Not a science major
Today, my mother yelled at me for standing too close to the microwave. Her reason? The radiation was going to seep through, kill my sperm, and cause cancer. FML
Today, my mother yelled at me for standing too close to the microwave. Her reason? The radiation was going to seep through, kill my sperm, and cause cancer. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my dad screamed at me, called me a monster, told me he wanted me to move out, and that I better start looking for an apartment. Why? I slammed the microwave door. FML
Today, my dad got so drunk that he had an intense argument with the microwave, resulting in him threatening to ground me after I tried to calm him down. FML
Today, my mom had a tantrum and screamed at me over my use of bronzer. She called me a selfish bitch and claimed that I'm somehow slowly giving myself skin cancer. FML
Today, my mother told me I'm going to get lung cancer. Because she smokes. FML
Today, I had to explain very slowly to my mum why she cannot put metal cutlery in the microwave. She did it anyway. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. My dad was having a bad day and was rude from the outset, but things went to total hell when he started screaming that he'd "kill" our microwave if it didn't "shut the hell up". My girlfriend now thinks we're a family of abusive psychos. FML
Today, my mum had no legitimate reason to have her daily yell at me, so she resorted to bitching me out for putting her phone on charge after it started beeping with a low battery warning. FML
Today, my mother threw an egg at my face with force because I returned home 5 minutes late to dinner. FML
Today, my daughter asked me for permission to go to her boyfriend’s studio apartment without any supervision to “watch a soccer game and eat pizza.” I said no because she thinks I was born yesterday. She proceeded to throw a tantrum and told me that she hopes my breast cancer kills me. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend to stop her preschooler from playing in the kitchen when I'm cooking dinner. She bitched about how I'm "controlling and micromanaging". As she did so, he put his hands on the hot oven and screamed in pain. She then shrieked that it was my fault he hurt himself. FML
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Top comments
alaskababy907 11
Hey, I heard that if you stand too close to the microwave you can get cancer from the radiation in those things. You should probably stay away from them...
thatgirlinoregon 21
I wonder how much 'kimotherapy' costs? Less than chemotherapy, perhaps?
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Comments (104)
SettoFail 9
HAHA
trollfaced 2
She probably got it from that one south park episode, your mom is so gullible.
A100893 30
Through her reasoning, it seems the radiation has already killed half of her brain cells.
GovernorGeneral 8
Baha my mother once (ok more than once) yelled at me for looking at the microwave straight on xD
thatgirlinoregon 21
You would have to spend an absolutely ludicrous amount of time in front of the microwave before you run the risk of nuking your 'nads. Scientifically speaking, of course.
afunnyterdcody 5
I do it so my girlfriend doesnt get prego
Wederoney 16
Someone wants to have grandchildren ;-).
VorpikeII 17
Aren't the older microwaves dangerous because of radiation? And where do you think southpark got it from?
Hunthas 17
Micro radiation actually does both those things... Standing beside it probably won't do it but sleeping on microwaves that are turned on for a few months probably wi
amyjadee 0
Sounds Legit.
baconftw 9
1- If I had a dollar...
yearcity 0
a lol of the radiation does get out nut much though and don't open door before bell is up
TraeThaTruth07 7
You just said a lot gets out... Not much though. That statement contradicts itself??
kikikat88 0
My mom still tells me that, but she's not worried about grand kids just kimo bills
thatgirlinoregon 21
I wonder how much 'kimotherapy' costs? Less than chemotherapy, perhaps?
xgetxbentx 13
Apparently she isn't worried about you being educated either... It's CHEMO not kimo lmfao
Arashi_Nightmare 8
Oh, please. It could be a personal spelling preference. Some people do have a preference to how they uniquely spell words with certain letterings/pronunciations while knowing that it isn't the conventional spelling... Look at 2's name, for instance :I
1happymummy 14
Chemo.
tweetbaby14 18
52, maybe they just didn't know how to spell chemo, and you didn't need to try and tell a story about "spelling preferences" because you can't justify stupidity? Just maybe though.
ohSNAPyall 27
Calm down, y'all. Kikikat had probably never seen it written. Maybe she had misunderstood "chemo" for a medical term or a term from another language and spelled it as it sounded because she didn't know it was an abbreviated form of "chemical."
kitkatknicknack 12
52, your comment put me to sleep
herpderpjones 0
You know, some people might take serious offense to that comment...
tanneriscool 2
You know, your comment was pointless?
alaskababy907 11
Hey, I heard that if you stand too close to the microwave you can get cancer from the radiation in those things. You should probably stay away from them...
imustbeinsane 2
Ladies! For that morning after unprotected sex with a douche, just stand by a microwave to destroy all his little good-for-nothing sperm. Cheaper than Plan-B
ihasbrains 10
Microwaves do use radiation, I think, to heat your food. It's just a type that is not really harmful to you. I don't think you would even have a chance to get cancer unless you stood right next to it while it was microwaving for like twenty years straight.
Jkolbly 11
The radiation from microwaves is harmful, but the lead mesh keeps it in the microwave, so no damage can be done if the microwave is intact.
cosmosis 12
Microwaves are bloody dangerous you hear! The radiation will cause your brain to melt out of your ears!!! But seriously though as the young bloke above me said if the microwave is intact and good working order there is a reduced risk in radiation from the microwave triggering cancer.
garethsmart 0
All radiations are bad! It just depends on the quantity or type!
weveevee 3
Actualy microwaves use microwaves which are on the opposite side of the light spectrum then radiation like gamma rays. It's by the type we use in heat lamps.
Gringe 1
Lol microwaves use microwaves... Thanks 68 good to know. Anyway microwaves have the perfect combination of the low penetration of alpha particles combined with the low intensity of gamma. However, all radiation is bad for you, but the plastic covering on your microwave is enough to stop most of the waves. Ur better off next to ur microwave than in the sun.
Pretty_Pink_Lady 10
32- Yeah that makes sense and all; the lead mesh keeps radiation inside the microwave. Wait a second! What else is in the microwave? Oh yes, your food. The same food that has been exposed to the radiation is now being consumed by you. Maybe we should start rethinking hot pockets.
kristienna 3
Microwave radiation is dangerous, and small amounts do seep out of the microwave. It's impossible to keep it all in. My bf is a physicist and won't even own a microwave for this reason, after studying this stuff and knowing how they work.
detroitsucks247 3
X-rays are radiation, Microwaves are Microwaves not radiation they may not be the best thing for you but they wont cause cancer. microwaves are next on the scale after radiowaves (short radiowaves) and then iltraviolet light after microwaves so they are not deadly.
IdontWanna69 8
Unless you manage to shove your balls into the microwave while it's on, then you should be fine.
MissPuppettear 0
True dat
Thunderstruck14 30
Yes, microwaves to use radiation. Its called electromagnetic radiation and its the same kind of energy that visible light is. Its just a different frequency. The frequency of the radiation a microwave uses is the frequency that resonates with water, which is in all the food you put in it. The electromagnetic radiation in the microwave causes the water molecules to vibrate, therefore heating up your food. Which is why some spots in the microwave don't heat up your food (the nodes in the wave pattern don't move the water particles). The radiation is only INSIDE the microwave. Things outside the microwave don't heat up as well. You're perfectly safe. My dad believes they'll give you cancer too. But honestly, the electromagnetic radiation you should be afraid of is the kind that comes from the sun. THAT can give you cancer, so wear sunscreen and don't worry about your microwave. It won't hurt you. However, I stand away from it anyway because I dislike the smell it gives off.
TheSacredRatty 18
The microwaves are too big to escape from it. You know that perforated screen inside the microwave? That keeps the radiation from getting out.
syki 22
No, no, she's got it all backwards. It'll kill your *cancer* and give you *sperm.* Moneyshot!
boofgall 16
What?
hemz_fml 13
At least now you know she cares that much for you :)
baybeegirrrl95 5
Where the hell did she hear that?
Thelnternet 7
Experience.
NippsSlipps 10
South Park, for sure
yahoowizard 16
Or The Office
wironandine 8
It's fact
wisese 0
When microwaves first came out (which op's mom would remember), they did give off a lot of radiation and everyone was told not to stand in front of them while they were cooking. More modern microwaves are safer and give off less radiation. However, your body continues to accumulate radiation when exposed to it, so you should still be cautious. OP's family could own an older microwave, in which case his mom is absolutely right to be cautious. Up until last year, my family used a microwave from 1984. I guarantee it wasn't particularly safe.
iamyourgod 3
93 - no your body can not accumulate microwave radiation, unless your so fat you cause a singularity. It's low energy light, the light bulb in the microwave actually gives off more energetic radiation. All microwaves can do is induce currents in conductors and cause polar molecules to rotate. Your body falls into latter category as you are mostly water, so all a microwave can do is heat you up. It can NOT ionize your atoms, it can't mutate your DNA an it can't accumulate and poison you. Other radiation such as high energy light (UV, X-ray, gamma) or alpha or beta particles can ionize your atoms and cause mutations such as cancer. When you accumulate radiation it is because you accumulate radioactive elements that emit these radiations when they decay. This is the danger of nuclear waste, not bouncing gamma radiation from the initial reaction lasting for long periods of time. Your microwave emits none of these unless you go and try to microwave uranium 235 or something stupid like that.
wisese 0
I never said your body accumulates radiation from the microwave; simply that it does accumulate radiation. My point being that people have to be cautious of how much radiation they are exposed to; every x-ray at the doctor, every pass through the airport body scanners, everything in our lives that we don't think about adds up. For most people, it's still harmless, but it's still important to BE AWARE.
deathfyre8 13
A typical human can stand about 5000 units of radiation before you turn into a glowing puddle.
possiblyapotato 10
when u see 2 smart ppl arguing with scientific terms ....
kooochris1995 14
That's what happened to me /:
rciccone 0
sperm or cancer?
xaer0babiix0 0
What? You turned into a car? Damn, I'm gonna stick my little brother in front of the microwave next time...
LookOnBrightSide 12
My father always ends up telling me that, though it could just be his paranoia. OP, I would just listen to your mother. It doesn't hurt to stand a few feet away from the microwave.
Thunderstruck14 30
My dad tells me that too. He also says cell phones will give you cancer. That you'll get brain cancer from holding it up to your ear to talk. I don't believe any of it. I know how microwaves and cellphones work. You can learn too on youtube, there's plenty of educational sites.
BeaterOfTheDrums 15
Only if you can successfully close your balls in the microwave. But then you can smoke all the pot you want. Anywhere.
SettoFail 9
South park, ?
datguyuno 5
Start bouncing around town on ur balls smoking pot with ur friends LOL
tracker7 5
But we don't want all the KFCs to go away
j_cat187 20
Haha medicinal KFC!!
stevenJB 25
Oh the parents of our generation are to blame for our stupidity I guess?...?
khaya 9
Radiation is awesome, stand there long enough and you will be able to fly.
Comet_Candy 23
You will also be able to glow in the dark.