Today, my manager called me into his office and spent half an hour screaming at me for granting one of our workers so many religious off-days. Apparently, the name of these "religious observances" actually means something to the effect of "scoring some pussy" in Macedonian. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, my boss wrote me up for saying "pissed" in front of a client. This is the same boss who nearly pissed himself laughing when a client made an extremely off-color Holocaust joke a few weeks ago, in front of half the department. FML
Today, my boss yelled at me for leaving on time. After months of management hounding us about our overtime, I get in trouble for doing what I was supposed to do. FML
Today, yet again, my boss whined to me like a baby over being "friend-zoned" by his secretary. Not only does he basically stalk her and make her eat lunch with him every day, she's a lesbian in a committed relationship. He suspended me after I lost it and told him to see a fucking therapist. FML
Today, my manager called me to demand I come in to fix his computer, unpaid of course, since I have no overtime rate, then threatened to fire me when I said, "No chance." I’m 1000 miles away on my honeymoon and he knows this, since he granted my holiday request and congratulated me on the wedding. FML
Today, my boss scolded me for being too friendly to our customers and told me to back off and let them do their thing. Less than an hour after doing as he said, he scolded me again, this time for slacking off and not asking them if they needed help finding stuff. There goes my bonus. FML
Today, my daughter got fired from a high five figures job for making up fake religious holidays to get days off, and for almost a year her boss was so scared of being called a racist, he never bothered to look into it until today, and she was sacked 10 minutes later. FML
Today, my boss threw a pre-Christmas party at work. He always uses them to rant at us and tell us to be better employees. When the speech began, the alarm I have set for my daily birth control went off. It's the sound of an obnoxious screaming child. FML
Today, I got into an argument with my boss about the importance of a decent work/life balance. He then asked me to work overtime on a Saturday. FML
Today, I woke up to a voicemail from my manager saying I had the day off. Excited, I made plans with my friends. A few minutes ago I got a call from my other manager yelling at me for not showing up, and the original manager revealed he had me confused with another girl. FML
Today, I overheard my boss talking about me on the phone. Turns out he was drunk off his ass when he gave the go-ahead to hire me, and he's now searching for any excuse to legally fire me. FML
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Top comments
DocBastard 40
*moves to Malaysia* *converts to this guy's religion* *learns Macedonian*
Drigr 9
After he fires you, remember the terms this coworker used and use them at your next job to score some pussy instead of work.
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Comments (82)
ThisWhorecrux 1
First!
KiRaKaT 9
That sucks for you OP. tell your boss you didn't know and hopefully it works out!
eeppiicc 8
Anytime I get some pussy I treat it like a holiday.
soccerguy2 11
14- why? Because it happens so little?
mylifesucks_fml 1
14- Ouch! I think youll be needing a nurse and some ice because 27 just burned you good! haha, be more careful of what you say next time!
SqueakyChipmunk 22
14) Every time I get near a pussy, it tries to disembowel me. Wait... I hope we're talking about different ******* here.
iLOLatURpain69 7
28 - He got him good didn't he? I bet he will never recover from that.
hahasooo 2
I think #14 was just trying to say that when he gets pussy its important, not because he gets so little of it. Maybe?.. No?.. Yes?..
soccerguy2 11
34- or maybe because he gets it so little it is important to him.
eeppiicc 8
HAHAHAHA damn 27 that was good! Poor 14 never saw it coming!
_Oblivion_ 12
I'm gunna be the 6th idiot to say "OHHHHH you got him good, burnn woo you showed him yeahh." I think you guys drive 14 so far back into his cave he's probably crying about how he got insulted on fml.
sonuskos 6
14 - "Would you like some aloe vera with that, because you just got burned." - Sheldon
eeppiicc 8
49, how did you find out about the cave?!?
eeppiicc 8
Oh and 27 I will get revenge one day!
JonnyGoldsmithXX 0
I'm sure 14 treats pussy like Christmas.. He gets it once a year but remembers it all year round until it happens again
gurly98 13
FYL hopefully your boss and you can work things out. Until then, well...
everydayFML2121 5
YDI for not knowing how to speak Macedonian... Easier than Chinese!
gurly98 13
18 wow that was the dumbest thing I've seen on fML Like you know Macedonian I don't even know Macedonian NObODY does
SqueakyChipmunk 22
The **** is up with your 'shift' key?
BunchieRules 31
29 - Macedonians speak Macedonian...
perdix 31
I work with a Macedonian. You want to piss him off? Call him a Greek! Also, ask him to name a Macedonian who was worth a shit after Alexander The Great.
everydayFML2121 5
29, ever heard of a joke?
babe7260 30
A for effort on their part!!!!
MDTeddy 13
No.
DracoSpirita 21
Yes.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
Possibly.
flockz 20
and thus the religous debate remains unresolved.
LightningCactus 12
Until now... THIS SUMMER
Drigr 9
After he fires you, remember the terms this coworker used and use them at your next job to score some pussy instead of work.
DocBastard 40
*moves to Malaysia* *converts to this guy's religion* *learns Macedonian*
p3mguin 7
HahahahahhaahhahahahhhaHhaahahahahhahahhHhHahahahHhHahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahahhahahahahahhaahhahahahahhahahahahahahhahahhahahahahahahahahhahhhaahhahaaahahahhaahhahahahahhaahhahahhahhahahahahhahahahahahhahahahaha
doctorhook86 25
Sounds to me like the middle step is optional.
SqueakyChipmunk 22
I'm a farmer in Malasiya! (say it out loud.)
bonnie789 1
Are you serious!? Macedonia is above Greece in Europe not Malaysia. Does Alexander The Great ring any bells? What the hell is happening to education in this world....
flockz 20
*raises hand* hi ms.teacher lady? ya i believe i'm in the wrong class. see i don't really like history, much less want to take it. do you know where room 6969 is, you know the study of jokes and sarcasmology? i believe my instructor's name is Professor Bastard.
OhLohd111 11
That's Doctor Bastard! It takes a lot of hard work to earn a Master's degree!
alaskababy907 11
Actually, 45, OP's location says Malaysia. Hence why 6 said to "learn Macedonian and move to Malaysia." If he moved to Macedonia and tried to pull off this "religious observance" he'd never get away with it.
downtime 13
45, I hope to god you're just trying to make a joke there and I'm not getting it...In case you aren't and you seriously think this was a mistake on his part, the OP is from Malaysia, not Macedonia, and using that idea in Macedonia would be the stupidest thing you could do as they know what the words mean. Seriously, you knew all this, right? Tell me you were just trolling...
downtime 13
57, Nobody likes a know it all! *Stamps foot* Hmph. Apparently I need to learn to be quicker.
bonnie789 1
57, I'm slow on the uptake. That makes much more sense. My bad...
NanillaVipples 2
I had a Macedonian neighbor when I was a kid. I didn't know why they didn't like me until my mom told me that it was "Macrdonian" not "Macaronian."
alaskababy907 11
59 - sorry :) 64 - it's okay, at least you got it now!
someguy998 8
You mean Macedonian?
TheDrifter 24
Gullible supervisors are awesome. Now if you'd kindly excuse me for a religious sacrifice every Friday I would greatly appreciate it.
c8750 2
OP, You totally deserve it. Why didn't you check to make sure they were real holidays?
nickolascronk 3
Like you would have. You dumb ****.
alycion 39
For many, getting some is a religious experience. Who are we to rain in their parade?
theslimshadylp 6
That sounds like the greatest holiday since christmas