Today, I found out that if you whistle Christmas carols while shitting in a public bathroom, a little boy might just look under the stall to see if Santa is pooping. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I walked into the Macy's bathroom to find Santa taking a dump with the door open. Merry Christmas. FML
Today, I was working at the mall as Santa, when a little girl took a shit in my lap. FML
Today, I had to clean bathroom duties at work. Someone wrote "Merry Christmas" on the wall in their own shit. FML
Today, at work while on the toilet, somebody came into the stall next to me and gave a loud play by play of every fart, plop, and grunt. He then asked loudly who I was and when I didn't answer put his head under the stall to look at me. FML
Today, my toddler started chirping, "Mommy’s on the toilet!" while I was in a public restroom at our local mall. She also knocked on the stall door to make sure everyone was made aware of our exact location. FML
Today, while trying to take a crap, I shut the bathroom door. A minute later, my 3 year old daughter knocked and said "Mommy, do you wanna build a snowman?" She kept singing the song until I was finally done. FML
Today, I have been stuck in the bathroom. Apparently, my 8 year old son decided to sneak in some TurboLax into the juice we left out for Santa. Well played son. FML
Today, my little brother found the singing Santa Claus from last year, and it still works. I'm now going to be hearing nothing but "We WISH you a MERRY CHRISTMAS!" for the next 20 days. FML
Today, I saw Santa. He gave me the finger. FML
Today, I used the restroom at a department store. While I was in my stall, I overheard a little girl say to her mother, "I see someone wearing pink!" I remembered that I was wearing pink just as she finished her thought, "…and she's pooping." She was peeking at me through the stall. FML
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Top comments
Yellow_Fish79 11
Tell him he is on the naughty list! Peeking under stalls... >:
allblacksfan 7
I would do the exact same thing. Who would want to miss out on meeting Santa?
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Comments (103)
Yellow_Fish79 11
Tell him he is on the naughty list! Peeking under stalls... >:
Sing_Along 7
Why were you whisteling Christmas songs this time of year? Isn't it a little early?
GVirdi 11
It's never too early for christmas! Free presents! Too bad my family doesn't celebrate christmas
perdix 31
And that Santa forwards the Naughty List to Jerry Sandusky ;)
truth_spitta 0
Lol perdix...that's terrible, but hilarious! Anyways, sometimes songs are just stuck in your head, like my sister if obsessed with 1D and she always sings it and people go wtf when I sing it sometimes purely because it's stuck in my head
simonsaysYDI 8
-Doesn't get the joke perdix made. Gives it a thumbs up anyway-
xoconnie 8
that kid must be scarred for life!
AKGirlinSD 20
5- Maybe he lives in the city of North Pole, Alaska, where it is Christmas year round! You can go meet Santa any day of the year there, even in the shitter! (My phone doesn't allow me to see where the original poster's location is so I'm trying to give him the benefit of the doubt).
allblacksfan 7
I would do the exact same thing. Who would want to miss out on meeting Santa?
auzz1_pride 9
A little Jewish boy maybe?
GVirdi 11
I saw him at the mall once! But they wouldn't let me go because apparently 15 year olds can't believe in Santa :c
ChickInGreenVans 12
I <3 Santa:)..
auzz1_pride 9
I saw a black one when I was 12 he said some very mean things to me :((
zachherbert 10
I don't care what y'all crackas say... Santa is black!
Oreohugzpenny 4
14 What religion are you?
MrFuzzles 5
Give him a present, don't kill his faith in Santa!
ladyLALAA 29
OP... Oh, yes, of course I am Santa *hands random kid stray tic-tac, bobbi-pin and kinder surprise toy* Kid... Uhh, I want a bike!
mcinnesandrew 6
Haha he'd be like "shit I don't have anything" *reaches in toilet* "here you go kid it's... Ummm Mr.Potato Head?"
auzz1_pride 9
Nice, getting into the Christmas spirit early I see.
VeganVampyre 27
Or late... :P
the_anti_hipster 7
The best way to spread Christmas cheer is singing loud for all to hear!
indoorsy 3
Haha I hope you went along with it, that's enough to scar a kid for life!
ashesofempires04 7
Kids do dumb shit like that all the time. I had one look under the stall at me trying to find his grandpa maybe a minute after grandpa said he would wait outside. I just stared.
HeyMondayAddict 4
That's why you shout satan prayers. It will clear the bathroom for you to use in peace.
GVirdi 11
And then a demon pops out of your ass
aleeshttylXD 9
ahahaha XD
gpg5 19
I just died
thelastavailable 13
It's June. Please nobody get "into the spirit", I could do with a few more months of sanity.
Michaelsgirl04 9
dang dude. Bahumbug!
auzz1_pride 9
I hate you so much for posting this comment, I have spent the past 10minutes trying to remember the "Santa is coming to town" carol, but I can't get it right :(
GVirdi 11
You better not shout! You better not cry! You better not pout, I'm telling you why! Santa Claus is coming, to town He stalks you when you're sleeping, he hides when you're awake But seriously 9, these days there's no such thing as "sanity"
ShyAnn29 15
I was trying to remember that song to, but I couldn't
GVirdi 11
Am I the only 1 who remembered jiggle bells?..
auzz1_pride 9
Jingle bells batman smells, robin laid an egg!! Santa dropped his balls and blew up U.S.A, 2005 version FTW. It never gets old :)
onlychildFTW 34
What about Christmas in July? That's coming up soon.
BradTheBrony 19
24, there's a mistake in your comment. Let me fix it. *balls
smilepatrol 7
I don't think that's what Santa had in mind when he said coal to the bad children.
GVirdi 11
Short on supply?
Unbweavable 17
Dude it's June...wtf
GVirdi 11
But there's no songs for June :c
auzz1_pride 9
22) I'm surprise one of your comments haven't been moderated yet, mine did. Though I think it's because I typed too many within a short period :L
GVirdi 11
I'm just a bored teen trying to make myself more bored so I can sleep Other than that it's 5am and I can't really think of anything good to post on a Fml about a little boy looking in bathroom stalls for Santa
Killuhk 8
He's getting ready for July lol
ElmoSaysSquishy 28
70 Christmas wasn't in July the last time I checked.
calaholic35 0
Ever heard of Christmas in July.. Idiot..
challan 19
Sometimes he's nutty Sometimes he's corny He can be brown or greenish brown But if you eat fiber on Christmas eve He might come to your town! Mr. Hankey the Christmas Poo He loves me, I love you Therefore, vicariously he loves you!
emmy462 3
lmao! genius!