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By AwkwardPotato - 02/07/2013 02:37 - United States - Bakersfield

Today, my mom signed me up for a swimming class to show my sister there's nothing to be afraid of. Considering I'm 17, I assumed I'd be in an advanced class. Instead, I get to spend summer blowing bubbles in the shallow end with four-year-olds as my little sister cheers me on from the steps. FML

I agree, your life sucks 43 952

You deserved it 3 763

By Anonymous - 20/05/2009 15:42 - United States

Today, me and my co-workers were playing with the Helium tank we got today. We were all giggling like little girls for the better half of 15 minutes. I don't know what is more sad, that a bunch of guys were sucking helium instead of working, or that the youngest guy in the group is 43. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 113

You deserved it 15 185

By Starving Ultimatum - 02/09/2011 01:55 - United States

Today, I was robbed while recovering from a robbery. FML

I agree, your life sucks 32 964

You deserved it 3 130

By Worsttreeever - 05/12/2009 05:15 - United States

Today, we brought our Christmas tree inside to decorate. We decorated it, then went out to dinner as a family. Returning 2 hours later, we came back to find our living room to be occupied. Not with people. The tree had been filled with baby spiders, and they were all over the living room. FML

I agree, your life sucks 38 428

You deserved it 3 557

By hanenhh - 01/12/2013 10:58 - Tunisia

Today, my mom had to go to one of her relatives’ funeral. She came to borrow a black scarf from me, but the only one I own has grey skulls printed on it. Yes, she took it anyway. FML

I agree, your life sucks 624

You deserved it 65

Waste

By Annie - 31/08/2011 03:17 - United States

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend and I had sex for the first time. Two minutes in, he goes, "Wow, this is strenuous" and stopped. I waited three years for this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 36 874

You deserved it 5 315

By theunluckylifeofme - 26/06/2013 20:33 - United States - Gilroy

Spicy

Today, while I was working the drive-thru, a couple came through. As I was handing back their change they began giggling. I looked down to see the man's sex-nose fully erect. FML

I agree, your life sucks 46 805

You deserved it 5 120

#ForeverAlone

By WithoutLove - 30/08/2011 05:20 - United States

Spicy

Today, I realized the closest thing I have to a love life is organizing my porn folder by category. FML

I agree, your life sucks 16 708

You deserved it 33 089

By UglySister - 02/12/2009 22:27 - United Kingdom

Today, my sister was dumped by her boyfriend. As my mother was comforting her, I overheard her say "Honey, it's okay, you're the pretty one. Think of those worse off than you. Think of your sister, she might never get a boyfriend." FML

I agree, your life sucks 53 320

You deserved it 3 088

By Tori - 15/07/2012 21:52 - Australia

Today, I told my boyfriend that I've been diagnosed with gestational diabetes. Despite all my attempts to explain that he's wrong, he is totally convinced that my genitals have diabetes. This guy is going to be such a great father to our kids. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 792

You deserved it 6 347

By Anonyme - 01/08/2015 04:51 - Japan - Iruma

Today, I’m on vacation in Japan. Hungry, I went to a restaurant. Looking at photos of the food, I selected a lovely looking bowl of rice with slices of squid. I was served some ice cream. With squid. On a unidentified white mousse. I’m still hungry. FML

I agree, your life sucks 663

You deserved it 132

By mybad - 11/09/2014 03:57 - United States

Today, at work, a midget came in to buy beer. Not only was he almost as tall as me, he got offended when I had to card him and explain that the manager told me to card everyone, and that it wasn't because he was short. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 428

You deserved it 3 284

By Daddy - 03/03/2008 03:33

Today, I told my son off because he lost a form. A form that I later found in my right-hand pocket. FML

I agree, your life sucks 212

You deserved it 791

By upsetandunjustified - 04/11/2010 05:19 - United States

Today, I got fired from my job where you build teddy bears. I got fired not because I did anything wrong, just because they don't like my personality. I'd never worked with my boss, and that means all the employees that work there had a meeting about me, and all confirmed they don't like me. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 873

You deserved it 6 406

Home sweet home

By Deadcat101 - This FML is from back in 2012 but it's good stuff - Canada - Winnipeg

Today, my unemployed mother decided to yet again stay home and drink heavily. So far she's kicked me out of the house, tipped over our sofa, and thrown her vibrator out the window. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 370

You deserved it 2 002

Hey lady! Chill!

By Anonymous - 25/08/2011 21:17 - United States

Today, I was out shopping when an old lady bumped into me and dropped her purse. Trying to help, I bent over to pick it up, at which point she battered the shit out of me, called me a "filthy thief" and threatened to open an umbrella in my ass. What the fuck has the world come to? FML

I agree, your life sucks 41 411

You deserved it 3 050

Thank you for your service

By Anonymous - 02/04/2022 12:00

Spicy

Today, I caught my wife with my brother. I demanded a divorce and, out of desperation, she claimed she thought it was me because we’re twins. We might be twins, but we’re dissimilar enough it’s obvious which is fucking which, plus he has both hands, whereas I left one of mine behind in fucking Iraq. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 758

You deserved it 140

By Anonymous - 02/11/2010 02:58 - United States

Today, I was at Walmart and I asked a guy working there where the scrapbooking stuff was. He led me to the aisle where it was and then said, "By the way, I don't work here." FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 056

You deserved it 31 676

Call the fuzz

By towel please! - 10/03/2022 18:00 - United States

Today, I found out the day manager has been illegally entering my apartment when I’m not home. My car was in the shop, so when he saw my parking spot empty, he came right on in. I was just getting out of the shower and was standing stark naked. He didn’t even try to explain. Just smirked. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 887

You deserved it 93

How in hell…?

By Anonymous - 19/06/2013 16:12 - United States - Brooklyn

Today, my 16-year-old son broke two of his fingers playing with Play-Doh. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 044

You deserved it 5 285

By JadedBaker - 08/07/2012 06:58 - United States

Today, I woke up early and spent hours baking and icing a three-tier cake for my friend's eighteenth birthday, which is this evening. I just found out my mother threw it in the compost bin because she's on a diet and it was "tempting" her. FML

I agree, your life sucks 40 139

You deserved it 2 001

By halloweensucks - 01/11/2010 01:08 - United States

Today, I spent over an hour decorating my house for trick or treaters. I never got one person at my door because I forgot to unlock my gate. FML

I agree, your life sucks 9 457

You deserved it 35 531

By the3goatlady - 01/09/2014 16:22 - United States - Madison

Today, my goat decided my hairstyle was so last season and restyled it for me with his teeth. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 648

You deserved it 6 844

the3goatlady tells us more.

the3goatlady 0

Saturday 6 September 2014 2:29

Hi. I'm OP. I have 3 goats and they're very sweet and playful. One of my goats will nibble clothes if you don't watch him, but never did I think he'd bite 5 inches of hair off! Oh well. If you hate goats it's no skin off my back.

By evilmuffinlord - 18/06/2013 06:34 - United States - Houston

Today, my parents took my iPad back to the store and exchanged it for two cheap knock off tablets. Reason being my little brother threatened to run away because I had one and he didn't. I bought the iPad on my own after graduation. They kept the difference in price. FML

I agree, your life sucks 65 404

You deserved it 3 984

evilmuffinlord tells us more.

evilmuffinlord 14

Tuesday 18 June 2013 17:52

hello! OP here. Originally, I was very upset, I hadn't been home when it happened and when I came back I found out. I have since talked to my parents, and found out my mom was the one who did it, but she put the extra money back into my bank account. I do live with my parents until I go off to college. The Ipad was an overzealous purchase, and after messing with the tablet its not so bad. As for my brother, my dad sat him down and talked to him about how it was wrong to do that and he needs to earn stuff, etc etc etc. And his tablet will be returned. So I guess in a sense everything is ok now. xD I wasnt expecting to have this accepted, I didn't even have an account till this morning.

Noise annoys

By Anonymous - 16/05/2019 18:00

Today, my little brother got a violin. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 768

You deserved it 310

By Not Amish FFS - 17/05/2019 20:00

Today, my boyfriend and I had a fight about his parents. We're both 23-year-old university students who aren't allowed in his bedroom unless the door is completely open. Nothing he says to his parents will change this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 753

You deserved it 725

By confidence taken - 23/08/2014 06:26 - United States - Bay Springs

Spicy

Today, my boyfriend called me in tears, convinced that he found me in a porn video online. It wasn't me. And when I finally got him to give me the web address, I too started crying at the realization of how fat he thinks I am. FML

I agree, your life sucks 58 057

You deserved it 5 869

How could you?

By Anonymous - 09/07/2023 00:02 - United States

Spicy

Today, I found out my boyfriend of almost two years had kept nude photos and videos of his ex, whom he couldn’t seem to let go of from the start. We’re locked into a pricy apartment lease together, and I don’t have anywhere I can go. Thanks babe, love you. FML

I agree, your life sucks 952

You deserved it 314

Twisted

By sleepwalker - 22/11/2009 01:33 - United States

Spicy

Today, I woke up in my roommate's bed. Apparently, the previous night I sleep-walked into her room, layed on her bed, and fell asleep. In the middle of her and her boyfriend having sex. He's now going around saying he slept with both of us. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 820

You deserved it 4 735

He's probably right

By Anonymous - 25/05/2019 00:01

Today, I found out that my boyfriend thinks brushing his teeth is unnecessary, because, "the world is going to end because of climate change anyway." FML

I agree, your life sucks 1 953

You deserved it 215

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The Top

The Top

Today, I was told that I was no longer being considered for the Prison Officer job I have been interviewed for, because a social media check showed I had liked a picture of drugs, so my character is inappropriate. I thought it was a picture of candy. I've never even tried weed. FML

I agree, your life sucks 11 011

You deserved it 2 252

Today, I was doing a little victory jig after finally sending out the last of the invitation cards for my wedding when I realised that I had forgotten to put the date of the event on them. FML

I agree, your life sucks 39 875

You deserved it 23 234

Today, while I was having sex, he stopped, looked at me all seriously and said, "Permission to climax, ma'am?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 50 037

You deserved it 10 035

Today, I found out that my eight year old son is actually my nephew. FML

I agree, your life sucks 87 848

You deserved it 7 105

Today, I'm so broke after my recent divorce that I stole toilet paper from my church. I'm the pastor. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 000

You deserved it 364

Today, I struggled to open a childproof bottle, which, by the way, had the instructions printed on the lid. FML.

I agree, your life sucks 142

You deserved it 282