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By whitnayfortooh - 04/12/2015 18:26 - United States - Hampton

Today, I was trying to get a piece of apple that was stuck in between my teeth. A chunk of my tooth came out instead. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 365

You deserved it 2 384

whitnayfortooh tells us more.

whitnayfortooh 29

Saturday 5 December 2015 2:50

I grind my teeth pretty violently at night which caused the chip. Not bad dental hygiene ;)

Worn out

By Anonymous - 18/11/2010 16:09 - Canada

Spicy

Today, while my boyfriend was going down on me, he fell asleep right between my legs. The worst part was I only noticed when he started snoring. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 951

You deserved it 6 006

By Singlewife - 23/03/2019 22:00

Today my husband got drunk and wrecked the house. And when I say wrecked the house, I mean ripping everything off book shelves, Tearing the ceiling fan out of the wall, Opening the fridge and shoveling everything out. Glass everywhere. etc. and this isn’t the first time. I clean up every time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 405

You deserved it 1 618

Salad days

By ugh - 04/07/2013 18:28 - South Africa - Durban

Spicy

Today, as I was enjoying a nice fish salad, my father looked me dead in the eyes and said, "Ahh, salmon. The 'other' pink meat", then winked suggestively at my mother. I don't think I can ever eat fish again. FML

I agree, your life sucks 64 715

You deserved it 5 195

By setaleschausasses - 26/12/2010 05:22 - Lebanon

Today, I was trying to impress a very cute guy at a party by grinding up against him. During my very sexy choreography, I heard him say, “It feels like a slug rubbing against me.” FML

I agree, your life sucks 583

You deserved it 307

By Bawsack - 06/04/2017 00:00

Today, I dyed my hair. It was all going well, until I forgot I had a head full of product and scratched an itch. I didn't realise my mistake until later, and now have to replace my six-month old sofa because it has a huge stain that alternates from purple to bleach. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 363

You deserved it 3 152

By Anonymous - 09/09/2014 16:47 - United States - Miami

Today, I invited my deadbeat dad over for dinner, hoping we could resolve our issues and build a proper relationship. Just minutes after he arrived, I caught him stealing money from my purse. He actually said I owe him for raising me. He ditched my mom and me when I was 5. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 992

You deserved it 4 213

By mydadforgetsme - 04/11/2015 17:26 - United States - Philadelphia

Today, my dad forgot it's my birthday. When I told him about it, he accused me of lying and threatened to ground me for a week. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 708

You deserved it 1 476

By MissTrix - 29/10/2010 00:58 - United Kingdom

Today, my boyfriend decided he hates my male best friend because they have "conflicting interests." My best friend's response? "What's his gamertag so I can shoot him in Halo?" FML

I agree, your life sucks 31 962

You deserved it 7 387

By JamesFuckingBond - 23/12/2016 21:05 - United States - Burlington

Today, I dropped my wedding ring on the carpet. Just as I was about to pick it up, my Roomba sucked it up. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 764

You deserved it 1 753

OPEN UP!

By forgetful - This FML is from back in 2015 but it's good stuff - United States - Los Angeles

Today, our family bought a new car. When we got home, I opened the trunk to get my backpack. It turns out I left it in the trunk of our trade-in. The dealership is closed now and I have a presentation due tomorrow. FML

I agree, your life sucks 23 676

You deserved it 6 966

By CollegeKid - 27/10/2015 10:28 - United States - Urbana

Today, I found out all six classes I'm taking have finals on the same day. This is my first semester in college. FML

I agree, your life sucks 26 269

You deserved it 2 359

By Andy - 19/12/2016 12:38

Today, on my Facebook newsfeed, I noticed a photo of a coworker. In the comment section of the photo he and his wife had written "I love you" to each other. As a joke I commented "get a room". Turns out the woman with the same surname as my coworker wasn't in fact his wife, but his daughter. FML

I agree, your life sucks 3 904

You deserved it 6 290

By Pissy - 23/05/2019 06:05

Today, I thought my boyfriend wanted to be romantic by pouring a bath, getting in then calling me in. As I get comfortable, he stands up and gets out. At the same time, I notice yellow water. He'd pissed in the tub for a joke. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 409

You deserved it 239

Snap!

By wheelchairgirl - 16/12/2016 01:21 - Denmark

Today, I was watching a beautiful flock of birds flying overhead while walking in the street. The guy next to me was lucky enough to catch bird poop with his forehead. I was lucky enough to get distracted by it, trip, and break my ankle. FML

I agree, your life sucks 7 412

You deserved it 1 132

By thanks sis - 22/10/2015 00:57 - United States - Reading

Today, my sister asked me to grab her some toilet paper. I refused, so she grabbed my favorite shirt out of the laundry basket and used it to wipe. I was busy icing my sprained ankle. I couldn't walk. She knew this. FML

I agree, your life sucks 27 801

You deserved it 3 981

By cantgetabreak - 13/12/2016 18:50

Today, my boss reprimanded me for not finishing my work on time. Yesterday, she cut an hour from my schedule every day until further notice. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 089

You deserved it 570

By Dom - 31/05/2019 12:00

Today, I proposed to the girl I have known for a while, since our Dads have worked together for 40 years. After I rang my Dad to tell him the good news, he told me that there was a position open at work, which had belonged to her Dad. My Dad had to fire him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 009

You deserved it 143

Waiting room

By Anonymous - 25/06/2019 22:14

Today, my mother-in-law told me to "just wait" until she gets home from her trip, because apparently, taking a vacation with her partner is more important than the birth of her first grandchild. Contractions started a few hours ago. Part of me hopes she misses it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 2 216

You deserved it 224

By Anonymous - 09/10/2015 16:58 - United States - Portland

Today, I went in for an interview for my first ever job. Just seconds after meeting the boss, I slipped on the linoleum floor. I was wearing a skirt. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 116

You deserved it 2 310

By ournhd - 13/11/2009 06:11 - United States

Today, I got bailed out of jail. I was there because I saw a girl being hit by her boyfriend. I rushed over to help only to have her hit me repeatedly. The cops came and she blamed her bruises on me. The boyfriend corroborated her story. FML

I agree, your life sucks 48 312

You deserved it 3 148

Piggy banked

By Rain - 14/11/2016 11:43

Today, I discovered my own mother has been stealing money from me for months when I opened my savings box to find it empty. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 014

You deserved it 704

By Anonymous - 07/11/2016 15:48

Today, a customer complained that one of our cashiers smiles too much. FML

I agree, your life sucks 10 750

You deserved it 814

By ak47nd - 18/09/2015 02:37 - China - Dalian

Today, my boyfriend tried to be romantic and trick me into missing my flight, so he could spend another day with me before I have to return to Asia for work. There is nothing romantic about spending 2 hours trying to sort out a new international itinerary with Delta's automated menus. FML

I agree, your life sucks 25 915

You deserved it 2 281

ak47nd tells us more.

ak47nd 6

Saturday 19 September 2015 12:32

Hi, this is OP. To be fair, he did fly me out to visit him and put a real effort into making the week we had together great. That said, after I did manage to fix the flight back, I think he was scared I was going to kick him in the balls for that stunt for most of the extra 24 hours we had together. But the makeup sex was great and I barely managed to make it back in time for work obligations, so bf is EXTREMELY lucky :) And we have a new relationship rule of not ******* with travel arrangements. Sigh.

Explosive

By burrrito_ - This FML is from back in 2016 but it's good stuff - United States - Crystal Lake

Today, I found out why you depressurize your espresso maker before changing out the coffee grinds. FML

I agree, your life sucks 8 070

You deserved it 3 412

By SadBride - 08/09/2015 00:39 - United States

Today, my in-laws decided they were going to stay an extra week during our vacation to Dominican Republic next year. This would be fine, if we weren't travelling for our destination wedding, and the extra week wasn't our honeymoon. They are literally joining us on our honeymoon. FML

I agree, your life sucks 29 394

You deserved it 2 505

Braggadocious

By krissy8799 - This FML is from back in 2011 but it's good stuff - United States

Spicy

Today, I gave my boyfriend a blow job for the first time. He posted it on Facebook and can't understand why I'm angry with him. FML

I agree, your life sucks 49 323

You deserved it 10 125

So hot

By bonesniffer - 16/09/2010 05:13 - United States

Spicy

Today, I crawled into bed, naked, wanting to get some, and hoping to surprise my boyfriend who's always complaining that I don't sleep naked. When he finally got into bed he rolled over, touched my bare ass, and said "Oh…" then rolled back over and went to sleep. FML

I agree, your life sucks 37 906

You deserved it 6 073

By AJShow80 - 13/04/2009 08:51 - United States

Today, I won 20 dollars on a lotto scratch off. My friend, pissed, makes me split the money, saying it was collateral for the gas money used to get us there. He then used his 10 dollars on a scratch off, and won 500 dollars. The jackass wouldn't split it. FML

I agree, your life sucks 123 320

You deserved it 18 252

By RickTooBomb - 05/10/2016 15:23 - United States - Falls Church

Today, I was working as a valet when an old guy came up and wanted us to park his car. He said he had an accident. We looked in the car and saw poop all over the seat. We still had to park the car. FML

I agree, your life sucks 12 806

You deserved it 823

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Today, I was at work and caught my pants on the corner of the door hinge. They tore completely open and my hairy cheek was exposed for the whole office to see. FML

I agree, your life sucks 20 428

You deserved it 2 165

Today, my now ex-boyfriend informed me that he is cheating on me with our neighbor, again. I wasn't aware that he cheated on me the first time. FML

I agree, your life sucks 24 960

You deserved it 1 919

Today, my boyfriend introduced me to his parents. My boyfriend is Japanese, and I wanted to introduce myself in Japanese so I'd asked him. Little did I know he'd taught me how to say, "Hello, I love your son's cock." I almost got kicked out of their house. FML

I agree, your life sucks 34 914

You deserved it 4 509

Today, I allowed my five-year old daughter to paint my fingernails during a living-room "picnic" we were having. A while later I got called back in to work for an emergency meeting. When I arrived at the meeting I noticed my fingernails were still neon-green. I am a 40-year old man. FML

I agree, your life sucks 52 645

You deserved it 16 728

Today, my daughter was stung by a bark scorpion, requiring a visit to the ER. Luckily, we were seen quickly. Unfortunately, due to a new policy, the medicine used to treat the sting is not available for children as it "might" cause low blood pressure. Awesome. FML

I agree, your life sucks 4 098

You deserved it 249

Today, I gave my boyfriend a choice between me and the super creepy, codependent, almost Norman Bates relationship he has with his mother. Guess which he chose. FML

I agree, your life sucks 900

You deserved it 511