Today, due to my allergies I can't stop sneezing. It wouldn't be so bad if it wasn't for my hemorrhoids making each sneeze feel like I'm getting a cactus shoved up my ass. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I have a hemorrhoid and a cold. Every time I cough or sneeze, it feels like someone is stabbing me in the anus. FML
Today, I have such bad diarrhea that every time I sneeze I poop. I've discovered it's very hard to run to the bathroom every time I feel the urge to sneeze. FML
Today, I suffered an uncontrollable sneezing attack. I have the runs. It wasn't exactly as bad as I'd have expected. Just a lot worse. FML
Today, my hay-fever started. I'm five months pregnant, and every time I cough, sneeze or blow my nose I either fart or wet myself. FML
Today, I was on my way to work. Out of nowhere, my period started. Due to allergies, I had uncontrollable sneezes. Now, I have blood all over my pants. FML
Today, I sneezed so hard, I farted. During my vaccine appointment. I hate hayfever. FML
Today, my seasonal allergies started. Most annoying thing by far this allergy season? I only get the urge to sneeze when I have food in my mouth. FML
Today, I have a zit on the edge of my nostril, along with severe allergies. I can no longer tell if my tears are from pain or hay fever. FML
Today, I've been having really bad seasonal allergies. I was at work, and feeling just about to sneeze for at least a full minute, but thought I could stop it. A customer came up to me, I opened my mouth to greet her… but instead sneezed right in her face. Several seconds before my addled brain caught up. FML
Today, as I was trying to get into the grocery store, I had a sneezing fit. I've typically never had one, so I didn't really know how to handle it. This one was a new record: 11 sneezes and I hadn't had the foresight to bring tissues. FML
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Top comments
greeneyesFTWlol 8
My booty just tightened up from reading this.
fsomelife 26
I guess either your nose regrets what your ass does, or your ass regrets what your nose does.
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Comments (58)
laughmaster 9
FYL OP, maybe you can try to find out what exactly irritates your allergies and try to avoid it the most
Jac_d_ipper 10
Mayb those cactuses that are up the OP's arse are causing the allergy/sneezes lol.
phoneYuNOlisten 16
If they're allergies from outside you can't run away from them. I know the feel OP.
greeneyesFTWlol 8
My booty just tightened up from reading this.
Ambient25 25
No what you read was a "Casting Couch" ad...
fsomelife 26
How has nobody commented calling you a tightass yet??
Kauphy 12
Tightass.
fsomelife 26
I guess either your nose regrets what your ass does, or your ass regrets what your nose does.
Ambient25 25
At least you didn't have Indian food as well. You'd probably be having gut wrenching ass explosions that made you feel like you were ******** fire.
fsomelife 26
There's an image...
challan 19
A slushie might help with that.
perdix 31
#25, it might, but when I go to 7-Eleven and ask for one in suppository form, they kick me out of the store.
xALEXx_fml 15
I feel for you! Well...not that feeling..but yes, sorry OP!! FYL!!
pattayarick 8
TMI, TMI, aaaagggghhhhh TMI
fsomelife 26
You seem to have really gotten into it...
gc327072 31
If you need to gouge your eyes out Oedipus-style, I have a rusty spoon you can borrow.
chronosphere 18
how do you know how it feels like shoving a cactus up your ass?
fsomelife 26
Why do you think he has allergies?
Ambient25 25
For #11 Definition of METAPHOR : a figure of speech in which a word or phrase literally denoting one kind of object or idea is used in place of another to suggest a likeness or analogy between them (as in drowning in money); broadly : figurative language — compare simile.
chronosphere 18
dude you have no sense of humor and never get a joke!!! get a life
Ambient25 25
Right because that was a joke. Back to back jokes with you and #14!
fsomelife 26
Ass to ass, even.
perdix 31
#13, heh-heh, you said ANALogy ;)
Ambient25 25
Lol very nice Perdix ;)
zen1979 16
For 13; for the record op said it feels LIKE having a cactus shoved up their arse, which would make this a similie (spelled wrong?) not a metaphor.
zen1979 16
* simile; a figure of speech in which two unlike things are explicitly compared, identifiable by the use if the words 'like' or 'as'. Compare metaphor.
dinosxxrawr 22
knowing hot it feels to have a cactus shoved up your ass might also be a problem.
Ambient25 25
This is why my desk is imprinted with an outline of my head....
moonwing 17
They make cream and wipes for hemorrhoids. Maybe if you use both of those, it'll help with that "cactus being shoved up your ass" feeling. I'm not saving its the best stuff, and idk if it'll even work, but it's worth a try! Good luck, OP!!
ozpunker 20
That's a pain in the ass.
fsomelife 26
Ladies and gentlemen, we present to you the abridged version of this FML.
JoshuahColins 19
Ahhhhhhh :D
alycion 39
What's the matter 21, didn't you use cliff notes while in school?
fsomelife 26
Yes, yes I did.