Today, the guy I was dating for over a year would only perform oral on me and never sex. I couldn’t figure out why. We grinded a few times. I got pregnant but couldn’t figure out how, because I didn’t have sex. Apparently his penis, hard, is the size of my pinkie. We were having sex, I just never felt it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I went to give my boyfriend head, and his dick tasted like condoms. I'm 5 months pregnant, we obviously don't use condoms. He got scared when I stopped and told him, then he got mad at me. FML
Today, I found out I was pregnant. When I told my boyfriend that I couldn't believe this happened, he said, "I'm not going to lie, I didn't always pull out fast." FML
Today, after finalizing my divorce, I decided to go out with a guy I had been ogling for months, after much anticipation and a few rounds of drinks at the bar, I was ready to roll. Much to my disappointment, his penis was so small the condom wouldn't stay on. FML
Today, after a year of coaxing, I got my boyfriend of 18 months to agree to have sex with me. He decided his first course of action was to try to shove his flaccid penis into my unlubricated vagina. FML
Today, I accidentally got pregnant by my boyfriend of three years and now I’m 4 months pregnant, single and we don’t even talk anymore. The best part is that he doesn’t believe I’m pregnant, nor that it’s his. FML
Today, my girlfriend freaked out, thinking she might be pregnant due to her period being late. I found myself reminding her that one actually has to have had sex recently to become pregnant. We've been living together, sexless, for over a year. FML
Today, my boyfriend finally told me after over two years together that the reason we only have sex once a month is because my stomach is, “off-putting”. FML
Today, after talking to a guy for a month, he finally came over and I totally thought sex with him was going to be amazing. Unfortunately, I did all the work and I didn’t even cum, but he did, then he had the nerves to ask me how it was. FML
Today, I knew micropenises existed, I just never expected I’d see one in person after spending weeks building my anticipation of losing my virginity, getting naked in front of him, then being presented with half a cocktail sausage. Even if we had sex I think I’d still be a virgin. FML
Today, the one time, THE ONE TIME, we ran out of condoms and had sex anyway, my girlfriend got pregnant, even though she’s on the pill. I didn’t even orgasm inside her, I had to do a Google search to learn that live sperm can emerge and go inside her even before I orgasm. We are so screwed. FML
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Top comments
Razz12901 11
so your saying in a whole year you never seen or touch his junk?? if you had then you would've known way before now, so the blames on you.
whatshername?! 39
Did you never see or touch his penis?
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Comments (5)
whatshername?! 39
Did you never see or touch his penis?
dasin 18
no pica or it didnt happen
RichardPencil 32
A pencil dick, huh? I thought those things didn't exist.
Gubbon 17
Evidently they do
Razz12901 11
so your saying in a whole year you never seen or touch his junk?? if you had then you would've known way before now, so the blames on you.
Gubbon 17
You "grinded"? And didn't realize he had orgasms? And you did it all unprotected? FYL for his size, but YDI just as much for the rest.
RichardPencil 32
"Grinded?" Shouldn't that be "ground?"