Today, I started shaking my son's Little Bill doll in frustration, as the batteries weren't working. My nosy neighbor saw through the window and called the cops. They wouldn't believe me and now the whole neighborhood thinks I'm a child abuser. FML
Collection
Fall
Dead leaves, the first cold of the season and an umbrella flipped inside out: fall, the season of grace.
Today, I was playing Monopoly with my kids. It was fun, and led to some mock fights. My neighbor, who despises me for being a single mother, used it as an excuse to call the cops on me for "abusing" my kids. They were too confused to do anything but nod at the officer's accusing questions. FML
Today, I was at a store trying to buy a birthday gift for my niece when I knocked over a stack of porcelain dolls. As they crashed to the floor, a security guard rushed over, but before I could apologize, I heard a tiny voice behind me: “YOU’RE NOT MY REAL DAD!” It was just another prank by my mortified son, but it was too late to stop people glaring at me. FML
Today, I found out everyone in my neighborhood thinks that I'm a beaten woman due to the reoccurring ambulances in front of my house at night. My kid just chokes on everything, and they don't believe me. FML
Today, I was stretching on the balcony, when I heard my neighbor's daughter scream. She was playing in their kiddie pool and thought I was peeping on her. And now her parents think so too. FML
Today, my neighbors called the police and said that they saw, through the window, a suspicious person in my house doing something to my piano. The "suspicious person" was me, in my own house, playing my own piano. FML
Today, my son broke his arm roughhousing with his brother on a bunk bed. While at the ER, he thought it would be funny to tell a different story to each doctor and nurse, forcing me to speak over him. They found this behavior "suspicious" and reported us to child services. FML
Today, I had to explain to a hospital social worker that my young son is not abused, he is just rowdy and that he knocked himself unconscious and shattered 4 teeth in a bizarre stunt involving a tree, my ironing board, a mop bucket and lots of duct tape. I'm not sure the hospital believes me. FML
Today, I was babysitting my nephew. He was acting up, so instead of spanking him, I put him in the corner for timeout. He screamed and thrashed and kicked the walls so hard my neighbors called the police. My sister wasn’t answering her phone, and I had to explain why a 7-year-old was acting like that. FML
Today, I was babysitting a 5 year old boy. When I was on the phone with my mom, he called 911 and started to cry. When I got off the phone the police were at the door. It turns out that the "emergency" was that the VCR was not working. FML
Today, I told my son he couldn't have a toy. He threw a fit, looked me in the eye, and screamed, "Daddy's right! You are a bitch!" The whole store was watching. FML
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Top comments
Americanus 7
Time to invest in some curtains maybe?
BillMurray_fml 12
Are you ok? You seem a little shaken up about the whole thing.
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Comments (85)
Americanus 7
Time to invest in some curtains maybe?
MrSassypants 34
I tried that, but the stocks in curtains have plummeted.
Americanus 7
Wow, super clever
\ 28
"Little Bill?" That show is still on the air??
mollyx 6
cool story bro
ThatFancyPenn 18
Maybe he should fake his death, move to a big city, and change his last name so that everyone can forget about it.
BillMurray_fml 12
Are you ok? You seem a little shaken up about the whole thing.
isallwaysme 27
how old is your kid? if he is old enough to speak, get him to testify for you.
Epikouros 32
But don't forget to tell him you'll beat him up if he lies about it.
leonchen7498 12
they might believe that hes lying or that he doesnt dare to speak about it..
9echo 17
I don't know about you guys, but I would never back up the guy who abused my Little Bill doll.
chrisp87 11
Finally someone who is speaking my language.
emeraldisle 30
I hope once you're able to sort this all out you'll tell your neighbour to **** off.
hghrider123456 9
Next time stand in front of the window wile your neighbors are watching and rip the head off of the doll.....have ketchup oelr something nearby for added affects.....I bet they'll never peep arlt uou again
isallwaysme 27
The spelling there was a total shit storm.
ThatPlankton 15
Go home #9, you're drunk.
IworkAt711 14
He's not drunk, he's just writing on acid.
hghrider123456 9
I was trying to type and walk at the same time, it was reallu difficult because my face turned into a clock and I began to fly through space
Elfkid21 19
shut the hell up. who the hell cares??!! typos ******* happen, get the hell over it!!
sonicgreg 12
Lynch the doll: top lel
simsgirlgem 25
wow what an ass hole you don't call the cops unless you see bruises on the kid and he's using excuses like I walked into a door
pheebs314 17
Or not. They could be a mandatory reporter. I am, and we are required to report any suspected abuse immediately, with or without proof.
Enslaved 38
"Yes I think I'm okay I walked into the door again" "My name is Luka I live on the second floor"
sapphiregirly 11
if you hear something strange at night. Some kind of trouble, some kind of fight. Just don't ask me what it was. Just don't ask me what it was.
xStaciexLynnx 15
I'm a mandatory reporter too. You are not supposed to go running to the cops over one thing that you don't actually know what you saw. That's like if a child fell in a classroom and you call the cops the next day because he has bruises on his knees. You have to be responsible about it, not make stupid assumptions.
mFUNdo21 17
but the neighbour saw what she thought was child abuse. I doubt she was being malicious and trying to get OP into trouble for nothing. she just assumed she was doing the right thing. but fyl OP for the misunderstanding
pheebs314 17
I didn't say call over every stupid thing... I said I'm required to call over suspected abuse.
DinosaurTacoTime 18
My brother and I could never stand Little Bill as kids. He always looks like he's going to die of cancer any second and it disturbed us. OP, I don't think they have any proof of abuse. Unless your child likes to run into doors all day.
NeighSoulSister 6
Better than Cailou.
thegravytrain 6
I would have b*tched my neighbors who called the cops the f*ck out. I also would have personally taken my baby AND THE DOLL around to every single house and showed them that there was NO bruises on the child and explained what happened.
happle 21
K
CharresBarkrey 16
How old is your son that he would have a Little Bill doll? That show was on like 14 years ago
basicperfection 16
Maybe it was an old toy that OP had as a kid?
mybubbles2000 13
That explains the batteries! LOL
NeighSoulSister 6
It could just be showing re-runs.
QueenJay81 13
little bill still comes on lol
shortasalways 9
I watched it with my little girl two days ago on cable.