacy - by misunderstood - Australia (Victoria)

Today, I found out that the reason why my boyfriend has a chipped tooth is because his teeth hit another girl's teeth while kissing her. FML

#12913788
73 comments

I agree, your life sucks (31184) - you deserved it (3481)

On 09/05/2010 at 4:14am - love - by ohmydog (woman) - United States (Pennsylvania)

Today, I took some friends out to the woods to show them a natural spring. I explained to them that the water bubbles up from under ground, and that it's clean and tasty. I bent down and drank a few hefty handfuls only to look up and see a dead raccoon floating near me. FML

#12911536
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (24470) - you deserved it (23269)

On 09/05/2010 at 1:22am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, while I was working at child care, I told a two year old not to hit. He threw a bucket at me that bounced off my forehead. FML

#12910984
46 comments

I agree, your life sucks (25359) - you deserved it (4618)

On 09/05/2010 at 12:44am - kids - by kaytay2469 (woman) - United States (Florida)

Today, after doing it with my girlfriend, she told me that she was "faking the whole time, and thinking of talking cupcakes." FML

#12910894
124 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29993) - you deserved it (7958)

On 09/05/2010 at 12:40am - intimacy - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Florida)

Today, I was at my boyfriend's house waiting for him to get out of the shower. Bored, I sent my friend a picture of myself pretending to make out with his bear rug. After the photo shoot, I looked in the doorway to find his dad staring at me. FML

#12908327
118 comments

I agree, your life sucks (9622) - you deserved it (33108)

On 09/04/2010 at 10:22pm - misc - by jentea (woman) - Canada (Newfoundland and Labrador)

Today, while I was running in a cross country meet, a bug flew into my right eye. Then, a bug flew into my left eye. Not wanting to lose a neck-and-neck sprint, I tried to run blind. I hit a pole. FML

#12906050
79 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30861) - you deserved it (8606)

On 09/04/2010 at 7:43pm - misc - by ow (man) - United States (North Carolina)

Today, I was on a plane when I suddenly felt the need to use the toilet. I didn't make it in time and I had to spend the remainder of my trip in soiled clothes. FML

#12903191
140 comments

I agree, your life sucks (27201) - you deserved it (15803)

On 09/04/2010 at 3:16pm - misc - by Anonymous (woman) - United States (Oklahoma)

Today, my boyfriend proposed. The ring just had a piece of graphite on it. My boyfriend argued that since graphite and diamonds are both just forms of carbon, it is the same thing. FML

#12899907
334 comments

I agree, your life sucks (34896) - you deserved it (13606)

On 09/04/2010 at 10:08am - misc - by pencilring (woman) - United States

Today, my email got hacked and sent all my contacts something for Viagra. My husband thinks I really sent it to him on purpose and now won't even talk to me. FML

#12899582
86 comments

I agree, your life sucks (29445) - you deserved it (3146)

On 09/04/2010 at 9:24am - misc - by Username - Sent from mobile version

Today, I walked in the door and heard my husband calling me to the bedroom. I got a little excited, took my clothes off, and walked into the bedroom. I forgot our mortgagor was inspecting our house today. FML

#12898898
101 comments

I agree, your life sucks (17290) - you deserved it (32571)

On 09/04/2010 at 7:02am - intimacy - by Lewis - Australia (South Australia)



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