Today, my boyfriend reckoned that he has a better sleep when he falls asleep with his hand on either my boobs or my ass. I kind of just laughed it off. I later discovered he's 100% correct when he put his hand on my butt, and not five minutes later was snoring. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I was in one of those lucid half sleeps with my boyfriend. Not fully awake to control myself, I ripped ass. I had no idea what to do. I pretended to still be sleeping. I'm pretty sure he noticed because he patted me on the back in a congratulatory sort of way. FML
Today, while my boyfriend was asleep, I gave him a soft kiss and whispered how handsome and gentle he looked. His response, still asleep, was to roll over and let out a massive fart. FML
Today, I tried to get my boyfriend to roll over while he was asleep. He snores loud enough to wake the neighbors and if he lays on his side he usually stops. Instead of rolling over, he stuck his leg in the air, farted twice, and laughed about it in his sleep. He's still snoring. FML
Today, while in bed with my boyfriend, I accidentally let one slip. While thinking "maybe he didn't hear, maybe he's sleeping", the shaking of the bed from his laughter let me know otherwise. FML
Today, I discovered my boyfriend listens way better in his sleep than he does when he's awake. FML
Today, it's 2am. I've been trying to get to sleep for the past two hours next to my snoring boyfriend. Every time I nudge him to shut him up, his body tenses, he farts, then goes straight back to snoring. FML
Today, I woke up to find my boyfriend watching me sleep. I asked him if he was staring at me because he was in love. He replied that it was because my farting wouldn't let him sleep. FML
Today, my boyfriend fell asleep while watching TV. I thought it would be cute to try to kiss him awake like they do in the movies. He farted. FML
Today, after some great sex, my boyfriend mused: "You know, from this position, I could punch you in the cunt and you wouldn't be able to stop me." I could only relax when he finally fell asleep nearly an hour later. FML
Today, while in bed, my fiancé rolled over in the dark and complimented me on my nice buttocks. He had actually grabbed a roll of back fat. FML
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Top comments
kost4060 14
I would take that as a complement
Welshite 40
You could probably patent yourself as the next great sleep-aid. Just make molds of your breasts and butt and rake in the money.
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Comments (15)
kost4060 14
I would take that as a complement
Welshite 40
You could probably patent yourself as the next great sleep-aid. Just make molds of your breasts and butt and rake in the money.
QuaSiCos 10
the ASS has it.
SkoomaKi 28
They're squishy and soft, who wouldn't want to fall asleep touching some!
jack_jill05 14
Now to get rid of the snoring.....
idkwht2put 5
I really don't see how that's a problem
Wizardo 34
Can't complain with that logic, boob squeezing and butt touching is scientifically proven to help you get that sleep to conquer the world when you wake up... 100% not made up.
cjwayy 22
Boobs and ass are powerful things.
WCARlover 35
I think that's sweet. As long as your boobs are the only boobs he falls asleep with
1two3four5six 23
I don't see how this is an FML at all. It's funny, but not an FML.