Today, even though my mom’s only ever been to the south once, she’s completely obsessed with talking with a bad, overly exaggerated southern accent. Not to mention constantly prattling off random nonsensical country phrases. We’re from and still live in California, nowhere near any country. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my mother continued her lifelong habit of talking to anyone who isn't white in extremely slow, exaggerated "caveman" English. She insists that she isn't being racist, but rather is helping. FML
Today, my mother went on another long rant, detailing 20 years of bad things that we all already knew about a relative. The slightest recollection in a conversation never fails to turn into unending monologues. I can't change the past, nor the subject of conversation apparently. FML
Today, my mom scolded me for ruining my sister's "vacation" here. She just got deported from abroad, and was only gone for 2 months after falling for a marriage scam. Now she deludes to herself that she was born and raised there, and claims not to understand our mother tongue, calling it third world primate language. FML
Today, after two weeks visiting my boyfriend's family in rural Mississippi, we finally returned to civilization. Unfortunately, I pick up on accents really easily, and now I sound like a hick. My boyfriend thinks it's cute, but I hate it. FML
Today, a friend was over at my house. My dad walks over and talks to me; I respond. He then goes back in his room. My friend then says, "Don’t get self-conscious, but when you talk to your dad, your southern accent gets REALLY strong." Guess who's now self-conscious. FML
Today, at work, I was helping someone who really sounded like she had a Boston accent. So, I asked her where she was from. She has never been out of state. Turns out she has a speech impediment. FML
Today, my mom mentioned how she loves a certain actor's "British" accent. I couldn't help but mention that there's no such thing, and that there are lots of different accents in Britain. She got pissed and lectured me for "lying" to her and trying to make her feel stupid. FML
Today, I took my girlfriend home to meet my parents. They thought it'd be hilarious to put on ridiculous accents and act like country hicks, spewing obscenities and strongly hinting that we're into incest. She soon left in disgust. I haven't heard back from her since. FML
Today, I tried to have a conversation with my mom. As usual, it turned into an hour long gush about how much she loves her grandkids. When I said, “You know you have children as well, right?” She goes, "Yeah but I only had them to have grandchildren for me!” FML
Today, I live in my own house, but on my mom’s property. Whether I look outside towards the south, west, or east, I always look upon some ugly crap my mom has lying around. Except the north. On that side, it’s the neighbors’ crap. FML
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Top comments
RichardPencil 32
You ever been to Bakersfield? Parts of Cali are as redneck as anywhere else! It's about as country as a donkey with three dicks and five balls -- Hee haw yeehaw !
postpunkfunk 16
I'd be happier than a pup with two peters.
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Comments (9)
wmayrhofer 18
I thought Californians were more tolerant of each others' quirks. Your mother may sound like country for giggles but you really sound like a hick.
RichardPencil 32
You ever been to Bakersfield? Parts of Cali are as redneck as anywhere else! It's about as country as a donkey with three dicks and five balls -- Hee haw yeehaw !
MamaChey 24
Yaaasssir!!! Yuba City has turf-fighting roosters — Rooster Gangland
bubbat101 36
California also has Horse Town USA AKA Norco. So there are some rural areas here in California.
RJR 5
Well... you are from California, so stupid kinda comes with the territory.
postpunkfunk 16
I'd be happier than a pup with two peters.
DiscoStu88 1
I love your mom, she is awesome
Taurus_ChicKa 37
Y'all, I live in the Midwest and that's darn tootin' offensive to me and my kin. Ye got some nerve tryna' match our accent and sayin' what we say don't make no sense. Okay I'm done.
Eric Henning 7
Selenas is country.... you City slickers have no idea what is in your state