Darwin_Award_Winner
Beaumont, United States
Today, in a drunken state, I decided that it would be a good idea to shave with a pizza cutter. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Same thing different taste
Anonymous
United Kingdom
Today, I got sick of my flatmate stealing my food so I decided to sabotage a leftover pizza with laxatives. I came back home later in the evening after a night of heavy drinking. Guess what I had to eat in my drunken stupor. FML
extraflavour
United Kingdom
Today, I went to a local take-away and ordered a pizza. I watched the worker get my pizza out the oven, then wipe the pizza cutter on the trash bin to get rid of the last pizza's toppings, and then cut my pizza. FML
tylerlove361
United States
Today, I cut myself with child-proof scissors. FML
Anonymous
London, United Kingdom
Today, I decided to conquer my fear of blades, and tried shaving my legs with a razor. I sat on the side of my bathtub and wet my legs, but some of the water splashed. I slipped on it and fell back, hitting my head on the tile wall and slicing my leg open at the same time. FML
welp
Belton, United States
Today, I was making a homemade pizza for myself. I've been unhappy lately, so I arranged the pepperoni in the shape of a smiley face to cheer myself up. The pizza burned. FML
mushroomtop
Today, I woke up extremely hung over on a friend's couch after a night of heavy drinking and partying. To my horror, I discovered that, in my drunken state, I'd allowed said friend's six-year-old daughter to trim my hair. I now have a bowl cut. FML
Anonymous
Toronto, Canada
Today, I thought I would treat myself to a shave and a haircut at a proper barber, instead of just a haircut at Supercuts. After many "Oops", "Sorry", even an "Oh dear", I left with no hair cut, and blood streaming from multiple slices in my face from the shave. I think one might need stitches. FML
figgy
This FML is from back in 2010 but it's good stuff
United States
Slice and dice
Today, I was working in a deli when I cut more meat than I intended; I basically removed my fingerprint via the deli slicer. FML
knifewow
Ashgrove, Australia
Today, I angrily waved away an annoying fly with a large knife. I stabbed myself in the shoulder. FML
Anonymous
United States
Today, I tried shaving my bikini area for the first time. I ended up cutting myself several times. I now have impressive razor burn, and it's incredibly painful to even wear pants. FML
Top comments
Hiimhaileypotter 53
It's not normal to shave with a pizza cutter?
bellakaykid 6
What... Why the ****?
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Comments (145)
bellakaykid 6
What... Why the ****?
Flyersfan54 4
Because he was drunk.. You do dumb shit when you're drunk.
derkster 6
Philllyyyyyy!
Gregory607 1
Brings pizza face to a whole new level, doesn't it?
trevino180 4
Who said he was shaving his FACE
MDTeddy 13
I don't drink. I feel srry for those who do. It doesn't make you any cooler. Idc who you are. Also, it makes you look like a complete dumbass if you are drunk. I say Op...this is a sign to stop drinking or at least drink less if you can't stop.
Alwayspullout 7
Oh wow 50, you inspire me... Actually, stfu, no one cares...
ColdplaySucks 18
Whoever thought getting intoxicated was "fun" must have been dropped as a child.
SW500 13
That's why I prefer being stoned. The thought of cutting it would never cross my mind. Besides, when I'm drunk I tend to fall over more than most people and end up really sore the next morning. I don't particularly like that feeling.
JustDerpin 11
Actually, 50, I feel bad for people who don't spell out the whole word. Can't they just type a few more letters?
folfg0 12
Guys! Texas. He was in a drunken state! Apparently, all of texas was drunk. XP (note that's sarcasm back off I'm from Texas too. :P)
aaahhhfire21 0
So 8 or 12 slices of facer-roni?
evilplatypus 39
50 - I don't drink, either. But that's my business. Who cares if you drink or not? And judging by your spelling/grammar/syntax, I highly doubt you're being entirely truthful with us. How wasted were you when you typed that?
fromthesuck 8
The ONLY point where I agree with 50 is that op might take this as a sign to change his habits some. Other than that: you sir... Are an idiot!
tjv3 10
Great you are from my state. Thanks for making the rest of us look bad
BeachBoi_Alex 7
Wait... so this ISNT a good idea...? meh, got it out already, too late now..
rockaroths 15
Today, in a drunken state... YDI
Skittles_Rawr 8
50- most people don't do it because it's "cool" some people do it because they like it. eating food doesn't make you any cooler. I guess you should stop.
SnaKiZe 3
e.g. Captain Morgan 100, stop texting my ex, kthxbai. :P OR something along the lines of such :D
False_Stupidity 42
You have a point there #48 it might not have been his face he was shaving... Imagine if he was trying to shave his pubes with the pizza cutter? O.o
MehrunesDagon456 20
Who said he was trying to be cool? People can't just go out and party?
Hiimhaileypotter 53
It's not normal to shave with a pizza cutter?
Il_Maestro 6
Damn straight. Real men use chainsaws.
ucoolgirl31 20
Or shaving with a steak knife....
baddawg365 0
Nope a rusty hack saw is the way to go. Or a dull surgeons scalpel
Ryanmatuszak 5
Just be sure not to cut your pizza with a razor
Dr0reos 8
Just crazy glue your nose back on and walk it off
shellz102 12
I wasn't that drunk! Dude. You tried shaving with a pizza cutter...
WearingHats 14
A rusty hatchet and tabasco.
MerrikBarbarian 9
Chain saw? I'd pay to see that! Though probably not enough to cover the ensuing hospital bills...
nick3600 22
Screw that, I use a woodchipper
chujel1302 1
And did it work?
thurjones 6
Obviously not, or it wouldn't be an FML. Or, at least, it would be more like: Today, I got wasted and gave myself a good, close shave with a pizza cutter. Now that I know that I'm a MacGyver style genius when I'm drunk, there's even less motivation to avoid alcoholism. FML Username suggests this behavior is common, and *SPOILER ALERT* that it won't end well.
HerrBawl 4
I would think he would be unable to post anything about it were he really a Darwin Award Winner.
ExorcistParrot 11
Darwin Awards are awarded to people who lost their ability to reproduce, whether from death or loss of genitalia.
Boston_4_Life 3
Thats cheesy.
aziamn28 5
No
Nbrandwine 7
Just like your joke
Boston_4_Life 3
Thats the point
Boston_4_Life 3
I read the fml wrong and thought OP said they shaved a piece of pizza. My bad
iliketurdles 7
Wait, what? How can... You know what? Never mind. I actually felt myself get dumber trying to rationalise your thought process.
Boston_4_Life 3
I was high as ****, sorry bro
PlaidPanda 9
^ and that my good sir is why you don't comment when you're "high as ****," high as hell, yeah that's alright, but when you get in to the "high as ****" zone just watch some south park.
mandadarling 10
Well.. did it work?
xactownife 7
If it worked then why would this be an FML?
nyoomlio 0
Pepperoni face ?
sporty1200xlr 6
More like scar face.
Il_Maestro 6
Shaving while drunk. Never a good idea.
DomDomxoxo 16
I agree, last time I tried that I cut my ex-boyfriend's balls.
skoob1 12
You were drunk for cutting him, or he was drunk for letting you near his balls with a razor?
RedPillSucks 33
You should have shaved his balls with a pizza cutter
Il_Maestro 6
25- Sounds like an effective birth control method.
ZAE06 0
if he had any to begin with
DomDomxoxo 16
73: I'll let you know if it is effective in a couple of months.
outstandtacular 11
Lol! Oh, OP... YDI all day every day and twice on Sunday.
manrock1896 0
**** ough
Gman1234gman 7
yep
egc573 40
If you're still alive, you're not a Darwin Award winner yet. Damn close, though, if you keep this up.
yuzuhere 21
You can slice your face into eights!
KiddNYC1O 22
*Cringes*
DCarrasco526 4
Eighths*
perdix 31
Did you cut your face into New York-style wedges or Chicago-style squares? I hope you splashed your face with Cheesy Bread when you were done.