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  • - Concept: An anecdote always starts with Today and ends with FML. There are no taboo subjects, feel free to express yourself.
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Today, my best friend told me she was pregnant over the phone. While in the middle of telling her congrats, she told me it was with my boyfriend. FML

#4086782
153 comments

I agree, your life sucks (60470) - you deserved it (2779)

On 07/27/2009 at 7:10pm - misc - by thatonekid (woman) - United States (Missouri)

Today, while spray painting a rocking horse for my kids I left the can outside in the sun. When I picked it up it was hot to the touch and I dropped it. It exploded on impact and now I am more blue than the rocking horse. FML

#4083142
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (35916) - you deserved it (19232)

On 07/27/2009 at 4:08pm - animals - by usafprog (man) - United States (Alabama)

Today, I was peeing in a urinal at a bar. A drunk guy comes in, and seeing no urinals open, he decides to pee between my legs from behind me. He didn't have good aim. FML

#4081805
139 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55899) - you deserved it (2357)

On 07/27/2009 at 3:07pm - misc - by webperson04 (man) - United States (Louisiana)

Today, my brother decided it would be funny to squirt disappearing ink on my wedding dress right before I walked down the aisle. It didn't disappear. FML

#4080765
108 comments

I agree, your life sucks (59265) - you deserved it (2479)

On 07/27/2009 at 2:22pm - misc - by randomnamehere (woman) - United States (Kentucky)

Today, I learned that my wife had an affair with another guy. She met him while we were on a trip in another state for marriage counseling. The reason we were in marriage counseling was because she had no desire for sex, and we had gone for two years without it. FML

#4079911
150 comments

I agree, your life sucks (55611) - you deserved it (4174)

On 07/27/2009 at 1:36pm - intimacy - by imatool (man) - United States (Texas)

Today, I thought I would surprise my dad by mowing our entire 2 acre lawn. When he got home, instead of being grateful like I had hoped, he yelled at me for cutting in vertical lines instead of horizontal. FML

#4079687
154 comments

I agree, your life sucks (46370) - you deserved it (3335)

On 07/27/2009 at 1:25pm - misc - by overthehorizon (woman) - United States (Indiana)

Today, I was babysitting some kids and helping them make a poster about insects. They couldn't think of any more insects to add so I suggested a spider, and got told to "not be a dumbass, spiders aren't insects they're arachnids." The girl is six. FML

#4079125
145 comments

I agree, your life sucks (14938) - you deserved it (45861)

On 07/27/2009 at 12:52pm - kids - by Anonymous (woman) - United Kingdom (London)

Today, my father pulled me aside right before heading off to my girlfriend's house. He said "Next time you have sex, don't leave the tied up condom in its wrapper inside your short's pocket, otherwise your mother might find it again as she's folding laundry." FML

#4077228
152 comments

I agree, your life sucks (8139) - you deserved it (53842)

On 07/27/2009 at 10:34am - intimacy - by condom_kid (man) - United States (New Hampshire)

Today, I was in the car with my boyfriend when I said "I wish all the weight I gained just went to my boobs." His reply was, "They'd be HUGE." FML

#4076767
131 comments

I agree, your life sucks (33655) - you deserved it (21924)

On 07/27/2009 at 9:49am - love - by not-that-fat (woman) - United States (Connecticut)

Today, I drove six hours with a friend to see one of her favorite bands in concert. We were turned away at the door because the online site didn't say we had to be 21 to enter. I drove six hours back with nothing to show for it but an empty gas tank and useless tickets. FML

#4074889
75 comments

I agree, your life sucks (36285) - you deserved it (8488)

On 07/27/2009 at 5:38am - misc - by Anonymous (man) - United States (Illinois)

Today, it was a pretty nice day so I decided I would take a walk through the park to get to work instead of driving. Healthier and better for the planet, right? Wrong. Some little bratty kids were bored apparently and decided to hide behind trees and peg me with water balloons. FML

#4074365
89 comments

I agree, your life sucks (30868) - you deserved it (2743)

On 07/27/2009 at 4:35am - misc - by waterballoons (man) - United States (California)

Today, I decided I was going to dump my needy girlfriend. I was about to break the news when she stopped me. She showed me her new tattoo she had gotten. Our names, surrounded by a love heart spread across her back. She reckons I should get a matching one. FML

#4074077
243 comments

I agree, your life sucks (62227) - you deserved it (7448)

On 07/27/2009 at 4:12am - love - by DAMMit (man) - Australia (Victoria)



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