Today, my five-year-old daughter told me she was going to throw up. I told her to rush to the bathroom. I followed her a few seconds later, only to find her sitting on the toilet and vomiting onto the floor. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I came down with food poisoning of some sort. After hours of scrambling to the toilet to vomit and empty my bowels, my three-year-old daughter got fed up and is now trying to potty-train me. FML
Today, my daughter was feeling sick. She threw up on the floor. As I was cleaning up her vomit, she threw up on my head. Twice. FML
Today, I had to listen to my daughter’s explosive diarrhea while I watched TV. When she came out of the bathroom, she went white as a sheet. Apparently she thought she was alone. FML
Today, I got severe diarrhea in a public bathroom. I told my 6-year-old to stand directly outside the stall where I can see her shoes. She proceeded to inform everyone who came in that "Mommy has diarrhea." FML
Today, while driving home, my 3-year-old daughter told me she had to poop. I told her that she would have to wait until we got home. When we got home, she pulled down her pants and shat on the floor, because, "I'm home now." FML
Today, as I was standing in the checkout line in a store, my six year-old daughter proudly announced to everyone that I fell asleep on the toilet last night. FML
Today, I was at the grocery store with my five year-old son when I had to go to the bathroom. After doing my business and we started walking out of the bathroom, my son loudly announced to the whole store, "Mommy has diarrhea!" FML
Today, when I went to pick up my daughter from preschool, I found out she'd "accidentally" tried to flush her clothes down the toilet while going to the bathroom. FML
Today, I wasn't feeling too well and consequently threw up. In an effort to get some sympathy, I told my mom about what happened. Rather than trying to make me feel better, she yelled at me because I threw up in the bathroom sink "when the damn toilet is two feet away." Thanks mom. FML
Today, I got diarrhea while on a trip with my daughters. At our third stop, I had to sit in the stall listening to my 5 year-old informing everyone who came in that "mommy is stopping at EVERY bathroom to poop." FML
Feel like sharing it with the other FML users?
Thanks, your FML was submitted, and will appear in the moderation queue soon!
Top comments
PoshLife_Cross 5
That's cute.
xlittlemiss 0
LOL. Well you can't blame her. She's only 5.
Add a comment · Reply to
You must be logged in to be able to post comments!
Comments (183)
PoshLife_Cross 5
That's cute.
n_epic_fail 14
She's only 5...
hemz_fml 13
I wouldn't find that annoying at all seeing as your child is sick. The floor would be my last worry
Damn_Hippster 11
You should be more specific when instructing your 5 year old.
StoryOfTheYear 15
Better there than on the carpet. Get well soon. :(
coolcaarlos 3
Lmfao!
soccercreator7 3
Same thing happened to me at my babysitter when I was about 4 or 5 too haha
ScubaSteve96 0
Define cute.
juturnaamo 29
Are you familiar with 5 year olds? They throw up a lot. Overeating at dinner, more exciting then normal rides, whatever. Kids puke.
Poser1337 5
You stole my profile pic! D=
IThinkItsAlright 7
121- According to your name, you're the poser.
Amin95 5
not cute at all
kped 0
Shouldn't you have followed her into the bathroom and taken care? Maybe then she would have thrown up into the toilet and had the comfort of her parent there?
soccercreator7 3
Hey! I commented first so I rlly had the profile pic first. So you stole my profile pic D=
JulietRose 10
145- she did follow. She only came in a few seconds after her daughter
xlittlemiss 0
LOL. Well you can't blame her. She's only 5.
deadxmau5 6
Plus she did listen maybe next time tell her to throw up in the toilet
assduffmovie 0
*meme* close enough
max_wilder 9
I hate when little kids do that
MeowingKat2 5
Yep.
Sinamoi 18
She, she listened.
Sinamoi 18
Please excuse my text studder, I ment "Hey,"
thisisafunnyname 12
r-r-r-r-remix!
leogirl95 12
It still makes sense
Sinamoi 18
Yes, my poor public grade education led not only to my fairly simple mistake, but to my honest correction below it. Typos happen; it's fact of life.
uy_fml 4
Well, at least she listened to you. Hope she gets better.
sariannacanna 6
Oo that sucks. At least she didnt have diarrhea on top of that
abluekiwi 0
With the toilet seat down.
soccercreator7 3
Funny how this comment has 30 dislikes (one from me) but when the comment above specifies with the toilet seat down 67 people including myself give it a thumbs up
WhyMeMann 0
Specify.
The_Troller 14
^ Exactly. Kids are a lot like computers, you need to tell them exactly what to do or they could unknowingly do something wrong. It's also kind of like that Peanut Butter and Jelly Sandwich Instructions assignment that tech/engineering teachers love to give out.
mrsayuso 0
Care to elaborate?
anongrl 2
I don't think she had a lot of time to specify.
SwiftFaux 0
52- There is this thing that alot of Science teachers do where you are told to write instructions to making a PB&J, and they take everything you say literally.
Bigmoneyshotz 0
You did only tell here to go in the bathroom. At least she listens really good.
Deadzombie 2
Well
yumlicious 4
She listens good-like.
IThinkItsAlright 7
Well** please?
ohSNAPyall 27
44 whatever welly-two-shoes.
Michael87Jackson_fml 10
You should have told her to throw up in the toilet. She's only 5. But lucky she listened to you. Somewhat.
amanda_d95 9
At least it wasn't on the carpet!
Cubturbo 0
Sounds like something I would have done when I was younger
PaperCaper 11
Lol, I actually did the exact same thing when I was about five.
MyS3lf 24
Lol, my 5 year old daughter was standing right in front of the toilet saying she was going to throw up, then she leaned over and threw up in the trash can NEXT to the toilet. Got all over the wall and everything. So fun!