Today, I was brushing my teeth. As I bent down to spit my mouthful of toothpaste into the sink, my cat decided it would be a good time to stick his head right where I was spitting. I spat a huge glob of toothpaste on his head. He then shook it off all over me and the walls. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I discovered my cat frequently licks my toothbrush. FML
Today, I blew a huge gum bubble. My cat was on my lap and decided to shove her face in the bubble. There's gum all over her, and I still have scars from the last time I tried bathe her. FML
Today, my cat was in the bathroom with me. I was getting undressed to get into the shower. My cat looked at me after I'd undressed and then threw up all over the rug. FML
Today, while brushing my teeth, I applied the toothpaste to my toothbrush when a few bristles got caught on the lip of the tube and flung a glob of toothpaste into my eye. My eye is now bloodshot, but at least it's minty fresh. FML
Today, while brushing my teeth I noticed a hair in the sink. Running the scenario over in my mind, I was going to simultaneously spit into the sink and throw the hair on the floor. Creating a big ball of phlegm, I threw the hair back into the sink and launched a huge mouthful onto the floor. FML
Today, my cat looked like it was about to puke, so I put him outside. Unhappy with the situation, he leaped on to the kitchen window ledge and squeezed in through the open window, only to projectile-vomit mid-leap all over the kitchen counter. I found a hairball in the butter. FML
Today, my boyfriend and I tried to give his cat medicine. Unfortunately, it reacted in a way it never had before: clawed his arms to bits, bit him so hard a tooth fell out, peed everywhere, including on me, and pooped on the carpet. FML
Today, I gave my cat a little kiss on the head. Just as I was about to tell him I love him, he sneezed directly into my face. It's been two hours and I still can't get the taste of cat snot out of my mouth. I probably need to get a life. FML
Today, I got into bed as my cat crept under it. I then heard him gagging, so I instantly got back up to get him out, because my floor is carpeted. As I pulled him into the hall, he flew upwards, made a horrific "Blagh!" sound, projectile vomited everywhere, then hit the wall and ran. FML
Today, I replaced my bedsheets with new, clean ones. I went to the bathroom to wash up, and when I came back, my cat had peed exactly where my head would be. FML
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Top comments
dolphincheddar 10
some people don't like it when u spit on their pussy
Jayymz24 0
look at it this way. at least your teeth are clean, your cats head is clean, and your walls are minty fresh :D
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Comments (143)
missy_lynn012 0
Comment moderated for rule-breaking.
sounds like a CATastrophe
deadpool91 0
that's Friday the 13th for ya
DuRpY 5
....*scratches head*....OH! I got it haha...because it involved a cat, and you said "CATastrophe." Good one!
ijrnelson 0
niiiicccceee
LaughterofCorn 4
*facepalm
dolphincheddar 10
some people don't like it when u spit on their pussy
benji5399 0
nice!!!
b3lla_fml 0
I think the cat should be the one saying fml lol
sterlingarcher 1
ahaha CATastrophe that's awesome :))
freakincage 0
hahaha goodone
Tsunami87 17
hahahaa
sterlingarcher 1
hahahahahahahahaha
LolMoqz 10
i see what you did there! :3
staceysgenesis16 0
ohh i see what you did there. thats fantastic. lol.
saaaalt 4
Dude! did you have to say 'glob'? that just makes everything 10x worse >.
TookaWooka666 0
OP is going to wake up one day with his cat sitting on him, claws out with blood seeping from his neck, or he is just going to step in cat shit.
BigJay13 0
best comment here.
archava 0
no
dawlpop 0
HA
lextheplex 0
Awwww animal abuse.. lol
vyben 3
Yup sounds like he did it on purpose :p
sterlingarcher 1
haha yeah I'm sure it was on purpose.. lol
ashseal 11
it wasn't on purpose so it wasn't technically animal abuse.
sterlingarcher 1
well duh..
ashseal 11
Um there was no need for that...obviously she didnt know so I was explaining to her.
sterlingarcher 1
she was probably making a joke lol stop taking things so seriously
ashseal 11
well stop attacking people.
ashseal 11
dammit. I didn't mean to post that :( sorryyy.!
sterlingarcher 1
it's ok.. lol :))
ashseal 11
yayy :) your right though. sorry about having an attitude.
sterlingarcher 1
it's ok... I'm not mad :)).. you seem nice
princessRiRi97 0
90 and 87 im happy there was a happy ending to your never ending comments to each other this isn't a facebook chat go talk about humping each other somewhere else FML for reading that whole back to back conversation.
sterlingarcher 1
100 why don't you stfu?? we weren't talking about humping each other and your just jealous of our awesome conversation..
ashseal 11
^^ exactly. stay outta our convo. gosh.
sterlingarcher 1
104.. thanks :))).. but this is probably gonna get deleted so if u wanna talk message me or something lol
ashseal 11
Kay I'm on the app though so I'll have to later haha
Hotlanta 5
just toothpaste, there is worse things it could have been
whoisthisgirl 4
lol yeah sounds like something I kitty would do :P
instnt1nfction 17
*a learn your grammar fool
KiddNYC1O 22
^ Grammar? It was simply a typo.
Omgpwned1234 0
So you have a pic of a bear humping a human... and hes the fool? get a reality check foo.
andres19 0
the cat orchestrated the whole thing
skidoo800HO 2
Cats are retarded animals
pxndiieinsanity 6
Your face is a retarded animal.
rawrchikarawr 0
Lol(:
DocBastard 40
Inb4 "spitting on the pussy". Just trying to avert that disaster.
dolphincheddar 10
you got me -_-
FreebirdIII 1
You spit on his head,
FreebirdIII 1
I did not finish this one freaking lock up! FML
j_cat187 20
aparrently
plebeianFelix 5
you really don't need an entire mouthful of toothpaste to get your teethbrush (sic) on.
Jayymz24 0
look at it this way. at least your teeth are clean, your cats head is clean, and your walls are minty fresh :D
missy_lynn012 0
glass half full kind of guy.
i_love_grrr 0
i like the way you think lol
staceysgenesis16 0
ahaha , nice thinking. glass half full.
Jayymz24 0
always try to look at the positive side :D
BigJay13 0
You definitely have a point !
staceysgenesis16 0
positive side is the best side ;D
bigbisawesome 0
hahahaha ur cute lol