Today, while my friend and I signed the guest-book at a wedding, the drunk guy at our table stole my friend's painkillers and car keys before getting into a cab. Didn't need the painkillers, definitely needed the keys. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was over at a friend's place until very late. He had stolen my keys as a joke at some point, but by the time I noticed, he was too drunk to remember where he'd hidden them. FML
Today, I tried to keep a drunk girl from driving by holding her keys, but she had a spare set in her purse. She hit me with her car when I was walking home. FML
Today, I finally got to come home after hours spent in a locked down ER after a car accident. My injuries were non life-threatening, but pretty damn painful. I asked my sister to pick up my pain meds from the pharmacy for me. She got drunk and "lost them", AKA gave them to her dirtbag boyfriend. FML
Today, I came home from an amazing cruise to find that my house broken into. My best friend apparently decided to invite her drug-addicted friends into my home while I was away, where they stole 172$ and my migraine pills, which are non-refillable. I now have a migraine. FML
Today, my best friend broke up with her partner. In retaliation, he got drunk and stole my car, then crashed it into a neighbour's house. Then after dealing with the police who didn't arrest him, he and my best friend made up and went to bed. FML
Today, I was walking to my car from my workplace. When I was about 20 feet from my car, a guy who was clearly on drugs yelled at me and stole my keys and car. Right before leaving the parking lot, he hit a stop sign and then yelled that my car was broken and ran off. FML
Today, after a night of heavy drinking, I woke up handcuffed to my bed. My friends who are responsible for this think it's hilarious and claimed not to remember where they put the keys. They took pictures, then left. FML
Today, my friend and his girlfriend got in a fight while drunk and he started walking home. While driving around looking for him, I accidentally hit him with my car. FML
Today, I woke up after a night of drinking to find that while I was passed out someone stole my prosthetic leg. FML
Today, my dad got extremely drunk, so I took away his car keys and left on foot. When I came back, I saw that he had broken down my door. Now my dad is mad at me for not giving him the keys when he was drunk, and I'm door-less. FML
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Top comments
QueenPersephone 9
The logic of this drunk guy bothers me. Why steal someones keys and then take a cab home?
FYLDeep 26
That's why you keep your keys in your pocket.
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Comments (70)
nycy 0
first lol bring it on haters I've been waiting to say this forever
urmom328 0
lol that sucks
nycy 0
I love cheese.
madarchod 0
ok
nycy 0
no the mods are changing peoples comments I didn't say anything like that
MissErikaHart 0
ur stuff didn't get stolen so y the fml?
cantfightfate 0
don't be ashamed 32, I love cheese too. :)
Pearljammer001 0
in communist china, your keys steal hobos!
Girreth 7
I replied to the first comment to be at the top! OP, you're gonna be needing those painkillers soon.
pinkpillowz 0
2 your picture made me LOL
FFML_314 12
Didn't need the painkillers? Tell your friend to call me next time (s)he has some.
cantfightfate 0
haha win!!
_TONGAN_ 5
why are you like Emo or something?
Girreth 7
Lol, TONGAN. I must salute you for being utterly clueless. ...sieghail.
bluecat_fml 0
popping pills out of misery while signing a wedding book
Zosiaaa 0
attention *****
cars819 0
take the painkillers to kill ur pain about losing the keys :)
FFML_314 12
They stole the painkillers.
Lucidium 0
Understanding fail.
Schizomaniac 24
Use the keys to drive the car to find the painkillers.
titanic12beth 0
hahaha (:
nycy 0
wow it's like 4 where I'm at if your in the states it's late or early either way all of you should be asleep :)
cars819 0
um dude. there are different time zones you know... I'm in Singapore and it's 6 pm. get your facts straight
nycy 0
it's funny I didn't know Singapore was on the United States but hey
nycy 0
in*
FFML_314 12
FACEPALM for both of you.
nycy 0
aww I don't want a face palm take it back! >.<
FFML_314 12
It's to late for that. You both fail. It's OK. We all fail sometimes.
FFML_314 12
Especially me! I failed the other day when I married the first guy that told me I had a nice ass.
redbluegreen 41
Anna, what are you talking about? I've never failed! Not once in my life! How dare you suggest such a thing?
FFML_314 12
Care to explain what's in your closet, Lani?
cars819 0
..... wow okay. Singapore is around 18 hours away from the USA. it's in Asia. geography fail.
nycy 0
Are you really that retarded? I mean come on not only do you not know what sarcasm is but if you read my first comment I said if you're in THE STATES as in THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA moron. Unless you are saying you failed in which case I apologize for the meaness.
Ohnocurly 0
I agree with Pen. It's not a fail the first time. I think I failed when I married the second guy who told me that. but in my defense I thought he was different because he smacked it when he said those... beautiful words to me *tear*... so beautiful.
redbluegreen 41
Are you talking about little ol' Narnia, Anna? It's always been there, silly goose. I don't believe in failure, but rather treating everything as a learning experience. Something didn't go as planned? Your joke fell on deaf ears? You've run out of rabbit food once again? Unless you're facing the guillotine, there's no excuse to see it any other way. You're only as brilliant and successful as you allow yourself to be.
karimkz 0
u mean YOUR painkiller? blaming a friend...
BrendanR 0
Look at my picture, I look like a cheese-grater!
BananaSticker 0
Pfffffft! I so would. ;]
marinus_fml 20
11, how fuking boastful are you? anyone can have abs by simply reducing bodyfat. no pumping iron required. clearly u don't pump iron, look at your scrawny arms. and no I'm most definitely not jealous, you are just a boastful prick. period.
_TONGAN_ 5
#11 u also look like a pedophile rapist with that look on your face...
RedPillSucks 33
@11 is the term you're looking for "washboard"? I'm not sure cheese grater abs would be especially flattering.
FYLDeep 26
That's why you keep your keys in your pocket.
denaysanders 0
lol
niccole_x3 0
#9: i agreeeee !
Pooper_T_fml 0
I'll get those keys back for you.