Today, I was out eating lunch with my parents when my mom complained that I eat too quickly and don't thoroughly chew my food. My dad exclaimed, "That's because she swallows!" FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I overheard my mother talking to her friend, and using me as an example of how it's sometimes best to swallow. FML
Today, my in-laws came for dinner. My 5-year-old son chose that as the perfect time to say, "Good girls always swallow!" when my daughter coughed up some of her food. I have no idea where he heard it, but my mother-in-law blamed me, and my wife had to convince her not to call CPS on me. FML
Today, I was eating lunch with my boyfriend when I started choking. My boyfriend took it as an opportunity to sneak food off my plate. FML
Today, I went out on a date with a cute girl. Everything was going great, until the food arrived. She not only shoveled food into her mouth like it was going to run away, she also smacked, sucked her fingers and laughed out loud with her mouth completely full. It was like dining with a 5-year-old. FML
Today, I was invited to my boyfriend's house for dinner for the first time. His mom made a fantastic dinner, so I showed my appreciation by eating the lot. Apparently I was overdoing it because when I looked up everyone was staring. His dad muttered, "Slow the hell down." FML
Today, I went to Walmart with my mom. At the checkout line I was eating a bag of chips as my mom bought her stuff. I inhaled while eating and I started to choke. The cashier asked me if I was OK. My mom just waved her hand, and said, "Sometimes she does that for attention, ignore her." FML
Today, I was having lunch with my sister and my mother. While my mom was busy ordering food, my sister said to me, "Look at this!" then contorted her face so that she had a double chin. My mother looked over and said to her, "Stop making fun of your sister!" FML
Today, my mother called me a "wasteful child" because I threw up my lunch. FML
Today, while in the break room at work, I laughed at a co-worker's joke and started choking on my drink. My boss exclaimed in front of everyone, "We need to teach this girl how to swallow!" to everyone's childish amusement. Now they won't stop calling me Spit. FML
Today, my mom asked me if I had an eating problem because I've been eating less. I only started eating less because she told me I ate too much. FML
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Top comments
XsianinvasionX 0
I love ur dad I wish mine was that cool
beguile 0
lol. that sucks.
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Comments (111)
beguile 0
lol. that sucks.
ladies_man217 0
wait, we talking about dicks or food?
trueblue42 4
BURN!!!!!
hashoahxxx 0
major burn
pooper19 3
YDI for blowing your dad you freak
KiddNYC1O 22
LOL 28. Seems like op is mad her dad put their incestuous relationship to light lol
seanders 10
At least incest is something the whole family can do!;)
jewban 3
haha 47 that's nasty
i_like_pie_mofo 0
dude it was a joke DEAL
mycookiezz 0
honestly, thats like the coolest dad ever
GavinRoskamp 0
YES. I WANT YOUR DAD RIGHT NOW SO I CAN FIST PUMP HIM!!!!!
KiwiLime 0
it does indeed suck. your father made a sexual comment about you? damn, your life is ******!
lemoncows 2
burn...like a poptart
LisaBanana 0
your dad has jokes LOL
corporatescoundr 25
fyl shawty... n stop givin pop pop that late night gift ;)
River_Hill_Kid 0
this is probably the same dad who took her best friend's virginity in the fml above this one!
TehGirreth 0
100, I found this FML on "random" and am thoroughly interested in the one you referenced. =v+
lydever91 0
LMAO!!!
megamandude455 10
^my acronym exactly XD
phreshboi 1
if you say it fast it sound like I Love Mayo!
seanders 10
At least incest is something the whole family can do!:)
CountryGirl111 7
i never noticed that before! guess because u never saud it fast :p
XsianinvasionX 0
I love ur dad I wish mine was that cool
pooper19 3
now u want to blow her dad also?
MissErikaHart 0
no she wants to blow her own dad
pooper19 3
incest is a fathers best friend
hawtdawggy 0
her dad could be cool too, maybe she just spits
KrazieKleo 13
hahahha, owned!!:p. I wonder how he knows?
hiphop_danca94 2
uhhh he is a guy, he was young too ya kno
boomsl4ng 11
hm maybe her mom swallows too and they like the same things?? =]
PWNjaban 0
THAT'S WHAT HE SAID!
MnBran6 0
Thanks to you're comment, I'll never walk again.
MnBran6 0
Thanks to you're comment, I'll never walk again.
Hummbinger 5
#52, your*
EmilyCecile 0
thats kinda the point that makes it funny...
Bblock 5
u got played!
tylyr 0
lol I've gotten laid so many timeso
dickster 0
And yet I doubt that.
seymourlilly17 0
You do don't you... -.-
pooper19 3
what If she does nothing wrong with a little extra protein
EZE210 0
Do u ?????
iloveyou2129 6
112- do you???
cradle6 13
Ouch, I'm sorry. pretty hilarious though
TheNinjaBuffalo 0
my sentiments exactlyy
candygirl98 0
not as funny as your pic:P are you sunburned in it or something?
zimandme123 0
aw that's mean...:P
trolltastic 0
epic......just epic
meintx 9
so was your dad being funny or does he know something else? lol
joqez 0
just what I thought, how the hell does your dad know :-S
pooper19 3
b/c she blows him
AReginaldi 0
pooper plays catch with his dad
Southern_Grown 0
ya, ummm....that's a little personal to be joking around about with family. don't get me wrong, I know my dad jokes a lot, about a lot of things, but he never would take it that far....