Today, I went on a first date, where my date managed to fall in a creek, take me to his house and measure my height, show me family pictures, and perform the Soulja Boy dance in his living room. All while wearing swim trunks because his pants were drying and he didn't have extras. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I went on my very first date. We went out to eat dinner and everything went great! Afterwards, I went to drop him back off at his house. I backed out of his driveway and got stuck in a ditch. His dad had to come out and tow me out. So that's how I met my boyfriend's parents. FML
Today, I went on a first date with the guy I really like. During our dinner, he said he needed to go to the bathroom. You guessed it: he didn't come back. FML
Today, I went on the first date I've been on in years. While walking into the movie theatre, one of my shoes broke. Then I remembered that I needed to grab my mask. While walking back to the car, my other shoe broke. After the movie, I tripped on my broken shoes, and brought him down with me. FML
Today, I went on a first date. He got so drunk he forgot what he ordered to eat ten minutes after ordering. He also had to text me later to ask if we kissed, because he couldn’t remember. FML
Today, I went on a first date with a guy I met online. I arrived early and waited for him for over an hour. When he finally showed up, he was wearing the exact same outfit as me. FML
Today, on a date, I told the guy I could swim. He suggested we race. I agreed to impress him. I jumped in, immediately panicked, inhaled water, and had to be helped out by a 10-year-old with floaties. He asked if I lied about anything else. FML
Today, I was on a first date and tried to playfully flick a fry at him. It missed, hit a waiter in the face, and he dropped an entire tray of drinks onto an elderly couple. My date laughed, then excused himself to the bathroom… and never came back. FML
Today, I went on a date with someone I'd met online. Everything was going surprisingly well, until I knocked over my drink, spilling it all over my date's lap. In a panic, I blurted out, "Dude, did you piss yourself?" Needless to say, there will be no second date. FML
Today. I went on a date with a really great guy. After the date we went to his place and had drinks in the hottub. I ended up shitting myself. FML
Today, I went on a date with a new guy after not dating for quite some time. I'd drank a lot of water, so I wouldn't eat so much on the date and look like a pig. Unfortunately, I'd forgotten how funny this guy really was. He made me laugh so hard, I peed all over myself. FML
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Top comments
perdix 31
Measure your height? That's a new one. I went on a date with a girl and we ended up at her place and she whipped out several family photo albums. After politely sitting through a few minutes of this, I asked for if we could take a break. She said yes and then we made out. I think it was a test and I passed. If I had sat through hours of that, she'd have thought I was a spineless limp-dick and sent me on my way.
xgetxbentx 13
I'm not seeing how this is an fml... I mean if he just measured your height out of the blue sure, it's a little weird but it's not a big deal. Sounds to me like he's a pretty fun dude and he has a good relationship with his family. Those are both good things, don't let something little like him measuring you or not owning a lot of pants ruin that.
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Comments (263)
rockbandjunkie 2
First
phillyboss25 0
u make him a sandwich?
MuuuChuuu 5
lol that's funny....when's the 2nd date?!
SillyEars 0
the second date's coming when he gets his sandwich. maybe some pants too...
VSOLORIO 0
you should buy him some pants?
Ms_Jessie22 8
Annndd the problem is...?
redneck0328 5
how exactly is this an FML? so stuff went wrong... shit happens hun deal with it
VvCJHvV 6
love the new pic Jess!
Ms_Jessie22 8
Thanks Cody! I like yours too! You've got a rockin' body lol :)
Ms_Jessie22 8
Thank you too, Cookie Monster Cupcake :)
BelleElle_fml 0
LMAO! Exactly #4 I would totally go on a second date with this guy! :P
lmfao1643 3
He's a keeper!!
cassiesaurus 0
I don't see the problem here...
pertained 12
sounds cute xD
persianality 0
you really must like him that ur still chilling with him
pertained 12
but then, he only has one pair of trousers...?
the101dan 0
10 - The problem most likely is that it was a hella boring date. :P
ryan1000000 0
#36 omg I found Kyle!!!
radmuffin 12
61 wins. Trousers!!! lmao
piinkbunnii 1
That date sounds totally romantic!!! Keep him!!!
Claay_aiir 0
ommmggg! I would tooo! this isn't an FML.. it's kinds cute (:
izzy0122 0
out of the ordinary.. and spontaneous! just buy him sone shorts or something! n ur good
sKiTzOsgreycloud 0
no....no.......see?..... that's why there are lots of dumbasses with great girlfriends... cuz the g-f doesn't know any better and continues to stay with the loser and buy him things. I see it everyday. Move on ladies, can't fix every guy.
Dr_Uglord 0
sounds like a fun guy. op should lighten up.
NzxtZ06 0
Best. Date. Ever. Period.
llcooljoey 0
he's a keeper
sharpl916 0
soulja boy sucks real bad!
n_maher 0
yeah really? I think it sounds fun, a guy that's funny and doesn't care what people think. people are too serious these days, you need to be able to laugh at yourself, and family photos are sorta personal imo, so I think it's sweet he wanted to show them to you op. maybe get over yourself a little and losen up a bit, I'm sure he was embarassed about the falling in the creek thing and was just trying to lighten your tight ass mood :P But I do agree the boy needs more than one pair of pants. I hate serious dinner and romantic walk "dates" the're akward and cliche and lame, bring forth the laughs and dorky fun :)
JoeMamas 0
Did he measure your height INTERNALLY? If so, he's probably cool with no second date anyway;)
xXLeeLeeXx 2
the first dates like this always end up in second ones then third then eventully ull be telling the story of the "first date" to the kids!! haha
chunkiemonkie 0
this is one of the funniest fmls ever
RachelTheLoser 0
sounds like a good first date to me :D
nivri 0
amen someone with some sense
teresa_009 0
why were his pants wet?
fruitaypatootay 1
so you'd measure your partner's height why...!
pertained 12
his trousers were wet because he fell in the creek...?
sukhdeep 4
lo
karatekidcatblue 0
Why you complaining? He sound freaking awesome!
KaylaRenee96 0
exactly...I liked ur date I'll probably never hav one in my life :(
azim2424 0
86 you called?
dederahne 0
what a loser
xImSorryx 0
Baby I already said I was sorry. You didn't need to go to FML, I told you I read these everyday! Oh and why did I get pushed into the creek, huh? I was trying to get you that perfect throwing rock, I'm sorry I'm a romantic. Okay you left out how you wanted to measure your height so you could know how that dress you kept showing me would look on you. Lastly the soulja boyy is a timeless dance and if you can't appreciate that then we were never meant to be.
pertained 12
that's negative feedback for you, eh?
xImSorryx 0
haha guess so I'm 14 and she's 16 though, no one in her grade level would even ask her out. She looked lonely and maybe there was more to her than people thought, there isn't.
Blackie_fml 0
^^^ = LAWL!!!
sdk00k 0
48 is a keeper... that was me on that date ;) lol
pertained 12
yeah, I'm sorry she didn't appreciate you. 16 year olds nowadays, seriously. xD
granthm 0
he's a keeper and number three is right to ask that
GeekMaster6000 3
He's definitely a keeper!
horseluver29 4
u don't need to apologize! op does for being so stuck up
HiccupAstrid 1
wow lol funny
RyGan 0
He really FELL for you ..
n_maher 0
nawww cutie
ThatsJustMii 0
stop complaining at least he didn't weigh u
xoxospontaneousx_fml 0
haha nice one 77. and I think this date would actually be super fun :) the only bad part is the fact that he only has 1 pair of pants :/
Xxprincipessa 0
hahahahaha looks like he ain't getting a second date.. he sounds very open with his personality though.
perdix 31
Measure your height? That's a new one. I went on a date with a girl and we ended up at her place and she whipped out several family photo albums. After politely sitting through a few minutes of this, I asked for if we could take a break. She said yes and then we made out. I think it was a test and I passed. If I had sat through hours of that, she'd have thought I was a spineless limp-dick and sent me on my way.
RedPillSucks 33
And that's when you whipped out your "measuring stick" and said... Let's get something straight between us, baby...
CloudEnvy 17
Sounds like he put all the effort in.
HiccupAstrid 1
Wow that was fast on #1 getting deleted!
edwinadi 0
why do tjey get deleted??
Intoxicunt 6
They get MODERATED (they're not deleted; they're right there) for breaking the rules.
TheIrishJaneDoe 9
Yeah but on the iPhone app, Toxi, they just disappear. So they do indeed seem deleted.
HaveNoShame 3
I guess all of these statements add up to you not liking the date? What, he didn't look good in trunks? I'd be annoyed if the dude "accidentally" fell in the creek, then used that as an excuse to go back to him place so he could make unwelcome moves, but not if he just did funny things.
xgetxbentx 13
I'm not seeing how this is an fml... I mean if he just measured your height out of the blue sure, it's a little weird but it's not a big deal. Sounds to me like he's a pretty fun dude and he has a good relationship with his family. Those are both good things, don't let something little like him measuring you or not owning a lot of pants ruin that.
Kartor 6
maybe he just didnt have any CLEAN pants
fualignment 0
he probably did all of that on purpose to set the standards low enough for the next date!
ladidalisa 0
hahah, that's exactly what I was thinking :P
Mr_Zachary 0
why is this bitch complaining about what seems like an interesting and fun date? sounds like a stuck up **** to me.