Today, my mom sat on a pencil and started bleeding. She then made me clean the wound on her butt and put ointment on it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I had to help my dad remove a splinter. From his butt. FML
Today, my mom got drunk and punched me in the nose, then yelled at me for bleeding on the carpet. FML
Today, my girlfriend helped me apply liquid bandaid over an open wound. Unfortunately, she grabbed the liquid wart remover instead. FML
Today, I washed the dishes for my mom while she was out, as they seemed to be piling up. I accidentally sliced my hand with a knife in the process. After a trip to the hospital, it was revealed she'd been leaving those dishes there "to teach dad a lesson." FML
Today, I walked in on my mother using a razor to shave my dad's cream-covered testicles. FML
Today, I walked into the dining room to find my mom popping pimples on my dad's back. FML
Today, while I was cutting myself some watermelon, my mom walked in. I could tell she hadn't taken her medication in a while because she freaked out, grabbed the knife, and burst into tears before yelling at me, saying I could have cut myself and bled out. FML
Today, my mom was acting really pissy, and I couldn't help but mutter that she must be on her period. Five hours later, I'm glued to the toilet with my phone, because she went all out for revenge and spiked my dinner with some hellishly potent kind of laxative. FML
Today, I had to be go to the ER after I fell on a rake. After having stiches put in, my Mom wanted me to go to the store with her. My friend saw me at the store and thought it would be funny to rip off the band aid because she thought I was hiding a zit. She ripped out my stitches. FML
Today, while my friends were over, my mom took too many of her pills and walked around the house nude. She then bit me. FML
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Top comments
NorfolkDude 2
You're a woman and her child, so perhaps she trusted you. What if someday your mom is 87 years old, and requires you to clean her, feed her, and change her diapers all the while she's unable to even talk? Are you going to post on FML about how your life sucks? Or are you going to behave like a responsible, moral person who takes care of her family rather than find it disgusting and something for all to hear?
xApril 0
She sat on a pencil and it magically made her ass bleed? I have an image of a pencil standing straight up and usually just doesn't happen like that, pal.
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Comments (73)
theF22willkillyo 0
That sucks OP FYL. But look on the bright side, I'm sure you're not the FIRST person to ever have this happen!
AndelleRae 9
Really? You know it's still going to get buried, right?
waterynuggets 0
ROFL nice one
theF22willkillyo 0
AndelleRae, YDTNFMLTHTY for: 1). Giving a shit about someone saying "first" to begin with. 2). Feeling bad because you could never dream of such a witty way to say "first." And finally, 5). Getting cut down with a herring.
theF22willkillyo 0
Tarynkd don't feed the trolls.
alexandraa_fml 0
I sat on a pencil when I was younger and the lead broke off and is still under my skin 7 years later.. :/
sarcdude 3
@#25 I felt that lead just reading that.
jts2 3
Sounds fun, alexandraa.
gigi37 0
@25, I have the same situation, but with my hand; I accidentally stabbed myself in my right hand with a shading pencil back in 2002 and I still have a little gray mark
alexandraa_fml 0
Oh gah gigi37. ouch,. idk if it's anything to worry about or not. I guess not.. Still bothers me though knowing it's in there, :P
arielhoee 9
I got stabbed in the right temple with a pencil when I was like 5, & I still have a mark from it. :D
B_Foxy 0
My sister stabbed me with a pencil when I was five. I'm fifteen now and still have a quite obvious mark :)
OneSadGuy 3
I stabbed someone in the heart with a pencil in 2003. He is still dead.
alexandraa_fml 0
LOL
ilovefatcats 12
HOW DOES THAT HAPPEN???!!!!! IT'S LIKE MAAAGICK!
c00lsk8erboi 7
shes ur mother. show some respect. she carried u for 9 months and sat in a hosptial bed for hours and pushed u out and ur complaining about helping ur mom with a small problem?ur life must be sad
11colio11 4
why are you complaining op? she sat on a goddamn pencil! Ow!
asscheaks 0
I accidentally stabbed myself in the hand with a pencil about 6 months ago. I discovered that the reason of the little grey mark was because the pencil drew in the inside of my hand. but I have a question: how do you sit on a pencil? is it just like sitting on a pencil tripod so it's always pointing up??
AlicaKate 0
The image in my head makes little sense while at the same time is incredibly lol'able.
ILIEKGIRLS 5
oh hell yes, I see what you mean. *uhguhguhgug*
NorfolkDude 2
You're a woman and her child, so perhaps she trusted you. What if someday your mom is 87 years old, and requires you to clean her, feed her, and change her diapers all the while she's unable to even talk? Are you going to post on FML about how your life sucks? Or are you going to behave like a responsible, moral person who takes care of her family rather than find it disgusting and something for all to hear?
HiddenAce91 6
That would be the time I either send her to live with one of my siblings, or and old folks home.
kvgf1484 0
I agree with NorFolk Dude and anyone else who said something along the same lines. She's your mother and she wiped your ass countless times... stop being a whiney brat and deal with it.
All_time_Loserr 10
She's probably the same women who cleaned his diapers . what's the big deal now
xApril 0
She sat on a pencil and it magically made her ass bleed? I have an image of a pencil standing straight up and usually just doesn't happen like that, pal.
AlicaKate 0
EXACTLY what I was thinking.
catatonicsleep 17
when i was at school a guy in my class sat on a pencil and then had to sit on a pillow for a few weeks after it poked him in the ass although someone might have been holding it pointing upwards at the time....
Rayn4u_fml 0
Maybe the OP was the one holding it up for her mum, and then kissing her butt was punishment ^^
crzyry 6
Wow you are ungrateful. That woman brought you into this world and has probably cleaned and bandaged dozens of your cuts.
The_Great_Zucchi 15
So what would she have done if something similar happened to you? Who was she supposed to ask for help? Your neighbour?
Thatk1ddd 0
This doesn't sound as possible as you're making it, but it sucks nonetheless.
farflungfloyd 0
Oh my GOD! You had to help your mother with a small wound? Your life is so awful. You should just give up change your name and move to a tropical island where nobody can track you down.
isantorin 0
Honestly- god forbid a parent needs your help when she gets hurt! Bitch should do it herself, not like she took any care of you at all ever right?
riku3220 2
You people really need to put yourself in the OP's shoes instead of viewing from 3rd person. Would you really want your mom's ass dead in your face while you applied ointment to it? I don't have a MILF for a mom so I certainly don't and I'm sure most of you wouldn't want to do it either.
sarcdude 3
Well it's really F HER Life, she sat on a freakin pencil >_> Honestly, once when I was younger I stepped on a pencil sticking straight up out of a backpack, and my mom came to the rescue. That shit hurt. I can only imagine that poor woman.
Laurasian 0
Food for thought: She pushed your fat ass out of her ******. The least you can do is put ointment on her bum. If my daughter complains like this you bet that she's going to get that same lecture ("Do you know what I went through with you!? You broke two of my ribs while you were hanging out in my uterus!!!!"). Anyway, yeah, it kinda would be awkward, but get over it.