Today, I got into an accident in my girlfriend's car. While I was in the emergency room, crying from the pain, she reassured me, "don't worry, you can pay me for the damage in several installments if you need to." FML
Today, while working at my truck stop, I helped a trucker check his tires. He seemed like a pretty nice guy, and we chatted for a bit. After he took off and I walked back inside, I went to clean the shower he was in before. Turns out he took a shit on the floor. His wife had been in there with him. FML
Today, a man reminded me five times how much of a "nice guy" he was during our first conversation, saying also that I seem the sort to date the "bad guys" because I looked sweet and innocent. Then, without waiting for me to say something, he sighed and walked away, muttering that he always finished last. FML
Today, since moving to a state with relatively milder winters last year, my heating bill has more than doubled. I am now paying more to keep my new apartment at 62 when it is 20 outside, than what I was paying to keep my ancient apartment at 70 when it was minus 14 outside. FML
Today, I fell asleep on the couch and my boyfriend thought it would be cute to carry me to bed. He knocked my head on the door frame and I pretended it didn't hurt because he felt so bad, but I shouldn't have. I was rushed to the hospital hours later with a concussion. FML
Today, I have to use the same techniques to trick my 24-year-old husband into brushing his teeth, as I do my 2-year-old. FML
Today, I invited the guy I've been seeing for 5 months over. We got some chicken nuggets, but didn’t eat because he stripped my clothes off and we started having sex. Out of nowhere, he said, "I can’t do this!" and left. He took the chicken nuggets with him. FML
Today, I was accused of cheating on our math test, instantly granting me a perfect zero. How? I used the wrong formula on a problem, but ended up with the correct answer. FML
Today, I spent $300 just to find out my dog likes to drink a lot of water and then pee everywhere. FML
Morigyn tells us more.
Morigyn 9
This one's mine! Kind of weird to see it here. Anyway, the vet did several (pricey) tests to find out why my dog drinks so much and pees everywhere. The title pretty much nailed it, he's an asshole.
Today, I went to my best friend's house to propose to my girlfriend of 6 years. When I walked in, she was having sex with my best friend's 37-year-old brother. She then yelled, ”You should have knocked first!” FML
Today, I'm on opioids due to severe pelvic pain. Taking them makes me constipated and increases my pain, which leads to taking more painkillers. I can choose to be in agony and the possibility of pooping, or be in slightly less pain and completely bunged up. FML
Today, I went home with a guy I met at the bar. I warned him that I was on my period, but he said it was fine. Not only was the sex awful, I woke up to find that he'd smeared period blood on my face in the dark. FML
Today, I went on a coffee date. My date blew his nose on a discarded napkin, smoked half of my cigarettes despite "giving up", chewed tobacco at the table and casually invited a friend to join us. His friend spat out his tobacco and poured cough syrup into his coffee. I'll pass on a second date. FML
Vee94 tells us more.
OP here! (I didn't have an account when I submitted this..) Yeah this was a weird, uncomfortable experience for me. I've had dates which were boring or which I wasn't into (and vice versa) but there's nothing quite like watching someone fish out chewing tobacco from their gums and plonk it in a coffee cup while telling you that your eyes are pretty... This was a really nice, upmarket coffee shop and I cringed horribly when one of the servers came to take away the cup, wad of chewed up tobacco and snot-covered napkin and all. Shortly after the friend arrived and poured cough syrup into his espresso, I excused myself... and I declined the request for another meeting. But I still haven't gone back in that coffee shop. Nor have I been brave enough to go on any more dates.
Today, it was supposed to be my birthday dinner with two of my friends. They're both now bringing their boyfriends, so I get to be the fifth wheel to my own birthday dinner. FML
Today, my doctor ordered me an EKG to help my health anxiety. I have panic attacks and feel like my heart is out of rhythm, but my doctors have all told me it’s just in my head. I got the test results. I meet with the cardiologist next week to discuss surgery. FML
Today, I was at our hotel waiting for my husband to finish his shower so we could have our anniversary dinner, when hotel security forcefully removed me from the building because they do not allow "prostitutes" to look for clients on their property. They thought I was a hooker. FML
Today, it's my 18th birthday. As I moved out of home to study, and currently spend 95% of my wage on rent, I asked my mother for any amount of money as my gift. I desperately need new shoes and underwear, and haven't eaten for two days. Instead, I got a pair of earrings. FML
Today, my apartment was flooded due to a broken pipe, which caused a huge family of cockroaches to disperse. Did you know they can fly? FML
Today, I got in an argument with my wife. I told her that I feel like she immediately disagrees with anything I say. She immediately disagreed and said she never does that. FML
Today, my girlfriend found a teacher who taught her 10 years ago. He's a complete player, but she fell instantly and madly in love with him and kicked me to the curb. We dated for 3 years and lived together for two. I was fixing to propose in 2 weeks. FML
Today, I found out that we're supposed to get 3 feet of snow, and the person who plows our driveway is out of town. We're stranded on a huge hill. FML
Today, I came into work feeling good about myself and my upcoming plans. I left before noon with a box of my belongings and uncertainty about my future, having been suddenly laid off. FML
Today, my phone ran out of space, so I downloaded an app to store all my photos online. After everything transferred, I deleted the 1,000+ photos from my phone, along with the "recently deleted" file since it was also taking up space. The app is now empty of all "downloaded photos". FML
Today, I'm recovering from a urinary tract infection. The infection made me have to pee constantly. Now the antibiotics I'm taking for it are giving me the shits instead. FML
Today, I caught my 10 year-old in the closet, naked, on his hands and knees, eating cat food straight from the bag. He'd torn a hole in the side of the bag, cat food was everywhere. We have plenty of food in the house, but he wants to be a cat. FML
Today, I asked my girlfriend to prom. Instead of saying yes, she broke up with me. FML
Today, I heard my son use the word "exacerbated". I had to look it up to see if he had correctly used it, which he had, because I couldn't remember what it meant. I'll be 23 next week. He's not even 4. FML
Today, my boyfriend told me he was going away for the weekend to go clubbing with his mates. I would be fine with it, except the mates he's going with already tried to get him to cheat on me. FML
Today, I decided to surprise my crush by wishing her happy birthday when she came out of the lift. Too bad she was busy giving someone a blow job and didn’t notice me. FML
Today, I took my new boyfriend to my step-sister's wedding. He knew more people there than I did, including 3 bridesmaids he used to sleep with. FML
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