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The all-time greatest FMLs

Classic non-ironical Ironic

By Karen - 21/11/2022 18:00

Today, I had a shift at my job at a grocery store that was full of rude and impatient customers. Someone dropped a bottle of wine and it shattered next to me. I found a half-eaten packet of sushi behind some magazines. The scale on another register broke. "Ironic" by Alanis Morissette played on the store radio at the end. FML

I agree, your life sucks 895

You deserved it 125

Run!

By Anonymous - 08/10/2021 02:00 - Australia - Vermont

Today, I have come to the conclusion that my fiancé is the most selfish person I know. I can't talk to him about it, because the conversation will just turn on how I'm the worst person he knows. I don't know what to do. FML

I agree, your life sucks 895

You deserved it 380

Our House

By Anonymous - 26/10/2020 11:01

Today, I found out I have another leak in my house. I've had three inspections and they were all shit. At this point, that pipe is the only remaining original pipe in the entire house. Over 25k have officially gone into this BS. Note to all: go "new." FML

I agree, your life sucks 895

You deserved it 134

Have we met?

By Perpetual shrugging - 26/10/2021 08:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, I was in a group chat with my mother and siblings. Midway through, my mom specifically tells my siblings how proud she is of them, and how they’ve always been by their side and loves them. I wasn’t even included. FML

I agree, your life sucks 895

You deserved it 94

By Anonymous - 15/07/2019 18:00

Today, I realised the recruiter for the Navy lied to me. This shit ain't fun. FML

I agree, your life sucks 895

You deserved it 2 462

Evil always wins

By Anonymous - 21/03/2021 20:01

Today, I was in the Walmart parking lot listening to some music in my car and some lady comes up to me and say, “Boy, the music you listen to is so unholy, I think you need some Jesus in your life.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 895

You deserved it 343

Cart Narcs will get ya!

By May - 10/01/2021 20:01

Today, my dad forced me to leave my empty shopping cart in the middle of a store, rather than return it to the corral. My dad’s word is law, and all I can think about is how much of an asshole I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 895

You deserved it 275

Kids will be kids

By Anonymous - 27/05/2022 22:00

Today, at my little cousin’s birthday party, some spoilt child played a prank and placed chocolate cake on my seat just as I was about to sit. Let’s just say of all the days, today was a bad day to wear cream trousers and park the car quite a way away from the venue. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 141

Memory low

By emma - 24/12/2020 05:02

Today, while my mom was explaining the house rules surrounding the towels, I took out a notepad and began taking notes. She snatched it away and threw it across the room. I need the notes or else I’ll forget. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 187

How d'you like them apples?

By Anonymous - 29/10/2022 14:00

Today, after my girlfriend played a prank on me a few days ago, I thought she’d be a good sport about me playing one back. Turns out she’s not a good sport. I’m now single, with black bruises on my ribs. I think one might even be broken. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 219

Sorry Dad

By Fail - 04/12/2022 04:00

Today, my dad's car door was frozen shut. As he was in a hurry, he asked me to force it open. When I did so, the door slammed into his back. hard. Now he can barely walk, even with a walker, but he needs to walk in order for it to improve, or else he may become wheelchair-bound for the rest of his life. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 150

Itchy and Scratchy

By Ashley - 15/04/2021 21:30

Today, I was getting ready for a very unpleasant doctor's appointment. I got out of the shower and used a new body spray all over my torso and arms. Turns out I'm allergic to it and now my skin is on fire, so now I get to go to an already uncomfortable appointment even more uncomfortable than I'd planned. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 213

Living conditions

By To you? Hard fucking pass - 03/04/2023 14:00 - United States - Collegeville

Today, like every other day, my mother, who I live with due to circumstances outside my control, harasses me every twenty minutes and generally treats me like her personal slave. When I dared complain, she had the audacity to tell me I’m lucky to “live a life of service.” Yeah, fuck you too. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 193

Are you lonesome tonight?

By Anonymous - 26/11/2021 14:01

Today, Thanksgiving Day and I have no family to spend with, all my friends are busy or out of town, and the only person actively talking to me is a random guy on Bumble. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 188

By legrand - 14/09/2016 08:11 - France - Grenoble

Today, I was talking with my slightly skinflint girlfriend, who just moved in with me. “I think you should pay more bills than me, since you’re taller, you eat more, drink more and your clothes take up more space in the washing machine”. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 125

Worst prank ever

By Dexter - 21/05/2023 18:00

Today, I was in school when I got up to ask the teacher a question. For no reason, the guy sitting next to me punched me in the gut so hard I collapsed and saw stars. The teacher simply rolled her eyes and told me to get back to work. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 117

Two sides

By GET A BABYSITTER - 30/05/2023 22:00 - United States

Today, my coworker brought her two children to work again. She's normally a nice lady and pleasant to work with, but around her children she becomes a total bitch, to the point that she screams at them for simply asking her a question. Way to make a long day even more miserable. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 113

Winding me up

By Do I Smell Bad Or Something? - 02/07/2022 10:00

Today, I got a phone call from the psychiatrist I had an appointment with next week, telling me that they need to postpone, and the next available session is in three months. This is the fourth time this has happened to me in the last year, with the third doctor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 79

Well trained

By Anonymous - 16/11/2022 16:00

Today, I paid for earrings at a craft fair. A kid came up from behind and started crying. The kid's mom said the kid saw earrings first and dropped them to grab an adult. The kid was allowed to cry hysterically until the hall went silent. I said, “You can have it.” Suddenly, the kid stops crying and the mom goes, “Oh that’s so kind, are you sure?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 309

Far out

By mary b. - 15/08/2022 14:00

Today, I got a call from my son’s teacher, saying that he raised his hand during a test to say he "couldn't focus, because the ‘metroids’ are harassing me.” Apparently, he forgot about the test and took a healthy dose of shrooms right before. FML

I agree, your life sucks 894

You deserved it 250

Stingy

By Anonymous - 08/06/2022 06:00

Today, I had no money on me, so I asked my husband to put money in the cancer charity box for me. He grumbled about it, then realised he only had £10 notes, so he gave them a tenner but asked the lady if she could break open the sealed box to give him £9 in change. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 283

HELP! I NEED SOMEBODY!

By Anonymous - 26/07/2022 16:00

Today, I stayed home from work because I'd had diarrhea for 24 hours and my gut felt horrible. I decided to at least enjoy some sun on my back porch in my swing chair. I stepped on an old board and my leg fell through to the knee, I couldn't move, and I was home alone. My neighbor cut the board that got me out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 135

Stop assuming the worst!

By notbeeatingmywife - 21/08/2022 14:00 - United States - Denver

Today, my girlfriend has some bruises from her karate class. We went shopping together and needless to say, I got quite a few dirty looks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 102

He studied the blade

By Anonymous - 29/06/2023 00:02 - United Kingdom

Today, my 9 year-old managed to break the padlock on my display cabinet, take out my entire sword collection, run to the garden making lightsaber noises, and bash them on trees and a stone wall. They are ruined. One of them has a crack that has damn near snapped it in two. I want to weep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 413

We meet again

By Anonymous - 19/02/2023 06:00 - Germany

Today, I waited months for a specialist doctor’s appointment, only to find out that it's the same guy I already saw for the same problem years ago, who was at his wit's end after seeing nothing wrong on the x-ray, and had no clue as to what might be causing my pain. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 170

A brief ray of sunshine

By Wait, I'm not happy - 17/09/2022 07:00

Today, I had an extremely great day, to the point that I actually forgot for a moment that I suffer from depression. When I remembered, I became inexplicably sad, as usual. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 302

Dominance

By Anonymous - 24/06/2023 00:02

Today, I have accepted that if I try to spend time with my girlfriend, she will come up with any excuse to avoid me, but when I want to do something by myself, she will be at my elbow every ten seconds, loudly whining that she wants to spend time together and that I'm mean. Talking has yet to fix anything. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 217

WHO ARE YOU?

By Bamboozled - 17/11/2022 14:00 - United States

Today, I almost got attacked by a dog. The dog that occupies the same house as I do. The reason? He didn't recognize me because - get this - I was wearing a beanie. A hat made me unrecognizable to my dog. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 178

Emergencies can't be choosers

By Anonymous - 20/07/2022 12:00 - United States

Today, my mom argued with me that I should have went to an emergency room a further 18 minutes away from me, during a near fatal allergic reaction, so I would've received "better care." FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 88

PSA

By Anonymous - 04/06/2023 06:00 - Australia - Perth

Today, my mother-in-law showed my five year-old a video of a dog biting a baby, complete with blood all over the baby’s face. We have a dog and a baby. I had to explain that we are careful and that she was a baby with the same sort of dog and is fine. I don’t think she believed me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 893

You deserved it 180

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The Top

Today, I found that my "lesbian" best friend and roommate is now dating the guy I've been trying to get a date with for weeks. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 061

You deserved it 3 366

Today, my brother came out to our family as being gay. My mother starting crying because she "wanted grandchildren." I told her that I was planning on having children. She started crying harder. FML

I agree, your life sucks 74 122

You deserved it 4 380

Today, I found out that when my 7 year old daughter invites her friends to eat dinner with us, she charges them 3 euros for the meal and puts it in her piggy bank. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 512

You deserved it 573

Today, my boyfriend claims he found a way of spending time with my son without actually spending time with him. They play hide and seek, and for a long time as he shouts, “I’m gonna find you” every few minutes. The game can last over an hour while he watches TV without interruptions. Genius or asshole? FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 587

You deserved it 298

Today, for my birthday, I got a beautiful bouquet of flowers, a lovingly hand-decorated candle, and my first positive Covid test ever. FML

I agree, your life sucks 666

You deserved it 123

Today, I went to a cafe to order some food. The person at the counter was at least 30 cm taller than me, was wearing a mask, and had a quiet voice. I heard him ask, “Takeaway?” so I said no. He repeated the question three more times and I said no every time. Turns out he was asking “Dine in or takeaway?” FML

I agree, your life sucks 369

You deserved it 149