Today, my 20-year-old came whining to me, asking why his job interviews keep going so poorly. I had to delicately explain that the "PIMP SLAP" tattoo he had put on his right hand recently may have something to do with it. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boss asked me if I know anything about those tattoos that girl put on their lower backs. "You mean Tramp Stamps?" I responded. He looked at me with hatred in his eyes and said that his 18 year old daughter just got one. FML
Today, I realized that the "holla" tattoo I stupidly got on my lower lip five years ago isn't fading as I expected it to, and will probably contribute to my unemployment for years to come. FML
Today, I went on a job interview. The interviewer said it all went well, but he can't hire me because I've got a nose piercing, and that type of "image" isn't the kind they're looking for in their employees. This is the guy who had a full sleeve tattoo. FML
Today, my dad found out I got a tattoo behind his back and is really really upset. When I got home from work my car wasn't in the driveway. When I asked my dad where it was, he replied "you'll get it back when your tattoo comes off." FML
Today, my son came home for the fifth time saying he didn't get the job, wondering what he did wrong. I looked at his resumé; under special skills was, "Keeping it real." Apparently he saw it in a movie and thought it would work. FML
Today, I went in to see my piercer. He took one look at my piercing I got a few months ago and laughed saying "What a shit job, I'm sorry but that's pretty crappy because it's not even straight!" I then had to awkwardly explain it was indeed him who had pierced me. FML
Today, my 18-year-old son got his first tattoo. I would have loved it, if it wasn't a text on his hand with a glaring spelling mistake in it. FML
Today, despite my warnings and knowing I hate them, my wife got a trashy tattoo of an eye on her ankle, like she’s Count Olaf. How is she going to get a job with that thing? FML
Today, I got a tattoo with my boyfriend's name on it. As we're coworkers, I showed it to him thinking he’d love it. He told me he couldn’t continue the relationship anymore since he realized he wants to fix things with his wife. Three hours of pain and 2 years down the drain. FML
Today, I went for a job interview and was rejected for having a 'visible' tattoo. It's white ink, so you can't see it unless you look super closely. The only reason they knew about it was because I was honest and mentioned it when asked if I had any tattoos. I guess honesty is not the best policy. FML
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Top comments
Pleonasm 36
He has the right mindset: Life's a bitch, be it's pimp. I'd say that shows great life motivation and perseverance in front of challenges, don't see why he wasn't taken.
howdeedoo 22
OP, I've gotta say, your son is a dumbass
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Comments (71)
Pleonasm 36
He has the right mindset: Life's a bitch, be it's pimp. I'd say that shows great life motivation and perseverance in front of challenges, don't see why he wasn't taken.
Mercified 4
Of all the things to tattoo.. What a saint.
jarrettd 27
Everything mercified says, i imagine in jokers voice.
howdeedoo 22
OP, I've gotta say, your son is a dumbass
ThePK 5
Well, that one day when he gets an interview with a left-handed person, he will be safe. Some might say that that job was his destiny.
natsaysheyyy 16
OP, it's kind of your fault too if you did not force him to get that tattoo removed the second you saw it. I would pretty much skin my kid if he came home with that.
jetsown08 21
And that's when you say the pimp's prayer and backhand him for being an idiot.
perdix 31
After you pointed this out, did he pimp slap you?
octopussperm125 18
Pimp hand stayin' strong!
marxistbkly 3
Having a pimp hand tat is appropriate if he's applying for a job as a pimp, hustla, balla, playa, or mack, although it will give them hoes a warning about which hand to watch out for.
onerandomtask 14
tattoos are fine but you gotta get them where if you are dressed professionally they aren't being shown.
akiahara 14
Or get something tasteful...
alycion 39
Even tasteful tattoos offend some people or give them bad first impressions, as stupid as it can be. There are other ways to cover them up such as makeup, which should be thought about when deciding to get one in an always visible area. You never know when you may need to cover it up.
KareBear7364 5
well isn't he a smart cookie...
Imhere4fml 24
A cookie that nobody wants.
Steve95401 49
It's rough out there for a pimp.
perdix 31
#9, close! Y'know it's hard out here for a pimp When he's tryin to get the money for the rent.
meso222 8
In hollywood they say there's no business like show business.. In the hood they say there's no biniss like hoe biniss.
sig4life 18
Obviously his hoe bisniss is down. He needs to find better hoes.
Chanti_fml 26
Maybe he should think about a career switch? The one I'm thinking about is writing all over him.
ironichalibut 24
He might as well have tattooed a list of every one of his bad qualities and poor decisions on his forehead. I'm not saying everyone who gets a tattoo makes poor decisions, but when you get a distasteful one on your hand? There is a culture to tattoos, and as such there can be a place for them in civilized society. A lot of people trivialize what should be a passage of rite, the tattoo should mark a milestone of your life or embody an accomplishment.
russfml 31
You never know, maybe he mastered his pimp slap ability, quite the milestone lol.
ironichalibut 24
LEVEL UP!!! PIMP-SLAP UNLOCKED!!!
Zebediabolical 45
*rite of passage