Today, my psycho neighbor finished building a cannon. An honest-to-god, on-wheels, could-be-on-a-pirate-ship cannon. And now he's testing it in the forest by my house. I'm pretty scared for my life, to be honest. FML
Collection
Halloween
A failed costume, stolen candy and a very real scare: Halloween, the one night when fear is allowed.
Today, I found out that the loud "firecrackers" I heard the night before were actually shotgun blasts by my neighbor murdering his girlfriend. FML
Today, I saw my neighbor's delinquent kid shooting squirrels with a BB gun. Shocked and furious at his cruel behavior, I told him to stop, with the threat of telling his parents. He responded by shooting me in the nuts and running away in a fit of laughter. FML
Today, I found out that the 2 loud "firework booms" I heard were actually a guy shooting his dog on the unfinished road behind my house. FML
Today, my weird neighbor is a conspiracy theorist and thinks the government is trying to kill him. Someone thought it would be funny to shine a red laser light through his window. I was on the stairs when he ran past, screaming bloody murder, sending me down a flight of steps. FML
Today, while meeting my girlfriend's parents for the first time, her dad made a big show of cleaning his rifle, before loading it, taking aim, and blowing the hell out of a hornet's nest at the back of the yard. I fear for my life. FML
Today, I came home from work to find that my neighbor's trash bins were still on the curb. While returning the bins to her backyard, her kid ran out and shot me with a paintball gun. Multiple times. He thought I was a burglar and ruined my new suit. FML
Today, I was walking my dog in my suburban neighborhood when all of a sudden we practically jumped out of our skin (and fur) when we heard what I assumed were fireworks. Nope, someone down the street was testing their new AR-15 in their backyard. All perfectly legal. FML
Today, the neighbors' kid got a new airhorn. FML
Today, my new neighbor informed me with great relish that the house I have just bought is haunted because 30 years ago a man shot himself in the kitchen. I'm now paying a huge mortgage on a house I'm frightened to be alone in. FML
Today, the crazy son of a bitch who lives next door to me once again got into a loud, rather one-sided argument with his cat. Twenty minutes later, he knocked on my door, asking if he could stay at my place for a couple of days. The look he gave me when I said no has me fearing for my life. FML
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Top comments
damnit1989 16
Well that blows
Paco_el_Taco 17
Well at least you know where to go when the zombie apocalypse begins.
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Comments (132)
damnit1989 16
Well that blows
damnit1989 16
Down vote this dammit. I wanna set a record for down votes!!!! *evil laughter commences* I think it's time for bed..... I'm getting a little loopy.
jimmy_poison 19
Do you mean "yarrr, tharrr she blows?"
Lebeaugars95 20
like a good neighbor, state farm is there... with a cannon
incoherentrmblr 22
Is your neighbor the Sea Captain on the Simpsons?...
Paco_el_Taco 17
Well at least you know where to go when the zombie apocalypse begins.
airforce987 20
As far away from the loud, exploding noise drawing attention to itself from miles around and can't defend itself properly?
peceout 29
#22 You sir, You will survive.
RenoTheRhino 30
Yes. This truly is the best FML ever.
Paco_el_Taco 17
The guy has a freaking cannon! What makes you think he doesn't have an arsenal of other weapons at his disposal.
PresidentNorth 16
the fact a taco is trying to forewarn us, only increase my skepticism...
GoldenButtNugget 5
But it poops ice cream!!!
sk8rdud3 24
Exactly!
GreatGeak 8
taco you can come with me...as long as we split when things get hairy, you go one direction, I go the other. ;-)
katrinakae1 5
Sounds like a good neighbor, he's just watching out for you;)
CerSpence 11
Where did it mention that he built it for neighborhood protection? For all we know, he could be planning to raid and pillage the entire block!
KingreX32 21
or he could be waiting for The Purge.
schhichick 14
Or it could be Johnny Depp
leopardwilliam 22
That's pretty badass, to be honest.
NeatNit 33
yes, that neighbor is not psycho - he's awesome!
patrickalamo 48
I would so be helping him reload and having the time of my life...
Alchemist_21 26
Time to raid his TH for his elixir and trophies!
LegalLoitering 12
Might wanna use air troops for that
qwertsarecool122 23
Love the Clash of Clans reference
enddmd 27
Wall breakers might help too.
norpedo 16
Don't make him angry. He'll blow your house up
cerealman_fml 16
Ask him to make you one as well. You can have canon wars together.
False_Stupidity 42
That does not sound like it would end well.
flurpiee 14
Time to bake lots of goodies and offer to mow their lawn... Ya know, "just because"
tony2win 5
Nominate him for the head of the neighborhood watch
sunnyray812 42
Talk him into protecting the neighborhood with that. No one would want to cause trouble then.