Mr Le Chesnay, France 34 years-old Single
Today, my dad planted and "discovered" a pack of cigarettes in my backpack to distract my mom from his gambling problem. FML
Today, I was out eating lunch with my parents when my mom complained that I eat too quickly and don't thoroughly chew my food. My dad exclaimed, "That's because she swallows!" FML
Today, I sent the girl I like a Twinkie with a note saying "Enjoy! You deserve it". I found out later through an angry email that someone had written "you damn fatty" on the end of the note. FML
Today, my daughter came up to me crying. When I asked her what was wrong, she told me that she had a fight with her imaginary boyfriend. She's 16. I raised this child. FML
Today, my mother got remarried. I am now officially older than my step-father. FML
Today, my son stuck coins in our DVD player. It would be cute if he wasn't 25. FML
Today, I was so lonely that I had a 3 hour conversation with a one-legged cricket I found in my room. I'm keeping him. He has a name. FML
Today, I went to Ikea with my family. I was wearing a yellow polo that vaguely looked like the ones the Ikea employees were wearing. Two dozen people came up to me, complaining that I was staring at furniture instead of helping customers. FML
Today, I found out a 6-month pregnant woman is claiming my boyfriend to be the father. Even though this would have been previous to our relationship, he already has two kids from getting girls pregnant in high school. I guess he didn't learn his lesson the first two times. FML
Today, I was eating lunch at McDonald's when an older man sat down at the table next to me and told me I was the most beautiful girl he'd ever seen. I'm a 20 year old man. FML
Today, I found out that a street performer makes more money than I do. I have a full time job at the bank. FML
Today, I spent 6 hours unloading boxes into my new apartment. After unloading the entire truck and making trips up and down two flights of stairs, I heard a knock on the door. Apparently the landlord gave me the key to the WRONG apartment. Mine is downstairs. FML
Today, I woke up to find my new roommate staring straight at me. She then went on to say, "I love how you sleep," and continued to stare. I live in a residence off campus and I've already changed roommates twice this year. I'm stuck with a person who stares at me sleep for the next two years. FML
Today, I received a restraining order from a girl I have never met. FML
Today, someone in my class wrote "Erase me if you can!" at the very top of the board, as I am always tormented about how short I am compared to everyone else. No matter how hard I tried, I couldn't reach it. I'm the teacher. FML
Today, while eating dinner with my family, I found out my boyfriend recorded me screaming while having sex with him on my phone, and set it as my ring tone on high volume. FML
Today, I tripped on a step that said "Watch your step." Two hours later, I hit my head on a sign that said "Mind your head." FML
Today, my girlfriend thought she was stronger than me so we arm wrestled. She won. I used both hands. FML
Today, I ordered a pizza online to be delivered to my apartment. After an hour of waiting, I called the pizza place to ask what the problem was. Apparently, the people at the apartment below me took my already paid for pizza and ate it. FML
Today, I arrived home to find my cat dead and note saying, "Sorry, I tripped over him." Not only is my cat dead, but I was robbed by a polite thief. FML
Today, I just found out that my ex girlfriend is gonna be my step mother. FML
Today, at work, a little boy shyly told his mom he thought I was cute. I smiled at him as she looked me up and down and said to him, "Eww, honey. No, you do not!" FML
Today, my girlfriend of two years broke up with me. She wants to try dating women. This is the second time this has happened to me. FML
Today, I shadowed an ultrasound technician for my future career. She did an ultrasound on me to show me how to do the job. I found out I was pregnant. FML
Today, was my first day at school. I got kicked out of the class for imitating a monkey. I wasn't imitating a monkey... I was laughing. FML
Today, a customer was rude to me, and I was rude back. He then asked for my manager, and I told him I was the store manager. He then identified himself as the corporate owner. FML
Today, I asked my boyfriend to try and man up and act a bit tougher. He started crying. FML
Today, I found out that while I see a therapist for my trust issues, my husband sleeps with our nanny. FML
Today, it was my birthday. The only person that remembered was my creepy stalker. FML
Today, I was being a little playful with my boyfriend when we began wrestling. He then put me in a choking headlock and wouldn't let me out until I "tapped out". FML
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