Today, I received a call from child care. Apparently, my four year-old boy tried to start a mosh pit during naptime. FML

by lerouxmaster / 12/22/2010 at 6:43am / Kids

in_side_out's comment : fuck yeah . your sons gonna be a rocker hard out

See all the comments

Today, I got a call about my dog who went missing a week ago. The guy who called said "We have your dog, but you aren't getting her back." Then he hung up. FML

by ks.swan13 / 12/22/2010 at 4:50am / Animals

Today, I overheard my husband telling my step-dad that I have the same ability to sniff out chocolate in a house as a certain animal has to find truffles in the woods. FML

by Anonymous / 12/22/2010 at 3:01am / United States (Oregon) / Love

Today, I found out that if I try to resist a 70 pound bulldog that's humping my leg, I will end up with stitches. FML

by Anonymous / 12/22/2010 at 2:54am / United States / Health

Today, I discovered why my house smells like death. Apparently, because of the rain, a whole load of worms crawled into my garage and died. They're everywhere. FML

by Anonymous / 12/21/2010 at 10:25pm / United States (California) / Miscellaneous

Today, I took my two kids to a Christmas festival with a train theme. I spent $24 on conductor hats for them. When I gave them the hats, they threw them on the ground and put the red paper bags they came in on their heads. FML

by Anonymous / 12/21/2010 at 8:15pm / United States (Texas) / Kids

Today, I was working in a restaurant. On the receipt under "tip" someone actually took the time to write out "$0.00." FML

by ismerf19 / 12/21/2010 at 7:05pm / Money

Today, I went and bought my wife a new cell phone for a Christmas present. She called me five minutes later saying she got a notification e-mail thanking her for her purchase. FML

by Anonymous / 12/21/2010 at 3:51pm / United States (California) / Geek

Today, I got all four of my wisdom teeth taken out. I happen to be allergic to all types of pain medication. FML

by Anonymous / 12/21/2010 at 3:25pm / Canada (Ontario) / Health

Today, I looked deep into my wife's eyes and told her how much I loved her and how much she meant to me. Her reply was "Clean your glasses." FML

by Anonymous / 12/21/2010 at 12:25pm / United Kingdom / Love

Today, my husband said that when we have sex he almost gets as excited as he does when he gets a chopper gunner on Black Ops. FML

by Hannah / 12/21/2010 at 12:01pm / United States (Kansas) / Intimacy

Today, my 14 year-old son sent a broadcast on my blackberry saying ''I'm a young gay man looking for some fun!'' to all my contacts as a joke. What he didn't know was that it's my work phone. FML

by Anonymous / 12/21/2010 at 11:18am / United Kingdom (London) / Intimacy

Today, I walked to school in -5 degree weather, snow up to ankles, for an exam. The school had closed and warned all the parents, but mine didn't tell me, because it was "funnier". FML

by stupid / 12/21/2010 at 10:21am / Ireland (Meath) / Miscellaneous