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Thank you all for the support! I would've never thought that this would get published. I first wanted to point out that we were on vacation out of state, very expensive vacation with a very expensive meal. Although that doesn't excuse his remarks/actions, I can see why he was in a bad mood. We had a pretty tense "vacation", there were a lot of people everywhere, foreigners that couldn't speak English, and a lot of things that my parents aren't open minded towards. I constantly have to remind my parents that "there is nothing you can do about it so don't worry about it". The comments you guys left were hilarious and I'm thankful for the ideas you gave - even if it wasn't the most serious.

Keep going!

By Taraa3 - 10/10/2009 10:19 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend came to wake me up with some flowers and breakfast in bed. We started getting intimate, after a short while, there was a knock. We looked out of the window and there was the window cleaner with his thumbs up and grinning. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 387

You deserved it 5 086

Slipping up

By Anonymous - 18/10/2010 23:28 - United States

Today, I slipped and sprained my ankle while shopping for a present for my husband, who later came home and tripped over my elevated leg, hurting my ankle again. Now I have an excruciating sprain, and a spouse who's furious at me because, I "shouldn't have tried to surprise him." FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 387

You deserved it 2 866

Timber!

By fucking SUCKS let's do it LIIIIIIIVEEEEEEEEE! - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my girlfriend jumped into my arms for a kiss. She's done it before, but this time I wasn't expecting it. I fell backwards, straight through my glass coffee table. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 386

You deserved it 2 140

The more you know

By facepalm - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my brother called me a clueless idiot after I told him that odometers measure distance traveled, not a person's body odor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 383

You deserved it 1 914

By mammamia - 27/04/2009 12:54 - United States

Today, in a big argument, my sister uninvited my mom to her wedding. Trying to comfort my mom, I rented Mamma Mia knowing she's wanted to see it for a while. Turns out, Mamma Mia is a mother/daughter feel-good about the daughters wedding. I had no idea, and my mom cried the whole movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 381

You deserved it 71 477

That worked out rather well

By Anonymous - 27/07/2016 10:36 - Ukraine - Poltava

Today, I confessed to my boyfriend that I have no sex drive, but faked it to avoid hurting his feelings. It was after he confessed he is not attracted to women, but forced himself to have sex with me because he didn't want to admit he is gay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 381

You deserved it 3 692

By Anonymous - 27/09/2015 12:21 - Australia

Today, I got detention from my teacher for not handing an assignment in. It would be understandable if I hadn't handed it in a week before it was due. She won't listen to reason. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 379

You deserved it 1 858

History

By catfish - 23/02/2009 22:11 - United States

Today, after class I was chatting with my teacher, a really cool and stylish old black guy. I tell him he reminds me of one of those soul dudes from those '70s movies, right down to the pimp-walk. He tells me he walks that way because he was beaten for drinking out of the wrong fountain as a kid. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 379

You deserved it 52 190

By 12yearsoldapparently - 06/07/2015 23:02 - United States - Charleston

Today, I was finally going to break down my social barrier by going out on a date with a nice guy I recently met on a dating site. Just at the start of the date, he asked me how old I was, and out of pure nervousness, I blurted out, "12!" I'm 24. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 378

You deserved it 6 118

By alyssaamarante - 13/06/2015 02:41 - United States - East Northport

Today, I decided to go thrifting to save some money. Ironically, I ended up having to pay for an emergency trip to the hospital because somebody was too lazy to wash the cat hair off their clothes. I'm severely allergic to cats. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 378

You deserved it 8 984

By bbns - 14/01/2009 11:57 - Germany

Today, I organized a party, invited a girl I've been secretly in love with for years, as well as a friend of mine who brought along an unknown mate of his. The party was fine, although the unknown mate threw up all over the floor. Now, the girl is dating that unknown mate and is in love with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 376

You deserved it 2 806

By LadyLou - 03/11/2015 11:42 - Australia

Today, at work, a customer told me that my teeth would make a very pretty necklace. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 375

You deserved it 1 989

Not a science major

By dumb mother - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my mother yelled at me for standing too close to the microwave. Her reason? The radiation was going to seep through, kill my sperm, and cause cancer. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 374

You deserved it 5 162

By strandedguest - 30/09/2010 06:51 - United States

Today, while my friend and I signed the guest-book at a wedding, the drunk guy at our table stole my friend's painkillers and car keys before getting into a cab. Didn't need the painkillers, definitely needed the keys. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 374

You deserved it 2 889

By anonymous - 27/11/2009 09:20 - United States

Today, I was opening up to my close friend about my low self esteem. To make me feel better, he told me that he gets a boner whenever he walks behind me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 373

You deserved it 7 623

By B - 18/12/2009 16:19 - United States

Today, I got a Christmas present from my boss. It was an ab workout video. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 372

You deserved it 4 662

By Anonymous - 14/10/2009 13:39 - United States

Today, I was participating in an exercise in my psychology class to describe this horrible looking person I had never seen before and I described the person as a "rebellious, drug dealing, lowlife". The person in that picture turned out to be my teacher. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 372

You deserved it 9 695

Jamaica? I hardly know her

By Anonymous - 07/10/2015 10:58 - United States - Poughkeepsie

Today, my mom and I went to catch our flight to Jamaica. She ended up being detained and questioned, because she packed hairspray, shampoo, drinks, basically half the shit you're not allowed to have in your luggage. We missed our flight. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 371

You deserved it 2 473

What's worse?

By Nadaz - 05/04/2012 11:29 - United States - Charlotte

Today, while talking to my girlfriend, the subject of Darth Vader came up. That's when she asked me, "Aren't Darth Vader and Luke Skywalker the same person?" I don't know what's worse, the fact that she asked me that, or the fact that I got upset over her lack of Star Wars knowledge. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 367

You deserved it 13 665

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Today, I told my husband of 26 years that I was lonely. He asked what he could do to help. I said, "Just talk to me". Without a word, he went to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 068

You deserved it 872

Today, a woman accused me of bullying her son, and said that she is going to get me fired. Her son is a 27-year-old teacher at my school, whom I disciplined for showing up drunk. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 392

You deserved it 2 664

Today, my girlfriend of 2 years texted me saying "I can't wait to f*ck later." I replied saying, "Couldn't we just spend time together?" Her response was, "What are you, a girl?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 22 652

You deserved it 52 752

Today, I was hit by a car speeding through an intersection after the light had already turned red. Still partly blacked out, I crawled onto the sidewalk and I sat down. The woman rolled down her car window and yelled, "Watch where you're going!" as she drove by. FML

I agree, your life sucks 42 911

You deserved it 2 562

Today I woke up, had sex with my husband, made breakfast with my kids, had coffee with my mum and sister, and took a call from my boss reminding me I'd agreed to come in today for a few hours for an important meeting. I got suspended without pay. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 525

You deserved it 1 252

Today, I analysed my first mock test for an exam I have to take in 5 months. I got 31/150. FML

I agree, your life sucks 868

You deserved it 376