The Top

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New variant incoming

By Death to all Covidiots. - 02/02/2022 16:59

Today, some dumbass ripped my facemask off, spit in my face, and ran away. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 254

You deserved it 211

By Anonymous - 22/08/2019 22:00 - United States - Tucson

Today, I missed out on the chance of buying a great used car because my loan wasn't approved. Why wasn't it approved? Because the vehicle has +100k miles on it. I wish they would've told me that when I applied for the loan. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 441

You deserved it 334

By KBO - 08/06/2009 06:54 - Australia

Today, I woke up hungover and thirsty, I found a glass of water next to the sink, filled it up with more water, chugged it and went back to bed. I woke up an hour later to my best friend telling me she thought she lost her contacts. They were in a glass next to the sink. I ate her contacts. FML

I agree, your life sucks 33 080

You deserved it 43 471

Get on with it

By Anonymous - 03/11/2014 18:03 - Poland - Warsaw

Today, I told my boss I'm going to quit, after months of being abused, doing meaningless work, and working late every day. I was soon given so many new projects that I didn't even have time to write my resignation letter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 889

You deserved it 5 925

When it's cold outside

By Lewis - 12/12/2018 18:00

It's duck cold!

I agree, your life sucks 255

You deserved it 63

Zoomers

By Anonymous - 16/11/2020 11:01

Today, as I was at work as a gynecologist, a twelve-year-old girl asked me, on a scale of 1-10, how tight her "fun stuff" was. This is the new generation. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 462

You deserved it 118

Don't snoop

By Anonymous - 19/09/2024 20:00 - United States

Today, I thought that my husband and I were going to work things out, since we’ve been having sex every night. I snooped into his emails today while he was at work, only to see that he’s started the divorce process without telling me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 504

You deserved it 316

Thanks, hun

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, at work, one of my 6 year-old students, who has had intense speech therapy since kindergarten, told me, "I can tell you're hot, because you rolled your sleeves up." I was very pleased with his articulate sentence, until he said, "Your arms are hairy." FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 685

You deserved it 4 462

By mannnnn2717 - 20/12/2009 22:41 - Australia

Today, I finally got around to writing my Christmas cards. After finishing, I realized I had written "Happy Birthday" instead of "Merry Christmas" on every single one. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 831

You deserved it 38 535

By Anonymous - 23/10/2014 01:33 - Australia - Liverpool

Today, early in the morning, I got a knock on the door from the police. It seems my son and his friend had been caught throwing toilet paper at a neighbour's house. He's 23. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 008

You deserved it 4 146

By FUCK - 22/07/2013 18:29 - United States - Chicago

Today, I won an award for Employee of the Month. Shocked, I asked my boss if he'd gotten my name mixed up or something. He had. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 329

You deserved it 10 893

By GetMeTheDamnBleach - 21/10/2014 19:46 - Ireland - Dublin

Today, I smashed a spider with my pencil eraser. Later, I absentmindedly chewed on it while doing my homework. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 524

You deserved it 32 185

Yeetus

By Anonymous - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, I went to the doctor's office for a minor cold, and left with a diagnosis of pregnancy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 862

You deserved it 15 625

By PulledOver - 01/06/2009 05:10 - United States

Today, I pulled up to the stoplight near my house. It was dark with no traffic and the car behind me kept edging closer and closer to me. I finally got fed up with waiting and the car and ran it. In fact, it was a cop and he was trying to read my license plate because the back light was out. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 979

You deserved it 54 850

By Anonymous - 19/07/2013 20:57 - Korea, Republic of - Seoul

Today, ten minutes into a blind date, my date said, "I don't mean to be rude, but... your face? It's the reason booze was invented." FML

I agree, your life sucks 57 835

You deserved it 4 829

All in the family

By Anonymous - 04/12/2020 02:02

Today, I found out my boyfriend of a year is actually my cousin. Thanks, Mom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 026

You deserved it 120

Childlike wonder

By Whatever - 18/02/2022 05:59 - United States - Ronkonkoma

Today, my male coworker, who is 15 years my senior, booped me on the nose. I'm 46 years-old. FML

I agree, your life sucks 824

You deserved it 156

By Mandy - 17/09/2011 00:25 - Canada

Today, my family came to see me in my first acting role in Romeo and Juliet. It all went reasonably well for the first half hour or so, after which my seemingly shitfaced aunt started heckling and saying, "That's what she said" after every line, before eventually being thrown out by security. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 836

You deserved it 2 445

By Anonymous - 16/12/2009 06:15 - United States

Today, my ex-boyfriend, who I have been trying to get back together with, texted me. He asked me how life was going, he then asked me if I had the naked picture of him saved on my phone. I asked him why. He replied that he wanted to send it to his crush. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 193

You deserved it 4 686

Delusional

By eyeroll - 26/02/2022 18:00

Today, my sister has been going on and on about how sexy her new doctor is. She’s been plotting to fake an illness just to see him again. When I explained that doctors are professionals and even if he were interested it would be unethical for him to say so, she called me a fat, jealous loser. FML

I agree, your life sucks 987

You deserved it 152

By Anonymous - 08/08/2012 17:15 - United States - Chagrin Falls

Today, it's my girlfriend's birthday. To celebrate, I spent the day with her and then took her out to a really nice dinner. She is currently giving me the silent treatment because I didn't write "Happy Birthday" on her Facebook wall. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 423

You deserved it 4 283

Let it out

By MrTandy - 16/09/2011 02:38 - United States

Today, I was working when I delivered the standard "Hello, how are you?" to a customer. He took the opportunity to tell me about his deceased wife, his estranged children, and his anal tearing. After a while, I tried to help someone else, and he complained to my manager. I was written up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 710

You deserved it 3 718

By Anonymous - 16/07/2013 04:41 - United States

Today, as I was about to enter a public restroom, a man walked out and said, "You may want to hold your nose in there. I just took the biggest dump of my life." It was the ladies' restroom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 215

You deserved it 3 377

Stressed out

By Jocelyn - 18/02/2019 12:00

Today, I got stressed and well, let's just say I got carried away, pulled off most of my eyelashes on one eye, and now I have to find falsies that look real. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 288

You deserved it 1 809

By dumbteacher - 22/11/2010 14:47

Today, my English teacher told me that I failed my grammar test. Her exact words were "You ain't gonna pass this class if you ain't gonna study." FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 707

You deserved it 7 567

It's not what you think

By Anonymous - 21/02/2022 06:00 - United States

Today, I was delivering food for GrubHub. I spilled a tiny portion of the customer’s lemonade. It was not enough to notice any was missing, but enough to notice. The customer was an attractive guy, who thought I peed my pants. FML

I agree, your life sucks 877

You deserved it 169

Alexa, play "Isolation" by Joy Division

By lonely - 19/05/2023 18:00

Today, I realized my best friend has turned into a penpal, as we never see each other, and only text about once a month. She was my only friend outside of family, and now I feel crushingly lonely. FML

I agree, your life sucks 760

You deserved it 122

Badass

By Anonymous - 14/10/2024 09:00 - United Kingdom

Today, I taught my daughter to tell a teacher if she was being bullied. My husband however taught her teachers are useless, and if you punch bullies in the balls really hard, they will bend forwards which puts them in a good position for an uppercut that will knock out teeth. The school is furious. FML

I agree, your life sucks 455

You deserved it 208

Hot tub

By Anonymous - 03/08/2012 08:21 - United States - Montebello

Today, my soon-to-be stepson, 13, decided that he and I needed to spend "more quality time" together. His idea? We should start "bonding" by taking a bath together. When I said no, he told me I was being unfair, and that if I really loved him, I'd do it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 35 116

You deserved it 2 695

By Anonymous - 11/09/2011 19:16 - United Kingdom

Today, I had to clean up after the kid who discovered he could finger paint with his poo. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 271

You deserved it 3 188

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The Top

Today, my drunk husband came home, got into bed, and started humping the body pillow. He ended up whining about how I hadn't come yet, then angrily slurred that I must be cheating on him. All I could do was stay quiet and wonder how the idiot even made it home alive. FML

I agree, your life sucks 56 951

You deserved it 4 896

Today, while in bed, I tried to explain how overworked and unappreciated I feel doing all the housework to my fiancé. It was only when I'd finished my long rant that I realized he had been asleep almost the whole time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 867

You deserved it 6 939

Today, I’m in love with a man, but he has a girlfriend. We have literally talked everyday for almost a year. He tells me he loves me and wants to marry me, but when I asked him if he wanted to marry his girlfriend, he responded, “I’m not sure…” I just want to be with him, and I feel stupid for it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 290

You deserved it 1 327

Today, I told my fiancé that I don’t believe in God, so I won’t be going to church anymore because I’ll be picking up the Sunday shift at work. I don’t have a fiancé anymore because I’m, “a godless heathen who will burn for eternity.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 456

You deserved it 571

Today, my wife yelled at me for not helping her rearrange the furniture. I have a sprained shoulder and have been ordered by my doctor to avoid heavy lifting. She said, "Move the couch or sleep on it." FML

I agree, your life sucks 600

You deserved it 99

Today, the self-checkout machine at the grocery store kept yelling, “PLEASE PLACE ITEM IN BAGGING AREA” while I frantically tried to scan everything. An employee came over and said a bit too loudly, “Ma’am, you have to scan the condoms before bagging them.” Of course there were people around to giggle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 155

You deserved it 433