Today, my roommate whipped my face with a frozen chicken cutlet. My cheek is now the size of the chicken cutlet, and now he won't drive me to the hospital because it's "too funny to look at." FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I sliced my finger on a frozen chicken cutlet. FML
Today, my boss slapped me across the face with a raw chicken breast. FML
Today, my dog attacked me because I had a chicken costume on for a party. I'm currently in a hospital, dressed as a chicken, waiting for medical assistance. FML
Today, in school my shoulder was killing me from a softball injury. I went to the nurse's office and asked "Can I have some ice?" They responded with "Why, what happened to your face?" FML
Today, my boyfriend knocked into me with his car. I drove myself to the hospital because he couldn't stop laughing long enough to drive. FML
Today, my coworker warned me that if I made one more dad joke, she’d belt me with a frying pan. Alas, I did not believe her capable of such violence, which is why I now sit here with a bag of frozen peas pressed to the 3-inch lump on the back of my head. Plus she was sacked, so now I feel horribly guilty. FML
Today, my roommate played a "prank" on me. He taped a length of clear cellophane at ankle-height just outside my bedroom door, causing me to trip and faceplant the floor, and busting out a tooth. I now look like a hick, and my roommate is refusing to cover my dental bills. FML
Today, while at a restaurant with my boyfriend, a piece of ice got stuck in my throat. I couldn't get his attention until after it melted because he was busy checking in on foursquare. When he finally noticed my freaking out and I told him what had happened, he laughed. FML
Today, a friend thought it would be funny to shove me over; I face-planted. I was going to say "Fuck you" and "I will kill you." It came out as "I will fuck you." He's still laughing. FML
Today, my roommate thought it would be funny to throw my cat in the bathtub while I was in it. I had to go to the emergency room to get my penis stitched up. FML
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Top comments
008GGG 14
Put something cold on it to reduce swelling. Like a bag of ice or a bag of frozen vegetables. Or a frozen chicken cutlet.
anRNsLife 11
You don’t need to go to the hospital for basically a slap in the face. Ice it. Take I uprisen and put your big panties on.
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Comments (10)
anRNsLife 11
You don’t need to go to the hospital for basically a slap in the face. Ice it. Take I uprisen and put your big panties on.
EmDizzle2007 28
tell em!
mas12806 24
Why did [s]he hit you
Katy Elizabeth Deppe 5
get a new roommate and or call someone to help you get to the hospital
ThatOneLonelyAsian 31
do the same to your roommate but on both sides
008GGG 14
Put something cold on it to reduce swelling. Like a bag of ice or a bag of frozen vegetables. Or a frozen chicken cutlet.
Bogrbon 27
That would be assault, battery and domestic violence. I’m pretty sure the police would like to come and take your roommate for a ride, if you called.
adjwejaelwkdc 21
Call a cab to the ER, then DTMFA. That's a deal-breaker.
Major_Haywire 7
Yuz may well mock, but frozen cutlet related deaths are a serious concern. They are rapidly becoming the weapon of choice in domestic assaults as the evidence can quickly be thawed and eaten before the fuzz arrives 🚨
Lora Wood 11
What leads up to a cutlet thrashing?