Today, I put the vacuum cleaner hose against my neck to give me a hickey, so that it would look like I got some action. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boyfriend came over with a hickey on his neck. He thinks "The vacuum did it" is a believable excuse. FML
Today, my friends decided it would be funny to give me a "hickey" with a vacuum cleaner while I was passed out drunk. Not only do I have to try and explain this to my girlfriend, but we're meeting her parents for lunch this afternoon. FML
Today, my boyfriend keeps trying to convince me that the hickey on his neck was from his friend attacking him with a vacuum cleaner. FML
Today, my boyfriend gave me a hickey. On my forehead. FML
Today, I gave myself a hickey on my bicep just to know how it feels. I'm a 28-year-old virgin and yes, that's possible. FML
Today, I got to my human anatomy class with a hickey on my neck. Since I sit in the front row, my professor noticed and decided to call me to the front. He then started talking about ruptured blood vessels and hickeys, all while as I served as the subject. FML
Today, I saw my girlfriend for the first time in weeks. She had a hickey. FML
Today, I wrote a fake phone number on my neck to make it look like someone had hit on me. FML
Today, I got back at my boyfriend for sticking the hoover nozzle in my mouth as a prank by doing the exact same thing to him. Unfortunately, it must have burst a blood vessel in his lip because it swelled right up and his entire lower jaw on the right side is just one massive bruise. FML
Today, my mom noticed the hickey that I have on my neck. Embarrassed, I tried convincing her that I burnt myself using a hair straightener. She then told me that that's the same excuse she told my grandma when she got a hickey. FML
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Top comments
milakitty21 0
who were you trying to impress?
srunano 4
Stop playing with your vacuum hose and go to a club or a party....then maybe you can get laid
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Comments (195)
joetellsitlikeit 0
ha.
tpea 1
I always wondered why people actually posted these kind of embarrassing stories... I'd never have the courage to post this up $:
Raleigh_bruh 7
It's anonymous though, so we wouldn't know it was you that posted this story. Unless of course you came on and commented on the Fml. :P
nater535 7
.... Wow that is sorta sad. I would never put that on a public site lol. Fyl.
hghiPigh 0
ydi for not being original. this was done by bud bundy.
rainbowhobos 4
LOL, wasn't this mentioned in an episode of George Lopez?
krissytina 6
That's just pathetic....that's what drunken one night stands are for
VeryNice329 0
25: you aren't original either. I already mentioned Bud. :P
Blue_Coconuts 7
Yeah, but who wants a hickey? If a girl gives me one, then I get mad.
rosemary1990 0
not fml worthy. instead of publishing this you should go out and get some action
melsaraj 9
bullshit, this is fake. even if you didn't have any action u wouldn't have just realized it and written an fml. this is someone writing about someone else. I call fake
Asstazztic 8
Double retard
cbr600_fml 0
Op just go to a club or party they r full of ***** u will get laid if u do
doorfloor 0
go out some more
pvthill 0
damn I thought it was bad that I was a virgin till I was 16 fyl op Someone lay this guy
281go 4
I say don't get out some more...... I say invite the toaster,broom, and some more of the vacuums friends and see if you get more action from them.......
pvthill 0
haha scarey movie makin fun of scream wats that guys name with the vaccum cleaner....I'M CLEANING MY ROOM!!!!!!
jeremy418 0
wow you need to get laid well join the party but do something about it go on chat sites where I go or clubs etc .... that's what I do and it works but that unless you look bad or something no offense ... if you have an iPhone just get looty mix lol I think I spelled the crap right :)
jeremy418 0
loopt mix **** I got others like who's around,who's here,what's good etc... ect.... :)
jeremy418 0
ops I meant etc lol damn iPhone :D
hghiPigh 0
42: my comment appears before yours. fyl
WingsFan80 4
it's special officer doofy lol
andruha1123 5
this fml = my life
Shookitup 0
Today, I walked in on my son giving himself a hickey with the vaccum hose. he's 23 and still lives at home. FML.
atticuz 2
Kirby vacuums are powerful just sayin'
VeryNice329 0
83: only because you cheated. so ::raspberry:: yea...I went there. :)
chadb1520 0
officer dewey
comatoast 0
that's what ****** are for buddy!
shmexi 0
ohh. I got a real hickey last night(; be jealous(;
treesdevin 0
you gotta be ****** kidding me, that's pathetic
hghiPigh 0
89: stay there and don't come back
msyelowbubblegum 0
hahah u got this idea from fez ;) right?
OhWowFYLindeed 0
I try to avoid hickeys, they look pretty unattractive.
heyygirll 0
stfu faggggot u an ugly niggeerrr
fruitaypatootay 1
haha you would know ;)
comedychick 1
wooooow desperate..that's sad..like..daamn
kinukle 0
you sir suck assa
schnitzel5 0
don't disturb me while I'm cleaning my room!!!
S0_Fricken_CUtE 0
16! wow. now i want a girlfriend who would actually do something with me instead of going to fricken starbucks everyweek.
S0_Fricken_CUtE 0
what's so special about a hickey. And the kid who lost his virginity at 16 that's pretty early. but I lost it last week . I'm 15. man I love my life now I feel accomplished
kimchicka 0
ew. hickies are gross!
kimchicka 0
ew. hickies are gross!
jenknee1989 0
hahaha wot a loser
pinkdancer 0
66 i LOVE your tattoo. there's nothing hotter than a guy with a tat that's original instead of one that ******* looks like it was picked off of the "worlds top 100 most popular tattoos" list... ;)
S0_Fricken_CUtE 0
for those of u sayin hickeys are retarded in my highschool it shows that ur not a loser and can get a hickey. op is obviously in middle shool or highschool
Breeee23 0
21,,, Ur Hot.. ffm is Breeee23 hmu
Breeee23 0
21 ur sexy
schnitzel5 0
shup ho
schnitzel5 0
183 yes I meant you
srunano 4
Stop playing with your vacuum hose and go to a club or a party....then maybe you can get laid
Daerauko 0
yeah, stop bitching and go out and take risks! meet people! it's not as hard as you "losers" (people who are in such selfpity or afraid to take a chance by talking to people) seem to imagine it
serbodude 0
yeah dude! put ur beer googles on and get some action!
sexybitch92 0
hmm.. go get some its really not that hard.
milakitty21 0
who were you trying to impress?
Raleigh_bruh 7
^ This. Exactly what I was thinking. I never knew anyone even cared about hickeys anyway.
L_M_L_10 0
Maybe, only if you are in middle school??? Otherwise no one thinks hickeys are cool. Personally I think they are trashy!
sean616 3
was doing that really necessary?
AliceSaysFYL 0
Sad.
S0_Fricken_CUtE 0
I feel ya bro :(
the_flirtt 0
wow 40 year old virgin alert
Freeze_fml 17
23*
srunano 4
Since when is 23 = to 40?? (O_o)??
the_flirtt 0
I'm speaking for the future
FFML_314 12
OMFG, you're psychic? Me next! Me next! *crosses fingers and hopes for a gold toilet.*
the_flirtt 0
haha no I'm not sry :(
Daerauko 0
lol no gold toilet for you. theflirt will grant you the same style shower
FFML_314 12
What kind of person are you? You can't say you "speak for the future" then turn around and say you're not psychic. Tsk Tsk.
the_flirtt 0
I was making a guess
FFML_314 12
You're not picking up on my sarcasm.
the_flirtt 0
no I am it's just fun to play with u ^_^
FFML_314 12
I'm not a very good playground. Everythings rusted up and broken down. Moving on.
silvervolt7 0
oh i get it thats why his name is the flirt OP quickly come learn
te_amo_ily 0
ahha
silvervolt7 0
looks like someone needs some oiling ;)
Raleigh_bruh 7
^ Aha, #47. :]
MarkFeehily 0
43, if things are "rusted" and "broken down", you might wanna get that checked :P
the_flirtt 0
haha wow 47
FFML_314 12
No, it's to late for all that. I was talking about my actual playground and the_flirtt is a very horrible flirt. Lol, no offense.
te_amo_ily 0
I don't get number 47...
FFML_314 12
When things are rusted, people use oil to loosen it up.
te_amo_ily 0
oohhkk.
_streets_ 19
haha 47= win ^_^
spikelea 0
47: that was exactly what I was thinking.
S0_Fricken_CUtE 0
I can't help it but I'm attracted to streets. Dreams of better times*
G_babyyy 0
oh how pathetic get over it if getting some action is so important to you then go pursue it OP.
transcedental 18
oh come on all, stop being so mean :/ I am sorry man, this really sounds sad .. I wish u a gal, that would appreciate u for who you are as soon as possible
Desperation 0
I second that.
jade567 0
33- you and your kitten are adorable. Mostly you though. ^_^
VeryNice329 0
I thought of Married With Children as soon as I read this. Bud did the same thing and Kelly caught him.
sk8trzero53 0
fyl op for being anti social, and ydi for trying to fake it :/