shadowboy94

Today, I was robbed by a guy wearing a ninja turtle costume. FML

Today, I found out my boyfriend can name each and every Pokémon, but can't remember my birthday. FML

Today, my boyfriend broke up with me on my Facebook wall. 27 people liked it. FML

Backfired

Today, as a joke, I hid under my parents' bed, hoping to scare them when they came home. When they finally arrived, they burst through their bedroom door, tearing each other's clothes off. I had to keep my breath in time with my mom's panting and moaning as my dad brutally dominated her. FML

Today, I walked in on my father and brother attempting to harmonize their farts. FML

Today, my dog was scooped up by an owl. FML

Today, I accidentally deep throated a fork. FML

Today, my boyfriend proposed to me by tossing the ring at me and saying "Here, wear this." FML

Today, I came home to find my house destroyed. I was so devastated, I cried. I had spent days hand-crafting the house to perfection, down to the finest detail. On Minecraft. FML

Today, to keep my phone safe while I went on some rides, I took it out of my pocket so I could put it in my bag. Just as I pulled it out, a woman ran into me, knocking my phone to the ground and breaking the screen. FML