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The all-time greatest FMLs

It's not like riding a bike

By Anonymous - 06/05/2023 03:00

Today, I bought my very first car. My dad insisted on driving it, just to see how it handles, and drove it right off the bridge near our house into our river because he hasn’t driven anything in 15 years, which also means he has no insurance, at all. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 459

Fill her up

By Anonymous - 03/02/2021 19:55

Today, I'm nearly done with my cortisol treatment for a persistent multi-day migraine. Good news: it actually stopped for the last two blissful, pain-free days. Bad news: apparently anything less than the maximum dose of cortisol doesn't prevent me from getting a new migraine. Here we go again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 86

TMI Mom

By Why - 01/12/2022 00:00 - United States

Today, I had the pleasure of listening to my mom tell me about how her and my dad's weight loss has helped them get more into it when they're being intimate. Suddenly I wish my parents were fat again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 297

"Life is unfair…"

By Breadline single mom - 26/12/2020 19:56

Today, my deadbeat ex-husband who works at a country club was invited to play poker with some club members as they needed a last player. He’s rubbish at poker but got some lucky hands and ended up winning £112,000 from those rich guys. Life isn’t fair. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 1 406

Weird turn on, but OK

By Anonymous - 19/03/2022 12:00 - India

Today, I realised my sex drive has improved massively since I started fantasising about Bruno from Encanto on the regular. I thought my lack of appetite was because of my mental health issues. Apparently not. FML

I agree, your life sucks 901

You deserved it 326

Humblebrag

By Anonymous - 20/06/2022 10:00

Today, at a business BBQ my dad introduced my older brother to his boss as "Dr Brother", my younger sister as "CEO Sister," and then me as "Beautiful Daughter." That was it, I’m his pretty daughter, just because I became a primary school teacher, and disappointed him so disgracefully. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 1 183

Creepy thing to do, for sure

By Anonymous - 11/12/2023 22:00 - Canada - Toronto

Today, my wife told me she wanted to try something that would turn me on immediately. While I was in our bed, she came in, wearing only the underwear she took from our 13 year-old daughter's closet. Now she doesn't understand why I'm genuinely disgusted and don't want to have sex with her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 184

Down!

By Imnotfromhere - 23/07/2021 22:01

Today, I tripped over a dog and broke my elbow. I'm stuck dogsitting for the rest of the weekend and he won't stop jumping up at my broken arm. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 116

Someone doesn't like you much

By Anonymous - 28/04/2022 16:00

Today, after work, I found my car in the middle of the empty parking lot with a huge crack in the windshield that wasn't there in the morning. Looks like I have to get the windshield replaced. Again. For the fourth time now. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 120

In shape

By emmy - 01/04/2021 14:01

Today, even after months of vigorous exercise and diet in an attempt to gain muscle, I have not gained any muscle. Instead, my body is putting fat into the one part of my body I can’t work out: my face. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 117

Bates Motel

By Anonymous - 15/10/2021 08:00

Today, I gave my boyfriend a choice between me and the super creepy, codependent, almost Norman Bates relationship he has with his mother. Guess which he chose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 511

Cracking

By Jennifer Sara Harms - 01/02/2021 11:01 - Canada

Today, I was so stressed out from my ex harassing me that I took a chewable pill that’s made for anxiety and it broke my tooth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 142

Startled

By Achoo - 24/09/2022 20:00 - United States

Today, I tried to introduce myself to the stray cat outside my house. As it turns out, this cat is very friendly. He got up and started climbing on my shoulders like a parrot, sniffing me everywhere. Then I sneezed and he fell, scratching my back and neck very badly as he did so. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 344

Plumbing issues

By oops - 25/01/2023 03:00

Today, I realized that sometimes when I sneeze, I pee a little. I’m 28 years-old and I've never had kid; I’m even a virgin. This shouldn’t be happening. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 173

Miss Pissy

By Anonymous - 03/10/2019 02:00

Today, I was protesting for animal rights. On my way home, I accidentally hit a pig with my car. I freaked out and got out to check to see if it was OK. It knocked me over, spraining my wrist, and it pissed all over my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 1 934

Demonic

By sarcastic_centipede - 09/06/2021 06:02

Today, my mom told me to take the trash out. I started to, but then I saw that the trash can had been rolled out to the curb, so I went to my room to put on shoes. My mom apparently took this as me deciding not to take the trash out, as she not only yelled at me, but growled and hissed as well. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 106

The second coming

By Anonymous - 19/10/2023 10:00

Today, my husband is trying to divorce me because I’m pregnant, even though I’ve been told all my adult life that I’m infertile. I’ve never even had a period. He’s blaming me for lying to him because he never wanted kids. He even tried to claim it must be another guy's baby. He’s an idiot. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 206

Follow through

By Anonymous - 21/07/2022 16:00

Today, my kid was on an app that makes fart noises. After too many minutes of this, I wrestled the phone away. He then went on to make real farts. Stinky ones. Then, had the inevitable shart, along with hysterical laughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 282

Don't jump to conclusions

By Anonymous - 27/12/2022 03:00

Today, my girlfriend of six months broke up with me. In her words, “Liking you fucked up my brain.” Later that afternoon, she posted a story of her with another dude’s arm around her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 150

What's the tooth?

By Anonymous - 05/07/2023 12:00 - Germany

Today, I asked my dentist to have a look at the tiny crack his colleague repaired a few years ago, because it’s giving me trouble again. He looked in my mouth, took an X-ray, and could find neither the crack, nor the corresponding filling. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 139

Shitty situation

By Anonymous - 08/01/2022 05:01

Today, I went to change my one year-old son's diaper and it was a total disaster! He'd picked at his diaper and it came loose. There was poop all over his sleeper, and when I went to clean it up, he put his hands in it. Let's just say I threw the damn sleeper away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 226

You helped her see the light

By losercancer - 23/04/2021 21:30 - Georgia

Today, my girlfriend left me, saying she'd started to appreciate herself more with the help of a therapist. That I paid for her to visit. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 232

You mug

By IHateMyLife - 25/03/2021 02:01 - Germany - Stuttgart

Today, it should have been my day off from work because I did a lot of night shifts. At 6 a.m., my boss called told me that my day off was canceled, because a coworker is ill. Now I'm sitting here on a night shift with a pinched nerve in my shoulder and a lot of pain, just because I stretched. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 82

Tense

By Anon - 06/04/2021 08:00 - United Kingdom

Today, my doctor told me if my blood pressure gets any higher, he could use me to reinflate the air in his tyres. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 159

Stranded

By mmmmmm no - 24/06/2021 02:00

Today. I worked my 10-hour shift and drove over 3 hours to the hotel that I'd reserved a room at for 3 nights. The hotel required ID to get a room with a bank or credit card. I realized I'd lost my state ID, they wouldn't accept my work photo ID, they won't let me pay cash… No ID, no room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 174

Unreasonable

By Anonymous - 21/02/2021 17:01 - United States - Minneapolis

Today, my father-in-law decided to disown myself and his son, because my husband decided to hyphenate his last name. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 291

Moobs are great

By FML_Fan86 - 23/01/2021 20:02

Today, I finally got a "sexy" pic from my boyfriend. It was his man boobs. They're bigger than mine. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 243

By desperatewife - 01/01/2016 01:47 - France

Today, it’s official, 2016 was the most catastrophic year for me, sexually, having had sex a total of zero times. It wouldn’t be so bad if I hadn’t been married for 6 years. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 102

Alexa, play "Hot Hot Hot" by The Cure

By Talented73 - 07/07/2021 22:01 - United States - Yonkers

Today, we're in the middle of a heatwave. When I woke up this morning, I noticed that my scrotum was stuck to the side of my leg from all the perspiration. I had to actually peel it off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 161

Surprise!

By Anonymous - 12/10/2022 02:00

Today, at nine months pregnant, I stopped at a truck stop to use the restroom. I opened an unlocked stall door and stood face to face with a woman bent over wiping. She let out a scream so blood-curdlingly loud that I wet myself. FML

I agree, your life sucks 899

You deserved it 136

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The Top

Today, I began to walk across the street when I saw a very familiar old lady struggle across it. I walked over to help her, and only after she had blown her rape whistle and socked me in the nuts did she realize I was her grandson. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 401

You deserved it 3 613

Today, I was holding a lit cigarette in one hand and a lollipop in the other. Guess which one I licked? FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 206

You deserved it 141 076

Today, I drove into my school. Literally drove into my school. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 266

You deserved it 54 640

Today, I was taking the bus home from work. I went to pull the cord to request a stop when the driver slammed on the breaks to avoid running a red light, causing me to get thrown out of my seat and slide down the aisle and hit my head on a pole by the front of the bus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 427

You deserved it 234

Today, like everyday, I have to ignore the mould in the bathroom, cat shit stuck to the dining room floor, and dirty dishes in the kitchen courtesy of my never-cleaning sister, but today she bitched at me for being gross and unhygenic for double dipping the ice-cream tub, and everyone agreed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 250

You deserved it 352

Today, I was sitting at home when the police knocked on my door. They came inside, sat me down and told me that both my parents died in a car crash tonight. I started to cry, but about 10 minutes later, I find out they had the wrong person. I feel bad for the other guy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 846

You deserved it 130