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Great mom you got there

By Anonymous - 13/02/2021 05:01

Today, I felt an intense pain in my abdomen, so my mom drove me to the hospital. When we were in the waiting room, she rudely said, "It's probably an STD since you're such a slut." And then she left me there. It was a kidney infection. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 178

You deserved it 180

By Grounded - 17/11/2009 03:47 - Australia

Today, I started my first day as a security guard. After spending three years and $30,000 to become a commercial pilot, only to be told on my yearly medical that I suddenly have type 1 diabetes, and will never fly again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 205

You deserved it 2 221

Yaphukwit tells us more.

Yaphukwit 0

Wednesday 18 November 2009 1:34

Op here, Definatly not a fake, as other posters have said, Type 1 is not exclusive to juveniles. I am 24. I had the symptoms for a few weeks (thirst, tiredness, etc.) but was only diagnosed when i went for my comm pilots medical and they detected it there. And instead of college i chose flight training. So as much as i would love to move to the states, finding a job and someone to sponsor me would be difficult.

By Anonymous - 28/05/2013 23:01 - United States - El Paso

Today, while at the beach, my son needed to pee. I told him to pee in the ocean. He took off his pants and peed from the beach to the water. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 538

You deserved it 48 307

By Anonymous - 13/10/2010 04:12 - Australia

Today, I started a new job. The supervisor handed me a badge with the name 'Rachel' on it, which is not my name. When I told her this, she responded with, "I know, but it will be easier for the customers to pronounce than your actual name." FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 602

You deserved it 3 868

By WasntWorthIt - 30/07/2014 17:04 - United States - Concord

Today, my husband thought it would be romantic to pick me up and fall on the bed with me while we were kissing. Our faces smashed together as we hit the bed, and my tongue is still bleeding on and off. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 777

You deserved it 5 890

By creeped out - 12/06/2012 18:28 - United States - Smithtown

Today, my identical twin sister's boyfriend walked over to me, and whispered in my ear, "I know what you look like naked." FML

I agree, your life sucks 47 954

You deserved it 4 489

Manly man

By thelistman - 13/11/2009 19:04 - United States

Today, my girlfriend made me shave my chest. Afterwards, she said I looked like I was 12. She won't have sex with me until it grows back. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 449

You deserved it 5 154

By Anonymous - 13/06/2019 00:30

Today, we went to a nice place by a river to have a BBQ. Someone then asked if we could move the fireplace somewhere else, so we went to check another spot. We came back to find a dog had eaten all the meat we'd brought. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 527

You deserved it 906

By JBK06262009 - 12/11/2009 21:40 - United States

Today, I was informed by my boss that he has been stealing quarters out of my change bowl to pay for his bus rides. He makes six times the amount I make. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 147

You deserved it 2 447

Stay in your lane

By Kittykatkrunch - 12/11/2009 05:09 - Australia

Today, I found out my boyfriend was crushing on his best friend. When I found out, I asked him about it. He replied, "Don't worry, she's perfect and is way too good for me." FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 781

You deserved it 3 086

Asshat

By Julissa - 25/02/2021 00:30

Today, I got a call from my husband, saying that he wants a divorce, he’s been seeing his colleague and that she’s more compatible to him. I’ve just given birth to out first child. He told me, "Aww, good luck with that." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 964

You deserved it 125

By Anonymous - 22/05/2013 05:38 - United States - Livingston

Today, due to my allergies I can't stop sneezing. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for my hemorrhoids making each sneeze feel like I'm getting a cactus shoved up my ass. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 219

You deserved it 3 869

By and the truth comes out - 22/07/2014 08:44 - Canada - Courtenay

Today, my boyfriend reckoned that he has a better sleep when he falls asleep with his hand on either my boobs or my ass. I kind of just laughed it off. I later discovered he's 100% correct when he put his hand on my butt, and not five minutes later was snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 45 987

You deserved it 7 650

Brat

By BagelShmear - This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff - United States

Today, while working the cash register at my job, a little kid was running around with products while his mom was checking out. She told him she was going to give me his PSP if he didn't stop. He responded by throwing a bag of coffee beans at my face. I didn't even get to keep his PSP. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 598

You deserved it 4 349

By Fykkhttdsetkkhvln - 26/04/2009 16:45 - United States

Today, I was snuggling with my neighbors four week old kitten while babysitting their kids. I fell asleep, rolled over, and woke up next to a dead kitten. FML

I agree, your life sucks 77 832

You deserved it 58 194

It was for research purposes

By Anonymous - 17/04/2022 14:00

Today, I was at work and was in a conversation with some colleagues. I go to check my phone and accidentally clicked on the Safari app. Safari still had PornHub pulled up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 263

You deserved it 1 436

By Jonas - 06/06/2012 05:00 - United States - Wimberley

Today, I realized my paranoia is really bad when I saw my coworker holding a knife and immediately began thinking of ways to keep him from stabbing me. I work in a restaurant kitchen. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 407

You deserved it 4 231

Malfunction! Malfunction!

By mikuxxhatsune - 04/06/2017 18:00 - Australia - Greystanes

Today, I was the organist for a wedding. I had practiced for weeks, rehearsed with the choir many times and spent hours stressing. During the wedding march, the electric organ malfunctioned, adding on layers of random notes I didn't play. Guess who got yelled at afterwards. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 610

You deserved it 290

Stormy weather

By Waterboy - 23/04/2022 02:00

Today, I was working at a water park when a storm broke out began. We don’t issue refunds due to bad weather, which made a gentleman very upset. As I explained the policy, explainging it was an “Act of God,” he said, “I’m an Athiest, asshole!” then spat in my face and stormed off. I don’t get paid enough for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 297

You deserved it 248

By kelsjenks - 27/07/2011 13:50 - Canada

Today, some ballbag broke into my house just to take my broom. FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 723

You deserved it 3 082

Romantic

By Anonymous - 23/04/2009 23:43 - United States

Today, I was meeting my girlfriend at the airport after studying abroad for a year. She ran to hug me, and I wanted to pick her up and spin her around, like they do in those romantic movies. I tried to do that, but instead I dropped her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 842

You deserved it 54 362

By Anonymous - 05/07/2019 22:00

Today, the speaker I ordered from the distant country of America arrived. This is after it was held up by local customs, who demanded I pay no small amount for the import duty. Upon unboxing, I found out it was actually made in my own country. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 725

You deserved it 339

Dreams can come true

By Anonymous - 19/09/2015 02:08 - United States - Seattle

Today, I asked my girlfriend why she's been avoiding kissing me lately. Apparently she had a dream that one of my teeth caught on her braces, and all of her teeth got pulled out like a string of pearls. It seems unlikely she will be un-scarred any time soon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 699

You deserved it 1 721

Work is work

By mylifeisfed - 04/11/2009 12:56 - United States

Today, I encountered one of my professors from college. Back when I was in his game theory class, he publicly criticized me for falling asleep and not paying attention, to which I retaliated by acing all of his exams. Four years and a degree later, I met him again... while working at Pizza Hut. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 824

You deserved it 12 850

Happy wife, happy life, right?

By tradwife blues - 23/08/2023 00:02 - United States

Today, I was chopping veggies for dinner and accidentally sliced through my thumbnail and into my finger. I wrapped it and finished cooking, despite being in considerable pain. My husband patted my shoulder and said sympathetically, "Don’t worry about the dishes babe. You can just do them tomorrow.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 940

You deserved it 167

By Anonymous - 03/11/2009 19:49 - United States

Today, while I was driving out of the student parking lot I saw people laughing. Then the old security lady yelled for me to stop. She told me my books were on the top of my car but one had already fallen off. I looked in my rearview mirror and saw all of my school papers flying everywhere. FML

I agree, your life sucks 17 024

You deserved it 31 327

I've seen things…

By chantelle - 12/03/2021 11:01 - Australia - Sydney

Today, I woke up early and went into the kitchen to get a Monster, and my dad was getting head from his girlfriend with no pants on. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 390

You deserved it 220

The internet's busiest music nerd

By dillon - 01/07/2014 04:12 - United States - Fayetteville

Today, I watched a YouTube video about artists who ripped off other artist's songs. All of the bands that were accused of stealing were all bands that I really enjoy. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 346

You deserved it 11 080

By scarletdurose88 - 19/04/2009 21:47 - United States

Today, is my 21st birthday. I get home after my night out and walk into the garage to see a 2002 Red Corvette convertible. I run up to the car thinking its a gift and there's a note: "Dani this is not your birthday present. Quit drooling on my car. -Dad" Thanks Dad. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 800

You deserved it 13 813

By ladygrey - 20/07/2019 00:08

Today, my daughter informed me that she hates everything about her appearance and wants to get every possible plastic surgery when she’s older. She’s 7. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 870

You deserved it 243

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The Top

Today, I went on a date with a guy I've been talking to. We ended up at his house around 4 a.m., but as we walked through the front door, his ex-girlfriend was sitting on the couch, apparently waiting for him to get home. They still live together. FML

I agree, your life sucks 15 166

You deserved it 1 104

Today, my girlfriend decided it would be hilarious if she pulled a prank on me, so she did the classic "bucket of water on a door" one. I ended up getting stitches and a concussion on my birthday. FML

I agree, your life sucks 28 398

You deserved it 1 986

Today, I was adjusting my nose piercing from the inside. My mother saw and thought I was picking my nose, so she slapped my hand away, tearing my nose ring out in the process. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 546

You deserved it 9 053

Today, I lost my virginity. Today, I also learned how to fake an orgasm. Twice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 141

You deserved it 1 235

Today, my wife admitted she has fallen in love with a guy who delivers milk and other dairy to our local shop. She is literally cheating on me with the milkman. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 366

You deserved it 166

Today, I looked up 8 videos, questioned my entire existence, actually hurt myself, and cried profusely trying to open a bottle of wine. Just in case anyone thought I was smart. FML

I agree, your life sucks 299

You deserved it 383