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The all-time greatest FMLs

Regressive

By Anonymous - 19/11/2012 05:19 - United States - Murfreesboro

Today, at the age of 29, I now have a relationship on par with a teenager's. Several weeks ago, my fiancé and I lost our home, and are now back living with our respective families. We now have no privacy. I actually just got dropped off at home, before 10, after having sex in a hay field. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 168

You deserved it 5 081

By The Rock's arse - 04/07/2014 20:29 - United Kingdom - Milton Keynes

Today, I hit rock bottom; I watched one of those shitty infomercial channels, without even being forced into it at gunpoint. Even worse is that I practically creamed myself over a damn fruit juicer, all because it was 50% off and I could actually afford it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 168

You deserved it 7 443

By myselfami - 31/03/2011 11:31 - United States

Today, someone wearing dark grey clothes thought it would be a good idea to run in front of my car in the pouring rain. I slammed on my brakes and managed to stop before I'd have turned him into a blood sprinkler. Unfortunately, the person behind me didn't. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 167

You deserved it 2 876

myselfami tells us more.

myselfami 1

Monday 11 April 2011 14:15

Okay, I was pretty unclear about specifics on this FML. The runner was barely tapped by the front bumper of my car. He fell, got back up, and limped off somewhere. The guy that was behind me doesn't have insurance. I have five stitches in my forehead from bashing it against the steering wheel. Kind of wish I wouldn't have stopped, honestly.

By stitchesgirl12 - 07/04/2015 16:03 - Canada - Saint Catharines

Today, I ripped my stitches while taking a shit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 166

You deserved it 3 546

stitchesgirl12 tells us more.

stitchesgirl12 10

Wednesday 8 April 2015 18:40

OP here! No, my stitches weren't anywhere near my butt, I have a bunch on my arm. And, well.. the doctor sewed me up really tight, and I legitimately ripped them while pushing. Lmao. Not my finest moment, but definitely FML worthy. The doctors in the Niagara Region were half asleep over the Easter weekend, my sewed up wound actually looks like a ******.

By ashamed - 14/12/2014 02:02 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, my dad and grandpa came to a charity event that I helped set up for people who have autism. I appreciated their support, until I heard my dad say "Man, some of these 'tards are pretty hot." and my grandpa replying "Yeah. Probably like dead fish in bed, though." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 166

You deserved it 3 260

By gedderdunn - 24/05/2010 06:13 - Reserved

Today, I went on a first date, where my date managed to fall in a creek, take me to his house and measure my height, show me family pictures, and perform the Soulja Boy dance in his living room. All while wearing swim trunks because his pants were drying and he didn't have extras. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 166

You deserved it 7 774

By Confused - 23/03/2012 15:34 - United Kingdom - London

Today, I was yelled at for smoking at a bus stop, because a woman didn't appreciate me smoking by her children. She did this while waving her own lit cigarette in my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 164

You deserved it 5 431

By sadcartoons - 12/02/2011 18:57 - Canada

Today, my son and I attended my mother's funeral. It was the first time he'd been to such an event, so to ease his grief and distract him, I turned on Max and Ruby when we got home. He quickly broke into tears; apparently, it was the episode where Max and Ruby prepare their grandma a special birthday gift. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 164

You deserved it 5 074

You tried, yay!

By Anonymous - 25/03/2013 06:03 - Australia - Wantirna

Today, I was late to a lecture when I tripped up the stairs. With a few hundred people already staring and laughing at me, I started to curtsy to my "adoring fans" but instead fell backwards down the massive flight of stairs. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 163

You deserved it 12 707

By espylone - 17/12/2011 15:42 - France

Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 161

You deserved it 6 500

Send help

By Virginy - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - France

Today, I got stuck in my building's elevator. I pushed the emergency button, which made a ringing noise. After about half an hour, I heard someone yell, "Stop pushing that button, my kids are sleeping." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 161

You deserved it 2 663

By Anonymous - 10/02/2011 23:32 - United States

Today, I was on the bus heading home from school, when I noticed a ridiculously hot girl near me, checking me out. I was about to say something charmingly funny when I suddenly got a whiff of onions. Turns out she had turned around simply to catch the essence of her own fart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 160

You deserved it 4 805

By halloweenless - 01/11/2010 13:14 - United States

Today, I spent over $160 and 2 hours preparing for a Halloween party I was throwing. The only person who showed up was my sister, who helped me decorate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 159

You deserved it 4 333

By HoratioNo - 14/08/2013 06:41 - United States - Stockton

Today, I found out that my dad writes really weird and scary slash fiction involving characters from all of the CSI TV show franchises. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 158

You deserved it 3 948

By man2 - 23/09/2010 11:18 - Ireland

Today, my girlfriend broke up with me because I was unsuccessful at a job interview, and she didn't want to be with someone who "has no future". She's unemployed too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 156

You deserved it 4 058

Asshats

By lprocter1982 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - Canada

Today, I got shot at. Not by police, but by a hunter. While at work. Driving a garbage truck. How the hell a hunter mistook an orange-clad garbageman in a truck for a deer is beyond me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 156

You deserved it 3 026

Freudian

By giantblueballsthesizeofjohnnysinscock - 19/12/2014 23:14 - United States - Colorado Springs

Today, after six long, hard years of involuntary celibacy, I was finally about to get laid. Except it was just a dream, and in it my mom stormed in just as things got heated, called me a useless cunt, and told me to go do my chores. I guess my brain forgot I moved out years ago. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 155

You deserved it 4 665

By Anonymous - 30/11/2009 02:39 - United States

Today, my mom sat on a pencil and started bleeding. She then made me clean the wound on her butt and put ointment on it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 155

You deserved it 4 932

Hold me close

By chachi - 28/09/2009 18:25 - United States

Today, I awoke in bed with my boyfriend and his dog. After some pushing and prodding, I thought my boyfriend was trying to move the dog out of the way to cuddle with me. It turns out, he was moving the dog closer to him. My boyfriend would rather spoon with his dog than me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 155

You deserved it 6 768

You OK, hun?

By Username - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I had diarrhea at work. While trying to be subtle about the noises, the woman in the stall next to me called me by name and asked if I was having trouble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 152

You deserved it 3 194

Interrogation

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, my boyfriend met my dad for the first time. The first thing my dad said to him was "So, how low have you kissed?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 149

You deserved it 4 069

Did I mention…?

By ksztte - 27/02/2010 13:17 - United States

Today, the soon-to-be father of my baby told me he thinks I'm an extremely selfish person, and that I don't love him. His reasoning? I haven't given him a back rub in two weeks, sleep too much, and have a hormonal problem. Once again: I AM PREGNANT! FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 143

You deserved it 5 885

By SeeingLlamas - 17/04/2012 09:38 - United States - Knoxville

Today, I have been awake so long I hallucinated a llama in my living room. I have a medical condition that keeps me from sleeping properly. I've run out of medication. I still see the llama. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 142

You deserved it 3 096

Merry Christmas, I guess…

By anon - This FML is from back in 2014 but it's good stuff - United States - Irwin

Today, a very drunk woman at the family Christmas party told me she felt terrible that I didn't have a mother who cared about me. She's my mother. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 142

You deserved it 2 586

By AsianSensation - 15/12/2014 03:30 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my new friend tried to introduce me to "American Culture," as I am new to the city. He explained what a hamburger is and how it differs from the Asian food I was used to eating. I moved from Seattle and have worked at Burger King. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 141

You deserved it 2 959

By uuuuugh - 21/01/2010 10:47 - United States

Today, I actually had to have a discussion with my boyfriend about why he should shower more than once a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 140

You deserved it 7 596

Almost made it

By strugglingartist - 26/01/2013 06:14 - Australia - Brisbane

Today, I came home to find two letters from a publishing house that I'd submitted my manuscript to. The first was congratulatory, stating that my book had been accepted for publishing. The second was apologetic, stating that the first letter had been intended for someone else. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 140

You deserved it 2 377

Get it now?

By poopooppachuu - 11/10/2011 07:32 - United States

Today, in the middle of explaining over the phone to my crush how I felt about him, I got a text from his best friend, who was apparently with him at the time. It said, "He doesn't like you, get over it. Stop rambling." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 138

You deserved it 6 135

By drew_ar85 - 20/03/2010 16:30 - United States

Today, my girlfriend said, "People think I don't have talent, but I do. I'm really good with my mouth. Just ask anyone." FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 137

You deserved it 6 705

By Sisterly Love - 02/01/2015 05:37 - United States - Saline

Today, my sister compared me handling the news of recently being told that I have a devastating and very possibly fatal autoimmune disease, to that of a teenager being melodramatic. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 136

You deserved it 2 844

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The Top

Today, my husband of 3 weeks told me he doesn't want to be married anymore because I suggested getting a joint bank account. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 851

You deserved it 4 455

Today, I found myself wondering if my sister's jaw makes the same clicking sound when she's giving head as it does when she's eating food. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 182

You deserved it 8 924

Today, I brought my own thermos of coffee on the train with me, the kind that flips open to uncover the mouth part. I took a few swigs and notices a cute boy nervously smiling at me. Suddenly, I felt something drip down my nose. The flip part was leaving drops of coffee all over my forehead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 816

You deserved it 6 304

Today, I discovered that my name literally means "burden". This wouldn't be so bad if both my mother and father knew this when they named me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 30 163

You deserved it 3 062

Today, in a big argument, my sister uninvited my mom to her wedding. Trying to comfort my mom, I rented Mamma Mia knowing she's wanted to see it for a while. Turns out, Mamma Mia is a mother/daughter feel-good about the daughters wedding. I had no idea, and my mom cried the whole movie. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 381

You deserved it 71 477

Today, I was stuck in the drive-thru line from hell. The guy in front of me started freaking out and demanded that I back out so he could pull out. I tried to tell him there were cars behind me, but that didn’t stop him from getting out of his car and kicking out my headlights. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 194

You deserved it 102