Today, I had had sex while sober for the first time in years. It was really awkward, bumpy, and I kept on apologizing for being so terrible. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I realized I've never had sex with someone who was sober at the time. FML
Today, I had sex for the first time in months. His apology took longer than the sex did. FML
Today, I finally had sex with the man with whom I've been in love for months. Too bad I was too drunk to remember a thing. FML
Today, after a month's-long dry spell, my wife and I finally had sex. It was awkward and terrible, neither of us finished, and she muttered, "I don't know why I missed that" after we gave up. FML
Today, I realized I have erectile dysfunction while drunk, and premature ejaculation while sober. FML
Today, my girlfriend came home and spontaneously wanted to have sex for the first time in about a year. I'm a recovering alcoholic, and had just came from an AA meeting. She reeked of alcohol, I couldn't get hard because of it, and she got pissed at me. She says she won't be spontaneous again. FML
Today, I had sex with someone new for the first time after my 10 year relationship ended. The person was a friend who had been making serious sexual references toward me on and off over the year I've known him. I don't know if I'm more embarrassed that he couldn't keep it up, or that I came from anticipation anyways. FML
Today, I was having sex with my girlfriend. I finished too quickly and apologized. She said she was used to it by now. FML
Today, I finally decided to sleep with my boyfriend. It was my first time and I was really nervous so when he was being all romantic with candles and wine I went a bit overboard and drank too much. I passed out. I woke up a few hours later, still a virgin, and in a puddle of my own piss. FML
Today, I had sex. The guy texted me an hour later, saying, "That was awkward. Let's not do that again." FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
You're just as terrible when you're drunk, but don't have the manners to apologize for how crappy your sex game is.
Sinshine 28
You would probably be less terrible if you didn't apologize over and over.
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Comments (10)
Aiden89 23
Canadian, eh?
Sinshine 28
You would probably be less terrible if you didn't apologize over and over.
TrashlifeKaylala 12
Some people are just sexually awkward. No shame. If they finish it doesnt matter lol
WeirdUS 30
Except it can kill the mood and prevent many from wanting to do it again. lol if you are that clumsy chances are it stopped quick/and or they didn't cum. Being that awkward isn't generally cute in the bedroom and not sexy.
RichardPencil 32
You're just as terrible when you're drunk, but don't have the manners to apologize for how crappy your sex game is.
CRC_101 31
Cheer up. You shouldn't feel so self-conscious. You were very likely more bumpy and awkward before you were sober. You were just too inebriated to notice or care. Good on the girl for having a better time - just hold off on the apologizing repeatedly. That can make things more awkward.
WeirdUS 30
Um.. the fact you need to be high or drunk to have sex is also a problem. If you were that bad sober imagine what you were like otherwise? Not looking good no matter what.
DrSamba 7
Just keep practicing and congratulations on your sobriety.
Nhayaa 21
Yeah, men always think they're some god of sex when they're drunk. Truth is brutal.
Matt Richard Conklin 6
I might have something to putb you back ontop!