Today, I got too drunk at a party and cracked a tooth from opening a beer bottle with my teeth, farted something nasty in a room alone with someone, tried to climb a tree and fell out, and watched my crush make out with his new girl. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was drunk at a party and confessed my love for my crush and told her how I felt. According to my friends, I made out with another girl not long after my confession. FML
Today, I was making out with a girl who I've had a crush on for a while now. It was all going fine until one of my teeth decided to dislodge itself. She promptly spat out the tooth and left. FML
Today, at a house party someone smashed and spilled their drink. In my own drunken state, I decided to get the mop as someone might fall. I then fell over it and ended up with glass in my side. FML
Today, my work had an employee party at the park and I drank a little too much vodka. Towards the end of the party, I found myself making out with a tree in front of all my co-workers. FML
Today, I was out having a beer with a few friends. After getting a pint, I slipped in a puddle of beer, fell on top of a stranger on the sofa, and knocked my beer upside down on my head. Then, completely soaked, I realized I'd also knocked over the table, spilling its content on a poor girl across it. FML
Today, I was hanging out with a guy I like. We climbed a tree to watch the sunset, and as the sun went down, I kissed him. He fell out of the tree. FML
Today, my roommate made out with this guy I kind of had a thing for. It wasn't a big deal to sober me, but drunk me wasn't having it. I drank half a bottle of vodka, punched a hole in a wall, and cried while laying on the floor. FML
Today, I got so drunk that I tasered myself in the balls as a joke, fell down my friend's porch stairs and rolled out into the street. FML
Today, while attempting to sneak out of my boyfriend's parents' house during my walk of shame, I fell down the stairs, spilling cherry coke all over myself, their walls, and the carpet. FML
Today, I hung out with my crush for only the second time at his apartment. He was having a party. After a few sips of my green apple Smirnoff, I puked up the chinese food I had eaten earlier all over his new couch in front of him and a bunch of people I didn't know. FML
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Top comments
AstroTurfMatador 11
"in a room alone with someone" Were you alone or with someone? It can't be both.
Amy78_fml 11
I see some behavior that would be a turn off.
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Comments (28)
Virids 13
Well, can't win them all. Better luck next time...
ajh1800 25
Stories like this are a large part of why I don't drink. YDI
Amy78_fml 11
I see some behavior that would be a turn off.
Gofuckyourself 24
Preach!
AstroTurfMatador 11
"in a room alone with someone" Were you alone or with someone? It can't be both.
RichardPencil 32
It means there were exactly two people in the room, and at that number, everyone knows with 100% certainty who farted. There’s no plausible deniability.
BurnInDemonFire 39
Nice to see that the Hannah Montana persona lived on after Miley Cyrus walked away from the show, but the "protagonist needs to be drunk to be funny" cliché sounds like something Tom Green came up with.
DaDezza244 31
Were you drunk when you wrote this FML?
Sinshine 28
If you're expecting sympathy, you're not going to get it here. But I can see why your crush isn't making out with you.
RichardPencil 32
I’ll bet the new girl holds her liquor far better than you.
tharnden 1
I was reading this as though OP was a dude. But then realized OP is a chick and was like, "CLASSY!!!"
julfunky 29
So are you suggesting this would be ok if OP was a guy?
Gofuckyourself 24
OP never identified their gender so you shouldn't be assuming either or. I'm just saying, not looking to get into the whole gender debate.
acmariner99 25
Got too drunk (the rest is history). Did we learn something?