Today, our baby cries constantly, except for when our grumpy old feral tom cat comes over to lay beside her, lick her head and so on. This bastard cat is the most ornery sumbitch I've ever met and bites worse than a bear trap, yet he's a better dad than I am. Plus, he looks so damn smug while he's doing it. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, my baby will only stop crying if my evil-smelling, bad-tempered, violent, half-feral, half-psychotic cat climbs into her cot to sleep next to her all night, yet when I try to do anything like feed her or change her nappy, she cries like she’s being tortured, I just don’t understand. FML
Today, my husband loves his cat more than our new baby daughter. This morning, he spent two hours playing with the cat, yet when I handed him his flesh and blood daughter, he found an excuse to hand her back after five minutes, then five minutes after that he was playing with the cat again. FML
Today, as every day for the past three weeks, my girlfriend's cat kept us up from 3:30am crying nonstop. We've tried everything, and even exiled my well-behaved cat to keep him company. Now she cries because she feels she's being punished. Starting around 4am. FML
Today, do you know those stories of kittens running up to you in public and choosing you as their human, so you get them vet treatment, hand raise them yourself and they love you forever? Yeah, not with mine. He’s one year old now and a total asshole who bites me at least once a day. FML
Today, we got a new kitten, and my older cat is not happy. I just learned that my fiance doesn't interfere when they fight. He says watching my old fat cat chase the kitten is the funniest thing he's seen all month. FML
Today, my 11 year-old daughter claimed I'm a terrible cat parent. Why? Because in the 4 months that we've had the cat, I haven't given him a bath. Our strictly indoor kitten lives in attack mode, and would paint the walls with my blood if I attempted it. FML
Today, I've realized that my cat doesn't give me the time of day, unless I'm trying to do something that's difficult with a cat present, or at the very least makes it impossible for me to give him attention. Then he's all over me. It's a vicious cycle, with no end in sight. FML
Today, I yelled at my boyfriend's cat for staring at me, then cried about it for an hour. Pregnancy life. FML
Today, since getting the new kitten that only I wanted, it has scratched me and peed on my socks, my side of the bed and my laptop. It loves my husband though, who was against getting a cat at all. FML
Today, my incredibly needy rescue cat - who knows she doesn't get to go into my bedroom at night - decided that she needed to wail and scratch the bedroom door from midnight until 5 a.m. Now that I'm awake, she's ignoring me because she knows I'm mad at her. FML
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Top comments
Crowned Sataness 12
it has nothing to do with your parenting. trust me I have 4. some babies are extremely cranky and colicky. most babies will comfort for an animal over a human
RichardPencil 32
It's because he's a "kewl kat." I'm sure he cleans the house much better than you, too. Don't piss him off or he'll swat your banjo string. I'll stop now.
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Comments (4)
RichardPencil 32
It's because he's a "kewl kat." I'm sure he cleans the house much better than you, too. Don't piss him off or he'll swat your banjo string. I'll stop now.
Crowned Sataness 12
it has nothing to do with your parenting. trust me I have 4. some babies are extremely cranky and colicky. most babies will comfort for an animal over a human
IHaveThePower 18
Look, on the one hand, babies and cats are a match made in heaven because kittehs love babies and babies love kittehs, and doesn't matter how feral the cat is, they love 'em some human babies. On the other... *points and laughs* Don't worry, your kid will be more fun when he can talk. Then he can tell you that he has a kitty daddy.